Friday, November 28, 2003

Bleh, full. Sis did Thanksgiving for the first time this year and her turkey was excellent! It's still very hard having a holiday without Mom, but last year my Aunt was 2 hours late and my Stepdad stormed out of the house, so at least this year, it was better.

She served pasta in addition to the traditional foods and had 4 pies for only 6 people. Is she Italian or what??!!

I got Mya to say "Ho Ho Ho", she's so damn cute and funny.

My Gram got on the phone with my brother (who's out in Vegas) and said, "Happy New Year!!", then cracked up at herself for 5 minutes... then, when I was asking her what kind of pie she wanted, I know she meant to say "cheesecake", but she actually said, "chicken", then we all cracked up again. She realizes she'll be hearing about that for a while.

Tuesday, November 25, 2003

Back from Hollywood, a place that is at times exciting and fun and at other times shallow and exclusionary. At least in Vegas, everyone at the nickel slots gets free drinks, even if you're broke and toothless.

But we stuck to the non-velvet-rope side of LA and with hubby, Jenny and Aaron able to be there too, I had a great time. Now we can all pine for In-N-Out Burger and Lola's Mac & Cheese together (except hubby, who doesn't get "the same way" about food as we do, though he did love the fries at In-N-Out).

My fave thing was driving the tiny winding canyon roads of the Hollywood Hills. It's like a puzzle... you just keep driving - clueless as to where you are or where you're going - until, after many turns, ascents and descents, you find yourself on a road you recognize, knowing exactly where you are. In some ways, much like life.

Tuesday, November 11, 2003

Feeling slightly better, as I get through the anniversary of the worst events of my life.

Been seeing movies, including "Love Actually", which I really enjoyed. It was a bit much with the cheating... and I didn't like the minimization of the fact that the kid's Mom had died (obviously), but overall it was very enjoyable. Not sure you can go wrong with Colin Firth and Hugh Grant. It IS true, those damn british accents are so appealing.

Also saw "Elf" tonight... very funny... I think Aaron and Will Ferrell went to the same school of face making.

and... drumroll please... Mya (my neice) took her first steps! Sis tells me that she walked, then clapped and screamed with joy... like she knows that everybody's just been WAITING for her to put on this "walking" show.

Monday, November 03, 2003

Today is Mom's birthday, she'd be 58. I keep dreaming that we "find" her and she's just been missing. Going in to this second year without her is turning out to be more difficult than the first. Apparently a common thing, not something I expected.

It's strange the way I've been feeling... it's like my mind has split in two and one half knows that I shouldn't think certain things or feel certain ways, but the other half just keeps thinking those thoughts and feeling those feelings. Like I have no control over my own psyche.

I'm afraid the reality is, I'm affected and I'm not sure I'm the same person I was. I'm not happy about it, Mom would hate to see me this way, but I can't seem to change it. I do know that if I didn't have such loving and understanding family and friends, I'd be done for.