Self Conscious

As I entered my Little Gram's Senior Living Apartment Building this week, there was a group of blue-hairs sitting outside chatting it up with each other. For some reason, this was extremely intimidating to me. Why on earth should I be intimidated? This is a key question I need to address in therapy.

Here's the conversation in my head and the scenario - you be the judge if I'm crazy or not...

[me thinking] OMG, there's a whole group of them, they're going to stare at me.

[them, chattering]

[me getting closer]

[them looking]

[me thinking] OMG, they're looking at me! Am I walking funny? Should I look? Should I smile?

[them, suddenly completely silent, all staring]

[me, slight smile]

[me thinking] AAAGGGHHHH! I've silenced them. The moment I'm out of earshot, they're going to spend the next 15 minutes talking about me. AAAAGGGHHHH!

[me, turning the corner, thinking] Finally, I made it through. Whew!

[SUDDENLY, more blue hairs!! All staring also! ]

[One deranged looking man with Charles Manson crazy hair]: "HI!!"

[me thinking] OMG, don't upset him, be nice.

[me] "Hi."

[me, walking faster] I hope he heard me and didn't think I was rude.

[me getting inside the building] AAAGGHHHH! Just let me get up to the safety of my Grandma's apartment. No more crazy staring blue-hairs and no more old-person smell. AAAAGGHHH.

Oh, the traumatic life I lead.