Thursday, January 25, 2001

Clean as a Whistle

Get ready for it, the "First Major Toilet Paper Innovation in over 100 Years". Yes, debuting this week, "Cottonelle Fresh™ Rollwipes — America's first and only dispersible, pre-moistened wipe on a roll."

I don't know what shocks me more, the fact that toilet paper NEEDS to change or the fact that it hasn't changed AT ALL in so many years. I think that until now, toilet paper has been the antithesis of the personal computer. All that's over now. First pre-moistened, what'll be next, exfoliating? "For a youthful looking...", err, I won't even go there.

Bunny Hugger Blunder

As many of you may know, my friend Jenny loves bunnies. She had a beloved pet bunny (R.I.P. Bunny) whom she misses very much and she collects all things bunny related. She is a true bunny hugger. I am also a great lover of animals. I sob when I see roadkill, imagining the suffering and pain endured. Emergency Vets sets me off like a faucet. My doggie and kittie (Grizz and Punky) get big kisses when I get home. I have deer whistles on my car for their sake more than mine. I used to volunteer as an educator at the zoo. I love those sweet little fuzzy faces and don't want to bring them any harm. That is, unless I'm hungry, then the story changes slightly.

Anyway, last week I lost my gloves and, being that it's still DAMN COLD here, had to dig out another pair. The only thing I found was a pair of rabbit-fur-lined mittens my Mom had gotten me a couple years ago for Christmas. I didn't want to offend my Mom, but I was horrified, so I kept them but never wore them. Until now. I really didn't have much of a choice and, as much as I hate to admit it, they are toasty warm. Well Jenny got a glimpse of them today and the look on her face was crushing. She said, "heeeyyyy" and, after grabbing at them, "those feel familiar."

I'm sorry Jenny, but don't feel bad, they just shaved the little guys and then sent them on their way. Glued the fur into the gloves. Yep, I read it on the tag, yeah, that's how they make 'em.

Tuesday, January 23, 2001

I'm on My Way

Jenny added to my list of diets and listed the Intestinal Flu Diet. I found out today that hubby has four (count 'em - FOUR!!) coworkers who contracted some kind of stomach bug and had 2 days of, well, lets just say, expulsion of bodily fluids from various orifices.

My first thought, "did they lose weight???" My second thought, "Honey, can you inhale deeply near a couple of them, then come home for a make out session?" I'll be thin and fabulous in a mere 2 days.

Sunday, January 21, 2001

Pleasure and Pain

I went snowboarding yesterday. First time this year, went twice last year. Got instruction from Tony, he's a great teacher, very patient. Got encouragement from Andy, he waited and waited, and didn't complain even the tiniest bit.

It went like this: ooooh, fun... fun, fun, fun... OW! fun, fun, fun... intense fear of getting off the lift... OW, OW, OW ** stars and birdies **... concusion? Don't think so. Back up, Fun, fun... heel side is easy, getting the hang of this... fun, fun, fun. What? Toe side? Do I have to Tony? Ok... OH MY GOD, I'M GOING TOO FAAASSSTTT... OW OW! Try a turn, WOW, I DID IT, can't turn back though, AAAHH, boom - OW, OW, OW. Back to heel side, slow and easy... Fun, fun, fun!

Today, it's like this: OW, OW, OW... pain everywhere... neck, shoulder blade, wrist, calves, shoulders, legs, OW, OW, OW. Feel like I got hit by a bus. Hmmm, perhaps I am feelin the burn... losing weight? Wonder when I can go again!

Thursday, January 18, 2001

Diets for the New Millenium

Jenny and I were talking at lunch yesterday and, in our own warped way, realized that there is some uncharted territory in the realm of fad diets. Here are a few we thought could be the next hot new thing.

The Mt. Everest Diet

Climb Mount Everest and subsist on freeze-dried food and water. Lose ALL your body fat and then lose some of your muscle tissue too. Heck, while you're at it, you might even lose some bone density - every pound counts. If you survive, you will be thin and fabulous!

Inspired by the book "Into Thin Air" (Jenny)

The For-My-Art Diet

Become an actor and star in a movie where you have to drop a bunch of weight in a short period of time to portray a person stranded on a desert island for 4 years. You will be praised for your conviction to your art and for dropping weight faster than Calista Flockhart after a cheeto-fest. You'll be thin and fabulous as you go up to collect your Oscar.

Inspired by Tom Hanks.

The Braces Diet

Have an orthodontist turn you into metal mouth and within hours all those yummy fattening treats will be too painful to eat. You'll survive on soup and mini-pancakes for weeks. When you walk your size 2 into a room, your smile will light the way. You'll be thin and fabulous.

Inspired by Jo - she looks great!

Tuesday, January 16, 2001


The Movie-a-Minute site is hilarious. It summarizes movies into one or two sentences. I noticed they didn't have one for The Perfect Storm, so I wrote one. WARNING: If you haven't see the movie, you might not want to read this!!

George Clooney:
I cannot be outfished by an attractive woman. I will brave danger to prove my manhood.

Marky Mark:
I must go fishing this one last time before I give it up to be with my loving wife.

(Score the mother load of fish, gigantic wave, everyone dies)

Has Hell Frozen Over?

Can you believe that I actually craved a veggie burger today? Shocking! I actually thought that Hell had frozen over and I was craving healthy food, but alas, it wasn't meant to be...

I had a veggie burger at the Empire a couple weeks back. I was in one of those I-really-should-eat-something-healthy kind of moods - which I'm not in too often, especially when out at a restaurant that serves bacon cheeseburgers. But that day (it must've been right after the new year), I was in this rare mood and the veggie burger came with cheese on it, so I took the plunge and ordered it. First bite seemed to taste pretty good but I got nervous when I could actually SEE vegetable matter - good sized chunks of carrots and some green stuff. I thought, "if this burger is THAT close to being real pieces of vegetable as opposed to a vegetable slurry, I won't like it." But like a trooper, I continued on, one bite at a time. Mmmmmmmmm. Ignored the visible vegetable chunks, savored the cheese and tomato sauce and loved every minute of it. This veggie burger turned out to be a little slice of heaven. I rejoiced! I have been saved, I finally liked something that was healthy.

So today I had to have another one. However, after enjoying my pseudo healthy meal, I had a realization... I think the Empire's veggie burger is deep fried in lard. Yep, it's the only logical explanation for why I not only liked it, but subsequently CRAVED it. It's boiled in oil, then topped with cheese. It all makes perfect sense now.

Friday, January 12, 2001

Sniff my Arm Please

If you've read my blog before, you'll remember that I raved about Skinmarket, which, I'll repeat, is not related to porn in any way (except for the fact that the sensuous smells of their wonderful products can supposedly lead to episodes of porn).

Well today I used my Brown Sugar Body scrub and I smell better than homemade cinnamon rolls. I almost got caught sniffing my arm in the hallway. That would've been a little difficult to explain! I made Jo and Abby sniff my arm. They agreed that I smell yummy. I tried to get Tim to sniff my arm, he took a pass. It's been 8 hours since my shower and I can still smell my yummy self, which is quite amazing since most people can't smell themselves at all after about 15 minutes (hence people who drench themselves in enough perfume and cologne to choke a horse yet walk around like they smell like the spring air). The description of the product says the following:

These amazing scrubs have to be smelled to be believed; the
ultra-sensual fragrances of green tea, orange vanilla, and
citrus have been known to drive men wild. Brown sugar
exfoliates, leaving skin unbelievably smooth, while nut oils
soak your skin with moisture. A full-body brown sugar
rub-down will leave you absolutely glowing.

I'm not quite driving any men wild (not even close), but I certainly am intoxicating myself with the luscious smell of myself. I'm sorry if that sounds like I'm bragging, but you really have to try this stuff to believe it! Either that or sniff my arm.

Thursday, January 11, 2001

Blogger is Back!

Well, I can finally post to Blogger again. I hope my $10 helped. Only now I have a book to write about what's been happening over the past month. Happy Hew Year everyone.

Food Sinner

Since I last blogged, my hubby has turned in to a food nazi. He is a Virgo and, of course, can't do anything half way. He made a firm decision to eat better and lose weight and the boy has the will power of a supermodel now. He is recording and measuring everything, in true Virgo style.

You ever been around someone very religious and you feel a bit uncomfortable because you just know your not as "good" as you should be. After all, you know that they wouldn't even break the speed limit and you peeled out of the parking lot of the liquor store last night and drove home like a maniac to get home in time to see Sex in the City. Well that's how I feel around hubby. I feel like a food sinner.

Me: "Honey, I'm starving, let's stop and grab a pizza."
Hubby: "No, I have to get home so I can eat a piece of chicken the size of a deck of cards, 10 miniature carrots, one cup of corn without butter, and a gallon of water."

Well, I say get me a dozen Krispy Kremes and send me on my way to Hell.

Sea Lions, Dolphins, and Whales, Oh My!

I just got back from a business trip to San Jose, but took an extra few days to visit with my very good friends who moved out there. As I got off the plane at 10:30pm (1:30am NY time), Su says, "Tina, you're going to hate me. You're going to love me but you're going to hate me." I love the way Su expresses herself! She continues, "we're going Whale watching!". I am THRILLED, ESTATIC! Dolphins and whales are a passion for me. "But we have to leave at 7:30am." Ugh. But really, not a problem for me at all. If I can pop out of bed at 4am to go to Krispy Kreme, I can certainly pop up at 7am for playful marine mammals.

It was well worth it. Almost immediately we saw a school of 600 Common Dolphins - with a few Sea Lions mixed in. The froliced and swam next to the boat, entertained us and posed for some great pictures. (This isn't my picture, but mine will look alot like this:)

Then we saw some Gray whales, but I have to be honest, they weren't all that exciting. You'd see them for about a minute - their backs and then a quick tail fluke, then they'd dive for about 10 minutes.

But just when we thought the excitement was over, we spotted a Sea Otter. He had fallen asleep and floated out pretty far. I think we woke him up, he looked pretty groggy and his expression seemed to say, "What the... Where am I? Who are all those people staring at me? Where are my underwear?" He was the cutest, fuzziest-face little thing I've ever seen (besides Ben Affleck).

Nathan saved the day when he drove home though. Su and I slept like babies with our life in his non-caffeine-assisted hands.

Trojan Horse

I also got to visit with Daniela, my dear sweet friend, fellow Scorpio and fellow cheese lover. She had a party at her house (for Heidi's birthday) and we ate cheese (lots of yummy, fancy, french cheese) and played Cranium. It was a great time. The girls kicked butt at Cranium. Though my humming wasn't the best, I did guess a couple of cloodle's pretty quick. Heidi's impression of "Trojan Horse" was quite effective. Let's just say, not only did she use the gesture of a condom to get us to guess correctly, she added the idea that the condom could actually fit on a horse. Su sculpted like a pro, fast and furious, and Daniela guessed the cloodle questions
correctly at the first stroke of the pen! Amazing.

I also loved Daniela's Mom's impression of Mick Jagger - without singing a word, she got the guys to guess correctly. It was all in the lips.

I'm tempted to try to get a job as a flight attendant just so I can fly out to California and visit my friends all the time. I miss them!

Shake it Baby

Oh yeah, one last thing, Jenny, Jo and I are taking a class called "Bellydancing for Fun and Fitness." When Jo asked me the title as she was filling out her registration, I said, "Bellydancing for Fun and Profit." Prophetic? Perhaps.