Shop till you Drop

Marathon shopped in Rochester last weekend. Jenny is my shopping enabler. Dangerously close to needing Shopaholics Anonymous. I think my stress is driving me to overindulge in things that make me feel good, such as shopping and eating. I'll have to talk to my therapist about that.

Bought stuff such as:

- a new vacuum (it sucks, bah hah)
- bookshelves
- a shirt for Mya
- duvet covers and sheets for the spare room
- candy
- new pants (4 pairs)
- cheekies (if you don't know, I'm not telling)
- pantyhose
- cool colored notebooks from the gap
- a pink trench from Banana Republic
- yet another pair of black boots
- a necklace
- a fresh supply of Vinefit moisturizer
- eyeshadow from the gap
- undies
-

I'm still up. Shit. Have to get up in about 2 hours. MF.

Insomniac Theater

I think I have full blown insomnia. I am just NOT TIRED at night. I should be comatose right now - I got 4 hrs sleep last night (my Sis and the baby spent the night - Sis and I stayed up VERY late, then I was up another hour). Tomorrow (ok, actually today), I have to get up at 4:30am for my trip. So I'm looking at about 3 1/2 hours sleep.

I'm tired as F** in the mornings. It's brutal. Wonder what happens with prolonged sleep deprivation? Irritablity to be sure ((*&%$$^%$@^%$#^%$!

At the moment, the only reason I'm not dreading tomorrow is... Jamba is only about 12 hours away!

Jenny and I were talking about this guy we know who seems to be particularly boring. In being optimistic, I suggested that maybe he is interesting, once you get to know him. Then she told me of his attitude toward food - that it's just for survival, not enjoyment. That changed my mind. I'm sorry, but IMHO, anyone who feels that way has many screws loose. I LIVE to eat, I don't eat to live.

Food can make you happy (Jamba)...


or sad (taco bell burrito)...


or calm (Starbucks)...


or hyper (Krispy Kreme)...



Food forms friendships and bonds families.

Food is love... and when I'm out west this week, I will be head over heels!

Great Ads

While Chuck watched the Superbowl, I ran in for the commercials. There were some good ones - my favorites were some of the Budweiser ones...


"Parade", where the guy in the upside down clown suit drinks a bud - sick, lovely, potty humor...

and


"Sounds of the Sea", where the crab clamps on to the guys lip, hilarious!

I'm a Slider, He's a Slider... Wouldn't You Like to be a Slider too

Jenny found an article entitled, "SLIders & the Streetlight Phenomenon". It starts off..."Do streetlights suddenly go out when you pass beneath them? Do watches or credit cards stop working in your possession? Perhaps you are a SLIder."

Jenny remembered that most of my watches are dead, I often have computer and other electrical related problems that no one else seems to be experiencing, and my Wegman's Shopper's Club Card won't swipe anymore. Jenny deduced that I am a SLIder.

Apparently things like this happen:

• Appliances such as lamps and TVs go on and off without being touched.
  
• Lightbulbs constantly blow when the SLIder tries to turn them off or on.
  
• Volume levels change on TVs, radios, and CD players.
  
• Watches stop working.
  
• Children's electronic toys start by themselves when the SLIder is present.
  
• Credit cards and other magnetically encoded cards are damaged or erased when in their possession.
  

I DEFINITELY notice street lights popping off as I approach - I thought it happened often to everyone, but apparently not. According to the article, if it happens on a regular basis, you're probably a SLIder.

I was telling my brother about it and he said it happens to him all the time, especially when he is "about to snap" - take note, Eddie said that to me WITHOUT me telling him that the research indicates it happens more often when the SLIDER is "in an extreme emotional state"... wild! It must be hereditary!

On the Mend

Well, I either had that Norwalk virus that's going around (and apparently taking out whole schools worth of people)... either that, or it was food poisoning from Taco Bell. I was up all night Monday violently vomiting - threw up 10 times - never been so sick in all my life. After the vomiting stopped, my stomach hurt like I'd done 1000 situps. Then the weakness and dizziness hit. Today my dr. told me to dring a gallon of water to help my "off-kilterness". It helped, I'm almost normal. ALMOST.

Regardless of the cause, I will NOT be partaking of a taco bell Grilled Stuft Burrito EVER AGAIN!!!!!!!!!

The only good - I lost 2 pounds (and maybe strenghtened my abs too) - woo hoo

Went and saw "Two Weeks Notice" last night... it was cute and funny - not as good as "Bridget Jones Diary", but entertaining.

They played the trailer for "A Guy Thing"... for some reason, movies about guys-that-are-already-engaged-but-fall-for-the-wild-crazy-free-spirit-type-girl really PISS ME OFF. It just seems really insulting to the fiance and to love in general. Not as insulting as Joe Millionaire (who, incase you haven't heard, was not only a former underwear model, but also acted in a soap opera and was living in a $1.7M house shortly before the show started), which highlights the all-women-are-golddiggers stereotype, but still annoying.

The sad part... I watch Joe Millionaire and I want to see "A Guy Thing".. but I can still be pissed if I want to!

I got new beauty goodies yesterday... I got:

an Enzyme Peeling kit... kind of afraid to use it though... afraid I will look like a beet... will wait for the weekend...


a teeny tiny Prada lip balm (I paid $5 for less lip balm than what I could get if I had someone else slather on chapstick and then scraped off the residual)


and... the one I can't wait to try... Slimming Cellulite Seaweed Soap! The directions tell you to (and I quote - verbatim), "perform pinch and massage until you feel a warm sensation".
Sounds like instructions out of a sex manual. But hey, I'll do anything for firmer thighs.

You'll have to check back to find out results...

Maurice Gibb died today, under questionable circumstances after surgery... earily familiar...

Oh, and Pete Townsend got arrested on suspicion of possessing... no, not marijuana - as I expected to read... possession of KIDDIE PORN. What the hell is this world coming to?

I am anxiously awaiting the release of the movie, Old School. Jeremy Piven is in it, so it's on top of my list. Mind you, Jeremy barely get's mentioned when the movie is promoted, but I'm sure he will be good in it.

It actually has quite an impressive cast which includes... Luke Wilson, Will Ferrell, Vince Vaughn, Andy Dick, Craig Kilborn, Juliette Lewis, Breckin Meyer, Leah Remini (who Jenny says I remind her of - not my looks, but my smartassness) and Seann Wiliam Scott, who makes a cameo.

And the director, Todd Phillips, is the same guy who did Road Trip and is doing Starsky and Hutch.

Another slight headache, honestly it's probably just stress.

I'm glad I wrote that out though, because it's one of the few regrets I have with Mom... I wish we'd have talked about the big "what if"... So, I thought it might be ok to express how I'd feel if I were to be gone, since I wish I'd have done that with her.

Now I'll have to put a link on my blog... "if I die, click here" so people can get back to those thoughs, hopefully MANY MANY years from now.

I've been having alot of headaches lately. Last Friday I had one so bad that I thought Chuck was going to find me dead. Since then, they've been mild but abundant. Aspirin helps, but incase there's something really wrong with me & I'm not long for this world, I'd like to say this:

I was a blessed person.
I was blessed with a loving family.
I was blessed with great friends.
I was blessed with humor and kindness, both given & received.
and I was blessed with an abundance of love in my life.

I left not wanting for anything.
I will be happy to see Mom and Dad and Punky again.
I will miss you all and, though I know you will miss me, try not to be sad.
Try to laugh, love and enjoy life even more, as that is what I would want for you.

And when you hear a song that reminds you of me,
it's my little way of saying hello, from wherever I might be.

Thank You

Thank you for all the supportive comments about yesterday's blog... Cin, it helps to know that I'm not the only one who's had to go through this kind of thing (oh, and CONGRATULATIONS!!!!)

I don't think Stepdad realized he did such a shitty thing, he does mean well, he's just off his rocker at the moment.

Not sure why my rocker has remained intact. Someone should do a case study. I honestly think that humor and supportive family & friends has been the key.

Hot and Cold

Nice... Chuck's in Florida... just got out of the hot tub and is heading home* to have cookie dough ice cream... and I'm here in Frozenville after driving all the way home in 4WD, listening to my neighbor shovel snow and ice off his driveway and feeling sickly full from eating too much Dinosaur BBQ.

I can't feel too bad though, I will be in LA in two weeks sipping Jamba Juice and enjoying some sunshine. LA will be business with not much time for fun, but then I'm taking a side vacation to Vegas to see my brother's new house and visit. I will be partaking of the nickel slot machines at the Hard Rock Hotel... and this time, if I get to meet Vin Diesel there (as I did in 1999 and barely gave him the time of day), I will at least touch his arm and say something witty - which I will obviously have to think of ahead of time - or risk saying something totally cheesy, like "if I told you you had a nice body, would you hold it against me".

*home is his parent's house

BTW, staying distracted helps me to cope with the grief. Humor is a nice distraction. Thinking of Vin Diesel's bod works temporarily too.

Had a bit of a setback today. Was doing somewhat better in the "grieving" realm, dealing better, crying less... then this...

My Stepdad sold the house and needs to be out by the end of the month. On Monday I was going through stuff from the upstairs bedrooms, finding mostly things from my teenage years... my signed Judas Priest mirror, my Def Leppard wall hanging... along with some very emotional treasures... a letter from my Mom sent to me at college, a card to me for my 19th birthday, "I can't believe my little girl is turning 19!" she wrote...

I'd only gotten through about a third of the room when I had to go, so I told him I'd come back today to finish. Well, he ended up throwing everything else out. EVERYTHING! GONE! Claims he thought I was done going through it, but I just think he willed himself to believe that because he is the most impatient man on the f**king planet. Mom died and he ran out and immediately bought a new truck, a new house... then a new woman - and, within a week of his "revelation" that he loved her, gave her a f**king ring and asked her to marry him! All within two months of Mom's death.

I'm sure he not only threw away more letters and cards I'd saved from Mom but probably also from my Dad (who died 11.5 years ago) too.

I think this is enough to bring on my anger phase. (*&(*#&($*&@^$*&@^*&$^*#^*&#^$*&^#

Then, on the way home, I'm flipping stations and hear pieces of songs that remind me of how I feel, remind me that she's gone, remind me of her eyes, remind me how much I love and miss her...

first it was, "Stay" by Jackson Browne...
oh won't you stay, just a little bit longer... please, please, say you will

then, it was "Aint too Proud to Beg" by The Temptations...
Please don’t leave me girl, don’t you go

then "Only the Good Die Young" by Billy Joel...

then "Your Song" by Elton John...
So excuse me forgetting, but these things I do
You see I've forgotten, if they're green or they're blue
Anyway, the thing is, what I really mean
Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen

... I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind
That I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world

then "Letters to You", by Finch...
I want you to know that
I miss you, I miss you so
I want you to know that
I miss you, I miss you so

Music can be brutal. That's why I didn't listen to the radio for at least a month after she died.

Well, I think my shallow post was a little cathartic, but it still felt a bit wrong. Not that I feel guilty for having a laugh or thinking of something enjoyable - Mom would want me to be happy - but sadness still fills a majority of my thoughts.

Lately though, food is a close second. Not that I'm indulging, but I am having food fantasies*.
*my term for thinking loving thoughts ABOUT food, not using food during loving.

I am going to LA at the end of the month and am driving DIRECTLY from the airport to Jamba Juice (thanks to Jenny who got me addicted). I am also excited to go to Lola's and have Baked Macaroni and Cheese and a Plate of Homebaked Cookies for dessert - they come to you piping hot. I am in dire need of some serious comfort food - and I think mac & cheese and cookies are about the best you're gonna get.

On that note, I really want to start a cookie delivery business. I'm not talking boring old cold cookies. I'm talking homemade cookies, delivered piping hot directly from the oven. I saw it on a show on The Food Network (that Jenny is addicted to now, thanks to me). I predict a huge future in hot, fresh cookies delivered to your door with a bottle of milk. I told Chuck he could be a Hot Cookie delivering hot cookies. I don't think he's going to take me up on it.

Let's see if I can attempt some shallow commentary that used to make up my blog content most of the time...

Some celebs I think are hot:

Colin Firth (... it's the accent... and the kissing scene from Bridget Jones Diary)


Vin Diesel (just for the bod... ooh)


George Clooney (rugged, handsome looks combined with a great sense of humor)


Jeremy Piven (liked him since the 80s... endearingly handsome)



Honorable Mention: Viggo Mortensen, Vince Vaughn, Hugh Jackman...

Lenny Kravitz may have made the list... until I took notice of his bellybutton, it's just wrong. That dude is in need of umbilicoplasty!!


Oh, and while I was looking for pictures, I came across the site Celebpecs.com - in case anyone's interested. It's especially nice that you can look up pictures based on the amount of chest hair they have. Heh heh.

New Year's Eve wasn't so happy. For some reason, at midnight, I felt overwhelmed with sadness. On one hand, the worst year of my life is over, but in reality, I know that a calendar change is not going to make anything easier. I also really missed my midnight call from Mom, she called every year to wish us Happy New Year. Eddie and I sobbed on the phone together, we miss her so much.

On a lighter note... Chuck and I watched "Reign of Fire". I've officially lost interest in Matthew McConaughey. After seeing him in a skirt at the Toronto Int'l film festival last year and then noticing the gigantic vein down the middle of his forehead in "The Wedding Planner"... well, yikes! Christian Bale on the other hand, well, he was looking fine.

Today seemed to be a better day. I had lunch with Mikha, Daniela's sister. It was so great. Both Mikha and Daniela (two gorgeous Brasilian women) are both so fun and interesting. I wish I could see them more often.

Last year at this time, Chuck and I were in Brasil with Daniela, staying with her family at their beach house (i.e., Paradise). It was definitely the best New Years of my life, all was good... we'd stay up until 3am playing Buraco, a card game. Chuck and I were so addicted to that game yet we haven't played it since. I guess it's not as much fun without Brasilians to play it with =) Daniela's family was so kind to us... it was so wonderful.

We did the Brasilian New Year's Eve tradition of wearing all white, going to the beach and, at midnight, wading in to the water, making a wish, and jumping 7 waves. I don't remember my wish, but I do remember becoming "champagne-enhanced Tina".

I am also very happy for Jenny and Aaron, they are now engaged. I knew Aaron was going to pop the question and I was so careful not to drop any hints to Jenny. Jenny's going to have to work out now, just to be able to hold her arm up with that gigantic ROCK on it!! Congratulations my friends!

F*&^$! I thought I should write about something happier, but I can't. Christmas Eve with the family went ok, but without Mom there, I just wanted to leave. I cried the whole drive home. Why can't this get easier? I honestly don't think it ever will. I think I will cry every day for the rest of my life. The strangest things trigger the saddest thoughts. You know it's bad when a Nine Inch Nails song can make you sob. Here's how that went...

F* you like an Animal came on the radio... the line "hey Pig, Piggy, Pig, Pig Pig" made me think of how my Brother gives everyone nicknames, how he used to call his ex-girlfriend Piggy and sing that song to her. Then I think about how he now calls his wife Skippy. It triggers the memory from that first week when Mom was in the hospital, when she was coherent... Eddie told her that Skippy said Hi, then he said it funny, "skippeeeeee", and Mom smiled. Then I begin to think more about while Mom was in the hospital, and those thoughts are the absolute worst, the most heart wrenching. I think about how she seemed, at that time, to be getting better, how she really shouldn't have died, how they let her bleed until it caused her heart to fail. I think about what I saw. No one should ever see what I saw. I don't want to think about how bloated she was and all the tubes and blood. I want to forget the hospital. I want to take a little pill and forget. I want to go back in time and see her go from nodding and blinking to talking and walking. But it doesn't happen that way. Reality hits and I can heardly bear it. All from a NIN song that should be inspiring lust instead of great sadness.

So as much as I want to write about the gigantic teddy bear Chuck got me for Christmas or the very cool red velvet pillow Jenny made for me, I need to write about the pain before it consumes me.

Jamba

On this weeks episode of The Osbournes, Sharon was drinking a Jamba Juice. Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh, I want JAMBA!!!!!!!

Jesus Christ, Superstar

My sister was asked if my Niece/Goddaughter could play Baby Jesus in her church's Christmas Pageant. That's so exciting!

I knew she was a Godsend, she's a little angel and has helped us all find happiness in a time of sorrow... so it's fitting that she would play a (THE) saviour.

Blue Christmas

My grieving situation has achieved the 80/20 rule. Eighty percent of the time, I'm fine. Twenty percent of the time, I'm an emotional, sobbing wreck. Usually that 20% is when I'm driving alone - consistently a dangerously sad time... or late at night when it's quiet and my mind wanders... or sometimes at unexpected moments, like when I'm at the Gap Christmas shopping. Distraction helps, but it's not always feasible. Cable tv helps (shallow, but true).

On the drive home tonight, I had the song "Blue Christmas" stuck in my head... and it made me cry because I will have a blue Christmas without Mom. So then I tried whistling "Winter Wonderland" to distract myself... and it made me cry because she loved to hear me whistle. So I called my sister and got distracted and stopped crying for 20 minutes. Then I hung up and cried for the last 2 minutes of my drive. Then I was ok again.

I should be SLEEPING!

I had yet another dream about Mom. In it, she was still in the hospital and I remember thinking, "why did I tell everyone she died?" The strange part is that even though it was about Mom, I didn't actually SEE her in the dream. But somehow I knew that she was doing very well.

I had another dream with my Mom in it. These dreams are precious, but strange. In them, she is unexpectedly alive, as I seem to be aware, in my dream, of the fact that she is supposed to have died.

Some strangeness with this dream though...

In the dream, I went to a family members house and Mom was lying on the floor talking on the phone. Again, I was surprised that she was alive. She got off the phone and started telling me that Eddie (my brother) had dreamt that night about being in hand to hand combat, gesturing as if she were holding a machine gun. So, in essence, she could "see" our dreams.

The wierd part - today I asked Eddie if he had that type of dream and he said he has violent dreams all the time, where he's usually killing somone (ok, that's scary too - the boy needs psychoanalysis). Anyhow, I found it interesting that it all tied in together, even though Eddie had never told Mom about having these type of dreams.

All in all, I don't care what they all mean, I just love the opportunity to see my Mom again, because it feels so real.

Rudolphina

I heard an interesting little tidbit on the radio yesterday. According to biologists, though both the male and female reindeer grow antlers, the males shed their antlers in late November/early December, while the females do not shed their antlers until the spring. Put two and two together and, yes... say it with me... all of Santa's reindeer are actually female!

You go girl!

As I realize how late it is, I created a pseudo-haiku relating to lack of sleep.

Delicate moon,
playing over the snow,
the night is over.

I need to vent. Along with all the other drama, I have a side issue happening that is only driving me slightly crazy. Before Mom died, Stepdad and I shared all of about 5 minutes of conversation a week. Now, he calls me every day, (down from many times a day) and tell me his every move in painful detail. On top of that, he doesn't remember from one day to the next what he's told me, so he repeats himself - VERBATIM - and I hear the same stories at least 4 times.

That said, I know he is going through the most difficult thing anyone could be asked to live through, so in the interest of saving his sanity, I let him ramble. It is, however, getting to the point where my sanity is in jeopardy. I'm having a hard time saying anything though, because I do NOT want to hurt his feelings, he's been hurt enough.

So just for my own amusement (misery loves company), I want to show you what I mean. Here is a message he left me last weekend. It is transcribed exactly, I exaggerate NOT:

Hi Honey, it's Dickie, I just called to see how you're doing, I didn't have a talk with you today. I was running around busy again, I went to see Uncle John this morning and give him his cigarettes and then I went to the cemetary to see your Mom and then I uh ** laughter and side comment to "fiance" ** um, and let's see, oh I bought some glasses and I got a earring and uh what else did I do? what else did I do? aaah, bought another pair of pants, bought the baby some REAL nice stuff and um, what else? I got a leather last night and um, anyway, I just wanted to see how you were doing and uh, gimme a call when you get a chance. I'm gonna go to church in the morning and then probably maybe I'll go down with Sherri, follow her back home, have a cup of coffee with Sher or something and oh, we're gonna have dinner Tuesday night at the house if you'd like to join us. I figured I'd make tuna casserole for Rosie and then I'll probably make something else, maybe I'll get some chicken or something, and I'll have some chicken, I know you like the chicken, if you want to join us, if you don't, you don't have to, that's no problem, and, anyway, hope Chuckie's feeling well [beep... "END OF MESSAGE" - as it ran out of space]

Oh, and my Aunt calls me about 5 times a day too and, in response to the news of Dick's engagement, says something like, "God was in my room in 1996 and, your Mommy is in heaven and Punky is in heaven and this is God's way of saving Dickie from Satan... "

That Linkin Park song keeps playing in my head...

Everything you say to me,
Takes me one step closer to the edge,
And I'm about to break,
I need a little room to breathe,
Cause I'm one step closer to the edge,
And I'm about to break

Side note, tidbits from Stepdad's message indicate that "fiance" is trying to transform him from blue-collar-carhart-jacket-blue-jeans-baseball-cap style to GQ man. More on that at a later date.

I long for the good old days when both Dad and Mom were alive, Dad was a drug dealer and fighting with Stepmom and Mom and Dick were my sanctuary of normalcy.

I haven't been blogging because I've been waiting for something good to say. Well, there just isn't any. It's all just completely shitty. But I won't say "it can't get worse" because the past months have proved that it sure the hell can.

Since I last blogged, my Stepdad has "fallen in love" with my Mom's former best friend, asked her to marry him and gave her a ring - drama ensued and is still causing stress every day. That same day I find out that kodak.com is going to be downsized from 150 people to about 40. So now I worry that I will lose my job too. And even if I happen to not get laid off, many of my friends could - and the work environment that I have always thought was so great because of all the wonderful people, will be shit.

Then, yesterday, Jenny learns that Aaron has been called back to active duty - potentially for a year. Not only is Jenny one of my best friends and I am deeply hurt and concerned for her, but Aaron is a great friend too - especially to Chuck - and we are concerned for him too (and will miss him dearly). After all, he has to be apart from Jenny and Oscar and the clan too. I only hope that it is a good place for him to be.

Update

Haven't been blogging, still having a hard time of it... normal for most of the day, then the drive home just kills me... can't stop the sad thoughts. It's not getting easier yet, it's getting harder. But there's just no helping it... no making it better... just have to try to get through it.

I dreamt about Mom last night - we were walking together and she kind of stumbled and then did some silly dance, and I hugged her and said "THAT'S why I miss you." I wish I could dream about her every night. I just live for it - where she's THERE again, right THERE - it seems so real. I need to learn lucid dreaming. Daniela got me a book about it, but I haven't really tried yet... I will.

Atlanta

Gotta go to Atlanta for work... leaving in couple hours. Not sure how keen I am on spending two nights alone in a hotel room. Chuck has been my saviour through all this... he is so thoughtful and kind and helpful... and he hugs me when I'm sad and crying. It will be hard, without any distraction at night, to keep me from dwelling on the sadness of the reality that Mom and Punky are gone... I hope the hotel room has cable, because that's the only other thing that keeps me distracted, TV.

On a hopeful note about Atlanta, there is a Jamba Juice about 3 miles from the hotel. If there is a God, he will help me find a way to get a Jamba while I'm in Atlanta.

Happy Birthday Eddie

Today is my brother's birthday. Probably his hardest one... I'm dreading mine. He and Skippy (Christina, his wife) went to LA to go to Disneyland. Then they called me from Jamba Juice on Melrose... that was just cruel. My two favorite things... great shopping and Jamba.

I need a trip to LA... I'd also go to Lola's and have homebaked macaroni and cheese, freshly baked hot cookies for dessert and about 5 martinis! Here are the ones I'd try:

You'd Be Blue Too Martini
Toddies Big Banana Martini
Clockwork Orange
Red Caramel Apple Martini
and a Very Berri Sherri Martini, in honor of my sister

Life Sucks Even More

Punky died yesterday. I'm starting to feel cursed... and pathetic... and like I have nothing but very sad things to talk and/or think about... and trying to remember how to function like a normal person...

Technically, I had the vet put him to sleep, but it was probably just a matter of minutes before he would have gone on his own. We got him a blood transfusion on Saturday, but it didn't help. I won't go in to the gory details, but by Monday morning, his condition just broke my and Chuck's heart... we didn't want him to suffer for one more moment.

So now nightime is even worse, because now in addition to thinking about Mom... now I think about Punky too. I miss getting in bed... then hearing Punky climb the stairs... then a few moments later... whoosh, he'd jump on the bed, crawl over Chuck to get to me - or crawl on Chuck if he was awake - then lay on me until I had to roll over and try to sleep, then he would lay next to me until I fell asleep... often still there in the morning. I miss his furry little face and gigantic feet (he had 7 toes on each foot).

I look at it as Mom got a belated birthday gift (appropriate, since I'm always late with gifts and such), a sweet, loving kitty to keep her company. She loved Punky very much... he lived at home (at Mom's) with me for 3 years before I got married, so she was very attached to him. I'm sure she's taking very good care of him.

Life Sucks

Nightime... the worst... sadness increases 10-fold... on top of it all, tonight I have more to be sad about.

First, it's Halloween, the first holiday of the "holiday season"... the first holiday without Mom. It may seem silly to miss Mom on Halloween, but she loved Halloween... every year she'd put on this silly indian mask to make us laugh... she'd get candy for anyone and everyone... she'd send a Halloween card with scratch-off lottery tickets in it. If her presence is so missed at Halloween, how am I going to get through Thanksgiving and... ugh, I can barely say it...Christmas? Not to mention her Birthday, which is this Sunday... she would have been only 57.

And the other tragedy occuring in my life... my cat is deteriorating rapidly. He has Chronic Kidney Failure and is in rough shape. He's anemic, his pupils are very dilated and he will only eat if we put the food right up to his nose. I realize he's a senior citizen, but I just can't bear to see him so sick... the Vet says he isn't suffering... but I'm not so sure. I think there may be some options, but they may only give him more 'weeks', not even 'months'... I just can't bear to think about it any more right now. I'll find out more from the Vet tomorrow morning...

Stop Crying Your Heart Out

Music is a powerful thing. Many songs take on much more significance when you've lost someone special.

This Oasis song "Stop Crying Your Heart Out", which before Mom died was just a catchy toon that seemed to be about self-pity, now takes on new meaning. It makes me feel as if the song was being sung to her as she was dying (from heart problems), with her family standing around her hospital bed... here are the main lyrics:

Hold up
Hold on
Don't be scared
You'll never change what's been and gone

May your smile (may your smile)
Shine on (shine on)
Don't be scared (don't be scared)
Your destiny may keep you warm

Cos all of the stars
Are fading away
Just try not to worry
You'll see them some day
Take what you need
And be on your way
And stop crying your heart out

We're all of us stars
We're fading away
Just try not to worry
You'll see us some day
Just take what you need
And be on your way
And stop crying your heart out
Stop crying your heart out
Stop crying your heart out

Better Living Through Chemistry

No, I haven't taken to drugs (just wanted to share a good article)... though the thought did cross my mind (prescription drugs). Instead, my brother Eddie gave me a great pep talk as to why I don't need them. He told me I was a very strong person and pointed out some of the shit I've lived through... and he's right... even if most of the time I feel fragile and sensitive, when I have to be, I can be strong. I attribute that to Mom.

So back to the Chemistry stuff... I'm a Beauty Product Nerd and, in particular, interested in anything and everything having to do with hair... and found this cool article:
Better Hair through Chemistry

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday to Yelli today. Welcome to my thirtysomething world.

Not so Fast

Ok, the healing may have begun, but it's going SLOW. I just can't believe she's gone, it's a physical pain. I want to stop my brain from working... to stop thinking of regrets and the horror of what I saw in the hospital.

I regret that we didn't at least entertain her worry that she could die (even though the Doctors made it sound about as risky as getting tonsils out). I regret that we didn't spend every waking moment with her before she went in to surgery. I would love more than anything to have had words of comfort - from her - to replay over and over in my head... instead of those other thoughts. I regret not telling the Doctor to treat her as though she was VP Dick Cheney... or David Letterman.. or HIS OWN mother. Would it have made a difference? I tend to think so.

The book I'm reading, "How to Survive the Loss of a Love" has alot of poems in it... and one struck me... it explains exactly how I feel...

I found
in you
a home.

Your departure
left me a
Shelterless Victim
of a
Major Disaster.

I called the
Red Cross,
but they
refused to
send over
a nurse.

The Healing Begins

It's still so painful, I can't believe she's gone. I never realized how much joy I got out of telling my Mom about my life. Things don't seem as meaningful without Mom to tell and be proud of me... I hope that will change with time.

I know she wouldn't want me to be moping around sad... she'd probably do a silly dance to cheer me up... problem is, Mom is probably the only one who truly could cheer me up at a time like this.

Her funeral was so sad, but there were funny moments too. A coworker of hers read from a collection of memories put together by himself and others who worked with her. It made us laugh through our tears, but that would be what Mom wanted - people laughing at her funeral.

My favorite was from a coworker who recalled - while very pregnant - complaining about how big her belly was getting... my Mom replied, "the only thing that gets bigger on me is my ass". Hee, hee... very "Mom".

All her coworkers were very sad. They said she was more than a coworker, she was a friend. She'd always ask about their families. She knew all their husbands/wives/kids names and, if they didn't have kids, she knew their pets' names...

My blog will probably be pathetic (if existent) for quite a while... but hopefully it will be funny too, as I recall many of the things that made my Mom so wonderful.

Heartbroken

Mom's gone. Sunday, October 6th... she couldn't fight any more.

I'm heartbroken. Not sure how to get through each day.

Someday, when it's a little easier, I may post about things that made my Mom such a special person, but right now it's too painful.

It's too painful to laugh. It's too painful to be.

I think I am going to stop posting about Mom. It seems that just when things are looking up, bad things happen. The latest is that she has pulmonary hypertension, i.e., her lungs aren't working right and making it hard to get oxygen to her other organs.

More miracles are needed at this point.

Her lungs seemed a little better today and she was a bit more alert... that was good.

Mom has beaten death before (in 1970, when she was 25, she was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Disease... they told my Dad and Gram that she had 3 months to live... she came back to Rochester and got a new form of radiation they had just started doing at Strong Hospital... and 5 years later, was considered "cured") and I pray she has the strength to do it again.

I cannot think about what might happen though, good or bad. I have to focus on the fact that she's still alive (even if it is machines that are the reason for that) and that she is fighting with everything she's got.

Mom is slowly improving. Back from the brink, I pray. I think she's going to have an I-could-see-myself-on-the-hospital-bed-from-above-then-started-down-a-tunnel-with-a-bright-light-at-the-end-and-saw-your-Dad-and-he-told-me-to-go-back-because-it-wasnt-my-time story to tell. Like Nikki Sixx... but not from a self-induced dose of heroin.

Still not "out of the woods" as the Dr.s say, but also "nothing short of a miracle".

I'm afraid my level of relief is unchanged until she becomes coherent again... A blink on command will be as if she's won a gold medal. I will be overjoyed.

Mom had some serious setbacks since my last post... blood clot, heart failure, liver failure, kidney failure... she's on every machine imaginable - a heart pump, a dialysis machine, a respirator... she's hanging on by a thread... but she IS hanging on. I think that thoughts of Mya (her new granddaughter, my new niece) are keeping her going.

It is heartbreaking and torturous... mixed with hope, faith, and small miracles.

I hope no one ever has to know what it's like to go through this.

My Mom is so special. She's strong and she's fighting for her life.

She's my inspiration.

Mom Update #3

Finally... some good news. Mom came off sedation today and responded well. She still can't talk, ventilator is still in, but communicated by blinking her eyes and nodding her head. She's definitely aware of who we are and what's going on - and that was a major concern. Tomorrow - when her Dr. is back - they should take out the ventilator and then she's "over the hump" - as the Dr. says.

Yesterday was a trying day, they kept her sedated all day... but obviously they know what they're doing, because it seemed to be just what she needed.

Mom Update #2

Things aren't going as well as we'd hoped with Mom - not out of danger, but indications are that she's improving slowly. They expect to keep her sedated and on the ventilator for the next couple days. It's hard to see your Mom like that. Funny thing is, I know if she were aware, she'd be more worried about everyone else than herself. The good news is that her heart appears to be functioning well.

I was supposed to leave for Germany today for Photokina, but just as I was getting ready to leave, she seemed to be doing a bit worse. So I delayed my flight until Sunday - not that I can do a damn thing, but just for my own peace of mind. Mom would tell me to go, but I need more of a warm fuzzy to be able to go and function like a human. I don't think I've ever felt more stress and worry in my life. My Mom is such a loving, fun and funny person and I'd be lost without her.

The nurses said that her surgery was the worst they'd seen in over a month but the doctor said that for what she's been through, she's doing great... So we just wait and hope and pray for better days.

Mom Update

Mom came through surgery after a couple complications. Turns out they had to replace 3 valves... then she had some bleeding after the fact so they had to keep her in OR longer. She is doing better this morning than yesterday... in Guarded condition rather than Critical... so things are looking up.

All your thoughts and prayers are appreciated. I'm off to see her now.

Guns N Noses?

This is supposed to be Axl Rose. I didn't believe it at first, but the picture was on E! online - wouldn't they verify their info before posting a pic of some freak posing as Axl? What the hell happened to him? He looks nothing like the Axl of old. Are his eyebrows gone? He looks bizarre. What the hell happened to him????

Ooh One More

Oh my God, I almost forgot (Jenny had to remind me) - we also saw Sharon Stone in Toronto... Very close up... hopping in to her limo... 2 feet away... she's stunning!

Speaking of Toffee

Toffee is the main ingredient in a Heath Bar. Heath Ledger was in Toronto. Heath Ledger passed me on the escalator. I was within 3 feet of him for about 2 seconds. Before my brain registered that it was him, he was gone. For some reason, my initial thought was that it could be David Beckham. This moment of unclarity was caused by the fact that D.B. had been plastered all over every paper and magazine in UK and, with the VERY short hair, they actually look kinda similar, don't ya think?.


David Beckham

But then I realized it was Heath - about 5 seconds too late. He just slid in the side door, up the escalator, flanked by security, looking down the whole time. I sent Jenny to the restroom (which was up the escalator) but by the time she got there, gone.

Sure, Chuck get's checked out by Tim Curry in the lobby of the Four Seasons, but I can't even get a glimpse of an eyeball. Still, it was cool.

Aaron also spotted Michael Caine waiting for the elevator (by himself, wheeling his own luggage). The elevator took forever and by the time it came, the crowd that had gathered around him (and chatted with him) all piled in and M.C. had to cram into the elevator with all these schmos who got there much after him. Inconsiderate!

We may also have seen Lauren Holly, but not sure it was her. And I'm pretty sure I saw the guy from E! channel. We missed Salma Hayek by mere moments, which didn't seem to phase Jenny until I pointed out that S.M. may equal Edward Norton. Then her eyes lit up... But alas, not to be this weekend... but there's always next weekend.

Ketchup

Been away so long...

Went to London, loved it. Walked a ton but still gained 5 lbs. So on that note and since my blog IS The "Daily Bite", I'll start by talking about the food I had...

• a Brie and Bacon sandwhich at the Hog in the Pound Pub (their bacon is like our ham)
  
• lots and lots of chips (I ate more fries in 2 weeks than in the previous 2 months here)
  
• a yummy pizza at Pizza Express, which is actually a pretty fancy little place
  
• a Banana Sundae - with yummy crunchy little merengue chips in it
  
• many Mocha Frappucinos
  
• a heavenly plate of Gnocchi drowning in cheese
  

Went to Edinburgh, Scotland for a weekend. Visited Edinburgh Castle and walked the Royal Mile. Gorgeous! Scotland is VERY VERY green... more memorable food...

• Jenny shared a dessert that I think was a little cake covered in toffee sauce with baked toffee on top - mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm - I almost ate it all before she could. I love toffee!!!!
  

Went to Paris the last weekend. Lots of very beautiful sights, a little more difficult to get around than London, but definitely had a good time and some good food...

• the best coffee I've every had... with warm milk... and many sugar cubes, mmmm
  
• that tasty baguette with butter and jelly each morning
  
• the butter and cinnamon crepe... I wish I'd had a few more... I'd go back just for the Crepes!
  
• the fruit tart from Fauchon - it was the kind of dessert that makes you realize how good life can be
  

Yes, it was a wonderful trip. Great friends, great food, great sights, great times.

Y'knowhattamean?

On the internet at Tower Records in Picadilly Square in London. Trip so far is great. Been to Scotland and have been seeing the sights in London. Jenny is an excellent tour coordinator! Heading for Paris on Friday.

However, the interesting story comes from the trip from Rochester to Pittsburgh. One of those leetle planes - seats about 20 - two seats on one side, one on the other. Jenny and I were sitting together and Chuck was just across the aisle. A man of about 400lbs was milling about waiting for another passenger to move from his seat. He then was in the way of others trying to get by and squeezed his way into my seat to get out of the way. Yes, his 400lb ass was right directly in my face. I had to lean WAAAAAYYYY over to Jenny so as not to have my face touching his enormous ass. I honestly thought he was going to sit on me, so I politely pleaded, "be careful, be careful". Not for him to be careful not to hurt himself, but to be careful not to crush me! Worst part about it, he didn't even apologize or say excuse me. I'm scarred for life.

The Enabler

Jenny writes of me being an enabler for buying her the kitty purse shown here. But in her blog, she leaves out the fact that I owe her and Aaron a huge debt of gratitute for not only inviting us to England, but handling all the plotting and planning for while we're there.

It was a small token of my appreciation for all the wonderful things Jenny does for me!!!!

We also got Aaron a man purse yesterday. The guy told me that in NYC, you don't see a man without a man purse. It really makes sense - everyone, regardless of gender - has STUFF to carry. You can only fill your cargo pants so full before you start to look like MC Hammer.

Heath Bar

Jenny is beginning the annual plotting and planning for the Toronto International Film Festival. This will be our third year. We enjoy the films, the shopping and the celeb-spotting (my favorite pastime) - read more about it in my archives.

This year, there will be a nice collection of hunks available for our viewing (hopefully in person) pleasure. Edward Norton will be there and Jenny is quite fond of him as he appeared in Keeping the Faith (not necessarily in any other film).

Heath Ledger will be there, who I have a soft spot for since watching him in his unknown days on the drama series "Roar" where he played a Celtic warrior prince. Mmm. I remember thinking, "that guy will be a big star someday". Aren't I perceptive.

Separated at Birth

I really wanted more examples, but I can't hold out any longer. I think Joel is Gary Sinese's evil twin.



We've determined that Joel needs to write a book about all his life adventures and stories. My favorite being the one where (recounted via my memory and story telling abilities, not Joel's - so this chapter in his book may read different...) anyway... he was riding his bike when he noticed a thin metallic glint ahead, the thin metallic glint turned to face him and became a large metallic obstruction - a guy in a Smartfood Popcorn costume - who he proceeded to mow down with his bike.

I doubt there are too many people in the world who have run over a guy in a popcorn costume. Only Joel.

We've also determined that Gary Sinese will play Joel in the film version.

Blog AWOL

Sorry, not sure what has or hasn't gotten in to me. On top of not having time, I guess I haven't had anything interesting to say.

So, an update. My niece is doing very well, up to near 4 1/2 lbs and on probably coming home in the next two weeks. The feeding tube is out, no more incubator... growing, growing, growing. Soon she will be ready to be fully enveloped in the insanity that is my family. Good insane though.

Other than visiting le petit bébé, I am trying to learn French. Chuck, Jenny, Aaron and myself are leaving for London next week and will be taking a side trip to Paris. So as not to offend anyone, I am doing my best to learn. I am quite sure that, no matter how much I THINK I know, I'll get there and go completely blank. I see myself saying, "ah duh" over and over. So maybe they will continually think I am counting to two, assume me to be "off" and perhaps have pitty on me.

Barney Love

When I was in DC last week (melting in 100 degree heat and humidity), I took a quick tour of the Whitehouse. That's when it happened. I met Barney, the president's dog. He looked in to my eyes. I looked in to his. He kissed me on the nose. We had a moment.

I'm not big in to politics and, if anything, I lean to the left, but Barney melted my heart and I have renewed respect for President Bush in raising such an upstanding young pup. If only his daughters were as well behaved!

Feeling Better

The miracle of modern medicine. I'm about 90%. Sick of drinking cranberry juice though!

If I Die Before I Wake

Well, you know something is wrong with you when you drive along in 95 degree humid weather with the windows closed and the air off and you are STILL getting goosebumps.

I have a bladder infection. In thinking about it more through the haze of a fever and nausea, I might have a bladder infection combined with the yuckiness Joel had.

Call me a wimp, but I feel like I'm going to die. God forbid I get something really wrong with me!

Aaah, the Weekend

The weekend is finally here. Hubby and I are running off to The 1000 Islands to be in a golf tournament with his parents - all for fun. Good thing since I'm very much out of practice.

My niece Mya is doing very well, up to 3lbs 6oz as of a couple days ago and feeding on her own. Still a little peanut, but growing stronger each day. Sis is almost back to her old self, worrying heavily about how her hair looks and when she will able to wear her jeans again. I think little miss Mya will be a fashionista out of the gate. Apparently the first outfit she wore was a little bee outfit I got her from Gymboree. So instead of a little peanut, she was a little honey bee.

Testing 1,2,3

Daniela has been taking tests like a madwoman. I have partaken of a few...

First I tested out as a Pisces, though I'm pretty sure my true Scorpio nature is just a few drinks away at any given moment.

Then I found out I was The Girl Next Door type.

From there I went on to find out that my candy heart is "Be Good" (in direct opposition to the Pisces result).

Next thing you know, I determine that I am indeed a Sex Goddess - PERSEPHONE, Goddess of the Night (see Daniela's blog for description).

Latest is that I'm an ENFP - Extrovert, Intuitive, Feeling, Perceiving - still the same since I first took the Myers-Briggs test about 10 years ago. I think I'm even more extroverted now...

Tests are fun...

Bargain Bonus

I got two new pairs of shoes today. A $200 pair and a $140 pair. I only paid $29 each though. Oh happy day. I love to "get a deal". A small part of me wanted to buy them only for that reason.

I am a bargain shopper, and in saying that, I realize it is a very vague term. A bargain shopper could be someone who shops for clothes at WalMart. This is NOT me. (Target, yes). A bargain shopper could be someone who shops at Banana Republic but buys stuff on sale. This would be me. OR, depending on your status in life, a bargain shopper could be someone who shops at Bluefly.com and pays $450 for a Fendi purse instead of $1000. This also, is NOT me. If I won the MegaMillions, it would be me.

Does Size Matter?

Since I attended SIGGRAPH conference last year, I've been getting alot of spam at work. Much of it has been pornish. Today I got this email at work...

In a recent survey conducted by Durex condoms, 67% of women said that they are unhappy with the size of their lovers. Proof that size does matter! A large member has much more surface area and is capable of stimulating more nerve endings, providing more pleasure for you and your partner. Our revolutionary pill developed by world famous pharmacist is guaranteed to increase your size by 1-3". Enter here for details

OK, not only disturbing that I got it at work, but disturbing because the LAST thing I want to do is INCREASE my size.

From Sex-Pot to Sex-Not

I took the What Zodiac Sign SHOULD You Be? test that Daniela linked to. I had always suspected I wasn't totally Scorpio, but, alas, I've turned out to be a Pisces:

----------
The planets are very complex. Maybe your astrologer will disagree, and maybe a few tendencies will vary, but overall you're a PISCES. You've got that water-sign style which is characterized by an emotional and intuitive nature. You have a magical and spiritual presence, which is why Pisces people are said to be "old souls." As a Pisces, you are especially imaginative, artistic and sensitive. A loyal and generous friend, you are also known for being the quintessential romantic. You thrive on change and adapt quickly and effortlessly to new situations. But your tendency toward self-doubt and insecurity leaves you a little overly impressionable. You aim to please and hate to say "no" for fear of disappointing others. A true Pisces is a wonderfully caring and invaluable friend. You are most noted and admired for your abundance of genuine compassion.
----------

I'm bummed. It's pretty accurate, but I'd rather be a Scorpio Sex-pot.

What's Your Sign?

Daniela found an interesting description of Scorpios.

Yes, Scorpios often get a bad wrap, labelled as the ones "most likely to have murdered someone" or all about "sex, sex, sex" (ok, maybe that's not bad persay). Knowing many Scorpios - Daniela, myself, my brother, my Mom, and others... I'd say that the description Daniela found is pretty good... we're not all bad.

Of course after reading that Scorpios are considered the "sex-pots" of the zodiac, now my ego IS the size of Australia.

I'd really like to know everyone else's sign... so comment away.

Hectic Life

Life has gotten quite hectic these days and I can't seem to find enough time in a day. I need brownies... not the kind you eat, the kind who clean your house.

Mood Ring

I found this funny:

A woman is talking to a friend at a supermarket.
She tells her, "My husband bought me a mood
ring the other day.
When I'm in a good mood, it turns a
beautiful blue.
When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a
big red mark on his forehead."

Mya New-a Niece-a

Here's a pic of my precious little niece. Lots of hair, unlike her Aunt Tina, who was bald until the age of 3.



Funny side note: when my brother Eddie (always trying to get a laugh) heard that they were naming her Mya, he said, "you mean like 'mya ballsa itcha'?" Sherri didn't laugh all that hard at that one.

Aunt Tina

After 2 months in the hospital, my sister went in to labor this morning and delivered a 3lb 2oz baby girl via c-section - 10 weeks early. Mya Karyna is doing very well and is VERY CUTE (no, I'm not biased).

She was wearing a little pink hat - yep, already fashionable, that little niece of mine.

Mah-Jongg

I am totally addicted to this game. On top of that, while I'm playing it, I get a strong urge to eat Oreos.

I need help, MY hair's on fire

I took the personality disorder test Daniela linked to.

I'm not sure if I should be very pleased that I scored low on everything else or very worried that I scored high on Histronic.

Paranoid: Low
Schizoid: Low
Schizotypal: Low
Antisocial: Low
Borderline: Low
Histrionic: High
Narcissistic: Low
Avoidant: Low
Dependent: Low
Obsessive-Compulsive: Low

Corey Feldman

Could someone please explain to me why there's so much buzz about Corey Feldman these days? First he's in Moby's video licking his cell phone. Then he's being interviewed on the radio. Today he was #5 on the "movers" list on Yahoo. Did he get asked to BE in Moby's video BECAUSE there's buzz about him or did the cell-phone-licking cause the buzz? I don't get it. Why, why, why?

What next? Corey Haim in a Gap ad?

Food Fantasies

I'm still "on the wagon" - i.e. eating healthy and exercising (exorcising ;-) and I'm actually finding it easy to pass on stuff that is "bad" for me, such as Tim Horton's donut holes... but last night I had these "Red Hot Blues" tortilla chips (they are soooo good) dipped in melted Monterey Jack cheese (Sharp Cheddar works well too). It was almost enough to drive me off the edge... It's the kind of food you just can't "eat in moderation" - you need to eat a whole bag with a pound of cheese to the point of illness until you feel satisfied.

Thus began my most recent Food Fantasy... I can see it now... the cheese gently oozing off the chip and falling back into the bowl... reheating the cheese again until it forms little puddles of cheese grease... the precious little specs of spicy goodness on each chip... mmmmmmmmmmmm.....

The chips are actually a pretty healthy choice... it's just that they need to be slathered in a ton of cheese to create the heavenly combination worth going off the wagon for.

Baby Stuff

Jenny and Aaron helped me register for baby stuff for my sister today. She's still in the hospital - has been for over 6 weeks now - and will be until she delivers - could be another 10 weeks.

Picking out baby stuff is not as easy as it seems. There's so much to consider. We were on the phone with Sherri most of the time and even called in for the expertise of Joel- who has three babies worth of experience.

*Boop*... *boop*... I loved using the scanner gun. We scanned some extra stuff because it was just soooo cute... and were tempted to start scanning clothes and stuff we liked and then when Sherri opened them as gifts, I'd go "oops, I'll take that".

Aaron accidentally scanned Jenny's eye. She wasn't pleased. We had to take the gun away from him. Safety first.

All in all, it was stressful but fun.

Ow

Biked 10 miles with Abby and Matt yesterday. It was great, but today I have pain in inapproriate places. Damn bike seats.

F.B.P.O.T.M.

Haven't posted one in a while, but I just ordered some online, so Phytodefrisant is my Favorite Beauty Product of the Moment. It is the best hair straightening stuff around i.m.h.o., though I hope to not need it if I can ever get thermal reconditioning.

Gray Day

I think I found my first gray hair today. Not bad, made it to 33 1/2 without one. Not freaking out. And I don't buy in to that "pull 1, 4 more will grow" wives tale. Load of crap. That sucker is coming OUT.

RATC

I realized today that you never hear about Ring Around the Collar in laundry detergent ads anymore.

Goodbye Kitty

In a quick search to find a picture of a Spideyman doll for my previous post, I came across beWild.com. Then I found this "Goodbye Kitty" t-shirt among many other interesting offerings.

World Cup fans might like these contacts:

GO USA!!!!!!!!! and, out of respect and love for my good friend Yelli, her wonderful family and her beautiful country... GO BRASIL!!!!!!!!!!

Jamba Jamba Jamba

Back from Denver. Quick trip. Mostly travel and work. But, amidst it all, a shining ray of light that is Jamba.

First let me say that Vanguard airlines is very limiting in two very important elements of my life. Eating and peeing. The gate in KC was secured off from the hallway containing the bathroom and restaurants. So to get food or pee, you have to wait through security again. With no time for that, I practically encurred a bladder infection waiting for the damn "fasten your seatbelt" sign to get turned off so I could go to the bathroom. Then, the only food available to us over the span of 7 hours were a bag of 8 tiny pretzels or a nasty-ass raisin granola bar. Thank GOD I brought pistachios and Love Hearts.

So after arriving in Denver, our first destination was Jamba Juice. I was in 7th Heaven. Kurt was a Jamba virgin and I was concerned that with all my J.J. hype, he might be disappointed (like when someone tells you that Raising Arizona is the best movie ever so you rent it and think, "what the hell kind of crack were they on?"), but it was a success - he was definitely pleased.

After working for the next 6 hours, we made our way to the hotel. We were wiped out, having been awake since 1am Denver time, so in deciding what to do for dinner, I jokingly suggested ordering Jamba Juice, "they deliver". Next thing I know, Kurt was on the phone placing an order (the crack they put in his Razzmatazz that morning obviously did the trick). With a minimum order, we thought it would be cool to get a few different flavors to sample, so I could get a better grip on which ones I liked so I wouldn't ALWAYS order an Orange-a-Peel.

Turned out to be a stroke of brilliance. We got 5 different Jambas: Peenya Kowlada, Kiwi Berry Burner, Banana Berry Blitz, Jamba Powerboost, and Cranberry Craze.

With our renewed energy from the Jambas, we walked over to Dave & Busters where I proceeded to win my very own stuffed Spideyman doll. Spidey and I got quite a few glances from admiring fans at the airport.

And though I thought we may have O.D.'d on the Jamba (though we didn't drink ALL of them), we got one last hit before leaving for the airport the next day. I got a Banana Berry Blitz, my new fave... but quickly realized that my new fave does a good job of distributing blueberry skin into every crevice of my teeth. Joy.

Off to Denver

Quick trip to Denver tomorrow for work. The sucky part is that I have to get up at 3:30am to make a 7am flight in Buffalo. The excellent part is... those of you who know me will know this... JAMBA JUICE!

I may have to leave the wagon parked in Rochester (ie, have more than 1500 calories per day... heck, I could drink that in Jambas alone)!

Wagonville

Speaking of the wagon - an update... I've been very good for two weeks now... eating good, climbing stairs with Jenny at lunch... just started doing crunches each morning... have lost 4 pounds. New pants no longer look like hoochie pants. Am pleased.

Get your Groove On

The Playgroup CD I bought a couple months ago at Firehouse 15 is awesome. A few weeks after I bought it, I heard them playing it at Urban Outfitters in Denver. That made me feel hip ;-)

If you like techno, have a listen.

Observations

As I was driving home last night, "Fat Bottom Girls" from Queen was playing on the radio. Is it disturbing to any one else that the only guy singing about liking fat bottom girls ("you make the rockin world go round") was gay? A damn cool gay man... but overall probably not too interested any-sized-bottom woman.

Isn't it extremely annoying when this happens: you and another car have to stop in the left lane behind someone turning left, then you put your blinker on to get by them via the right lane and wait for traffic to clear, then when traffic finally clears, the bastard behind you cuts in to the right lane and floors it, trying to prevent your opportunity to cut into the right lane? I was ahead of you, you knew damn I also wanted to cut over... MF*#(&(*@&(*& - you damn well better let me cut in too. Aaaaarrrrgh!

Again with the Hair Straightening

After many hours of online research, reading posts to beautywalk.com, I've decided NOT to get thermal reconditioning done in Rochester. I am going to have to wait until I'm in a big city... or drive to NYC and get it done. Here's why:

• most posts mention either the Yuko System (patented by the inventor of this type of straightening), Liscio (Magic Straight Perm), or Bio Ionics. No mention of Paul Brown - which is the product/process the salon here uses. From the posts, I assume Yuko is best, but all three can give great results if you have an experienced stylist
• the stylists at the salon here just learned so they are very inexperienced
• in the newpaper article and via phone inquiry, they quoted the cost range to be $250-$400; when I went in for my consult, they quoted the lowest cost to be $400 (I think they jacked up the price because of the amount of interest)
• posts on beautywalk.com suggest that the process has a decent learning curve to get the timing right - so use an experienced stylist (note the common theme)
• inexperienced stylist + new product/process = NOWAY
  

So, it seems like my best bet is to either got to VincentJ in Fort Lauderdale, AndersonFrench in NYC, or Yuko Salon in LA. I need now is to win the lottery. Dammit.

Undercover Brother

Went and saw Undercover Brother this weekend. It was hilarious! It evolved from the Undercover Brother webseries of animations.

Dave Chapelle, one of my favorite comedians, was in it, along with Chris Kattan and Neil Patrick Harris (aka Doogie Howser, MD). A must see.

I found out that Denise Richard's butt was digitally "enhanced" (bootified =) for this movie poster. In reality she's got a flat little butt.

Straight and Narrow

I've gotten questions about the cost of Thermal Reconditioning, so here's more details than you ever wanted to know about my hair and the info I got from my "consultation" on TR.

About me and my hair:

• it's naturally curly but fine/thin, just beyond shoulder length
  
• with current cut, it looks like shit curly and I end up wearing it up
  
• takes about 15 minutes to blowdry straight, but it's a frizzy, poofy straight so I have to flat iron to get it smooth - ~another 10 min.
  
• if I spend 25 min and get my hair straight, sleek & smooth, then get rained on at all, it frizzes and poofs out
  
• the newspaper and the quote my sis got in a phone call to the salon said that the cost would range from $250-$400 depending on hair type. With my hair type, I assumed $300 at the most.

What I learned in my consultation:

• the stylist had TR done on herself ~2 wks ago
  
• her hair looked pretty nice (it was dyed black)
  
• she determined it could be safely done to my hair (you can't have/get highlights or hair can break off)
  
• no more frizz (rain be damned)
  
• still need to blowdry to get hair totally smooth, but should cut drying time significantly (her blowdry used to take over an hour, now it takes 10 min)
  
• should last 6-8 months as weight of hair will pull regrowth pretty straight
  
• process takes about 4 hours
  
• basically, they condition your hair, rinse, blowdry, apply more stuff, flat iron it, apply neutralizer, rinse (to get more details, check thermalreconditioning.com)
  
• need to cut a little bit off the ends afterward as it does tend to fry the ends a bit
  
• tends to lighten hair a shade or two, but you can get a color rinse right after
  
• they give you a special shampoo and conditioner that you MUST use
  
• you shouldn't wash your hair for 2-3 days after
  
  AND LAST, BUT NOT LEAST:
  
• it will cost me $400!! (apparently the paper was wrong and the base price is $400... I think they jacked the price up when they saw how much interest there was)
  

So... the pros and cons:
PROS:

• less time doing hair
  
• improves hair condition (smoother and shinier)
  
• no more frizz
  
• no more sore arms from blowdrying for 20 minutes
  
• no more need for Frizz-ease, Phytodefrisant, Str8, Bed Head Control Freak, and so on...
  

CONS:

• $400
• they're pretty new to it
• can't wear it curly (but it looks like shit curly anyway, so that's not really a con)
• Joel thinks "the salon" (heretofore unnamed) that is doing it here sucks and my hair will fall out

Wagonville

Well, it's been 3.5 days of healthy eating and I'm not fantasizing about Krispy Kremes yet.

Tuesday, I got on the scale and it appeared I had lost 5 pounds. I thought, "Dear Jesus, miracles do happen!!"... then I looked closely at the scale and saw that it was not set at 0, it was -5. I had hit it with the door and knocked it out of balance the night before. CRUEL, CRUEL WORLD!!

So in reality, I'm barely a half pound lighter since Sunday. UGH! IMPATIENT! WANT TO BE SKINNY IMMEDIATELY!!

Straighter Days Ahead

I have a consultation at a salon in Rochester tonight to see if I'm a candidate for Thermal Reconditioning. The only place doing it in Rochester as far as I know.

Looks like it may happen. I'm a bit nervous... but the thought of cutting 20 minutes out of my morning routine is very appealing. And no more frizz? Worth every penny.

By the time my hair grows back out, I will probably be dying for curly hair again...

Should I do it?

Not so Good News

Punky had his checkup today, not the best news. His liver number is about the same, down slightly, but his red blood cell count is really low. Before it was normal - 44% - today it was 22% - below 10% is life threatening. He started on special food today (which, thank God, the picky little sh*t likes) so that should help. We can go to every other day with his IV and see how he does.

He's not really getting used to it, he's getting worse. It's not a simple, quick injection. We have to administer fluids with a big (I'd pass out if it had to be used on me) needle for about 5 minutes per spot, three to four spots per session. Chuck swears that Punky "squinches up his skin" to make it harder to find a spot to put the needle. Punky always looks very pissed and lately he turns around and looks at Chuck as if to say, "please, leave me alone". He doesn't hold a grudge though, he's still very snuggly.

Overall, he appears to be doing well, so I won't worry too much... but, well, that's a lie. I will worry.

Wagon City

Well, after a very indulgent weekend, I am now officially back on the wagon (eating healthy). As per usual, I had to have a last hurrah with my most favorite and craving-inspiring foods to get it out of my system.

My last hurrah included - a grilled cheese bacon burger at Friendly's, a smoothie from TCBY, a grilled ham & cheese, potato chips, some Milky Way miniatures, breakfast at IHOP (with hash browns, of course), lots and lots of melted cheese with tortilla chips, and, of course, Krispy Kreme Original Glazed Donuts (about 6 over 2 days).


All behind me. I'm on to chicken, vegetables, protein shakes, yogurt, oatmeal, and diet popsicles. Woo hoo. Must not only fit in to current clothes, but hoping to eventually fit in to the "skinny" clothes that have been hanging bored in my closet for a while now. Wonder if they're still in style.