We're having a t-shirt contest for our Diversity event at work.  Here are some t-shirts I like... but would be inappropriate for this or any work related event...

Favorite Beauty Product of the Moment

I bought a tin of this Bunny Balm in Pineapple Pin Up a while back because I thought the packaging was too cute. One day, while vaining over the frizz that was rapidly expanding the girth of my hair, I, in desparation, found only this lip gloss. So I rubbed it into my Rosanne Rosanna Danna 'do, and, miraculously, it smoothed my hair into "don't hate me because I'm beautiful".

I'm all about using beauty products inappropriately.

I fantasize about food more often than a teenage boy fantasizes about Britney. I plan vacations around food. Yet I try hard not to indulge freely and become the size of a small trunk-endowed circus animal. So you can imagine my delight when I found the Hungry-girl site! It is a site after my own heart and waistline.

From my visit with Mya this past weekend to celebrate her second birthday...

Her current vocabulary (Aunt Tina's note: Mya was born 10 weeks early so is slightly behind developmentally, but, by age 4, her genius will far exceed that of any mere mortals)
- cheese (both for the camera and the food)
- auggie (for my doggie, Grizzy)
- uckie (for my hubby, her Uncle Chuckie)
- wa da (asking, what's that?)
- ball (yep, you guessed it, ball)
- bah (bye said with some unknown accent, perhaps she's secretly watching Sean Connery movies when no one is looking)

Words we're pretty convinced she said but has not reliably replicated:
- hello
- stitch
- grandma

Other Observations

She has a very outtie belly button that Aunt Tina may have to fund the surgery to get fixed since Aunt Tina has major belly button issues. We're talking an outtie of Lenny Kravitz proportions here. AAAAaaaahhh, I can barely type/think about it.

She holds up a finger for #1, then tries to do 2 but can't figure out how to hold down fingers 3 & 4.

She's very into nodding yes or no and is adament about her decisions

She is using the Leap Frog grocery cart to scan her face and her belly (wonder where in the world she got THAT idea!?)

I'm not sure if I think this is funny or sad... but Vince Niel is getting an extreme makeover... here's the article:
------------------------------------------

"Rocker Vince Neil begins a three-month extreme makeover today for MTV's version of "The Swan." "I call him `The Mallard,' " said Lia Gerardini, Neil's girlfriend. At 43, the frontman of the legendary rock group Motley Crue is the first rock star to join the reality re-do craze.

The new Neil will be revealed August 28, after seeing a lot of a trainer, a plastic surgeon and a lifestyle counselor. Starting today, he consults with a plastic surgeon and cuts out drinking.

"It's not just for me, but for my career," said Neil, who is in negotiations to reunite in January with Motley Crue, if he and former drummer Tommy Lee can get past their feud.

MTV is billing the show as "The Remaking of Vince Neil." At stake for Neil is a recording contract and the opportunity to work with a top producer and a recording artist.

------------------------------------------

Poor Vince, swapped out groupies for big gulps once grunge governed and fame fleeted, didn't you? You live in Vegas, so I know the In-n-Out burgers got you too, Vince. You love the double doubles with cheese, you KNOW you do!! It's all right, we're all friends here. Your safe now. We understand. You can be Anna Nicole-esque without surgery. We believe in you!

I'm visiting Mya and Sherri today. I made Mya a cake and she dug in, she loves sugar, just like the rest of the family. She's napping right now, but earlier was loving the Leap Frog Shopping Cart we got her. It has a scanner, so the funny part is, even though it is meant to scan the grocery items, it will also scan other things... so just like in my dream a couple weeks back, I can hold it up to my mouth and scan (boop, boop, boop).

Mya turned 2 today!! My mother would just be beside herself with this beautiful child. Sherri calls her mini-mom because Mya's so silly, just like our Mom, always laughing.

From sad poetry to silly health facts...

Earwax = Good; Boogers = Bad

I used to write poetry alot. I'm no Jewel, but I thought maybe I'd start again - to express my sadness semi-constructively, as opposed to just spewing bad news. So here goes...

So close I can feel your breath on my shoulder,
but with clarity, the coldness envelops me.
I shudder, unable to protect my weak flesh.
My heart grows heavy, my mind fails me, my eyes blur.
I cannot see through the pain,
I am blind.

.

LA.com is having a contest where you can win a year of In-N-Out Burgers and Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf drinks! Unfortunately, you have to be a resident of California. So here's my plea... if you live in California, PLEASE enter, PLEASE win, then PLEASE take me for a double-double, naked (the burger, not you or me), with a chocolate shake... then later, we could grab a latte at CB&TL. Sounds like a plan to me.

In looking for toys for a work event, I found found these items to be amusing in a slightly perverse way... Are there any jobs out there that require the ability to take something completely innocent and turn it in to something lewd? I'd be very good at that job.


BENDABLE SPORTSMEN


PORCUPINE BALLS


STICKY SNAPPY BALLS

So I'm torn between keeping my blog lighthearted or posting what's really happening in my life. Because what's really happening in my life is mostly bad. I'm like "Debbie Downer" from Saturday Night Live.

Not sure if I should post about my "romantic" dreams about celebrities or the news that my brother's Hodgkin's Disease may have returned.

In an effort to keep myself from taking the bridge, I'll take the lighter route.

So I had a "romantic" dream about George Clooney the other night. Alas, it did not turn out as I'd hoped. It started off well... we were at the same movie theater, we made a connection, we looked into each other's eyes... we began to kiss... (still going well), then, suddenly, George's head got much bigger, just at the top, and his hair got very sparse and diseased looking... and the last thing I remember of the dream was thinking, "he's hideous... you don't have to keep going with this just because it's George Clooney..." then I woke up. What a rip off.

A few nights later, things got a little racier with... David Schwimmer... yes, I know, wtf? It's MY dream and I know I wouldn't choose to be fondled by David Shwimmer if I had any conscious control over it. But in actuality, the dream wasn't so bad, David had a way with his hands.

In the non-romantic-but-still-very-strange part of the dream, I was also scanning barcode items with my mouth - boop, boop, boop. Now that would be fun.

Better news today. My sis was released from the hospital this morning. I drove to Syracuse, picked her up and brought her home. Her hubby was much nicer to her today too. I don't think he realizes how condescending and accusatory his words and tone of voice can be. He needs to realize and adjust before he does too much damage to the relationship - and my Sis.

So I got to visit with her and Mya, who was still a happy little camper despite Mike making it seem otherwise.

I now feel the need to stay very close by until she's had the baby. She really doesn't have anyone to rely on other than me. Even if her husband wasn't a jerk, he still can't afford to take many days off from work since they live off just his income. My Sister and niece are so precious to me, even moreso now that Mom is gone, and I want to do whatever I can to help them through, as I know they would do for me.

So I got home from Syracuse, changed, and headed off to Jenny & Aaron's Post Wedding Party. It was alot of fun, great food, and FINALLY there was some serious cake-up-your-nose smooshing! Superb!

My sis, who is 7 months pregnant (and with her last pregnancy, was hospitalized for 2 months and had the baby 10 wks early), had to go to the hospital today. She had neck and chest pains this morning. She went in at 8am and they did test after test but couldn't figure out what was wrong. Finaly, 12 hours later, they determined that her muscles were deteriorating because her thyroid is low. She is doing better and should be going home tomorrow, but I'm still very worried.

Last time my sis was hospitalized, she was in Rochester and my Mom was alive, visiting her every day. Now she is in Syracuse, with no Mother to comfort her or keep her company, with a daughter at home being "cared for" by a complete and utter Asshole for a husband who instead of telling her "everything is fine", tells her that the baby is "being a bad girl", is "a spoiled brat" and yells at the baby and makes her cry while they're on the phone... i.e., making Sher worry even more about Mya. It breaks my heart. I don't think I've heard him say one nice, not snide thing to her in the 3 years I've known him. Assbite.

I just pray that my sister gets through this safely and then smartens up and leaves his stupid ass. She is a wonderful person, does EVERYTHING for him, and doesn't deserve the miserable bastard turning his misery on her. She deserves to be treated beautifully and be happy.

I am famous for not seeing anyone famous when I'm in celebrity-infested areas. So when I was out in Vegas and LA last week, I, of course, did NOT bump in to Ben gambling at the Palms or Brad grabbing a latte at Starbucks or (the one I truly hold out hope for), George Clooney buying hair dye at Ralphs Drugs... (mind wanders... "I can help you out with that George, I am quite experienced with at-home coloring"...)

So my brother, who just moved back to LA two days ago, tells me how he was shopping at Whole Foods today (I LOVE that store!!) when the girl in line ahead of him turns around and is... guess who... Drew Barrymore. She asked for help putting her groceries on the belt because she had gotten ahead of her cart. He said she was "perfectly sweet" and "looked fabulous". I'm sure tomorrow he'll be at Jiffy Lube and Leo DiCaprio will be there waiting for the oil change on his Toyota Prius to finish, and they'll chat about basketball.

A closer picture of the t-shirt Jenny made for me (of me) for the party. That's exaclty what my dress looked like! I don't think I was having such a good hair day though.

I did my bridesmaidly duty and helped Jenny taste cakes this week. It was torture ;-) I think we sampled cake from at least 6 bakeries around town. Jenny and I were cake monsters, eating cake for lunch, eating cake in the car, feeding her cake while driving, cake, cake, cake!

All in all, the Baker Street Bread Company, on Park Avenue had the best cake and the best attitude.

Let's all address the elephant in the room here... we may need to take turns playing bride every month so as to partake in the underground cake sample offerings available to those "getting married".

It's not really Tuesday. Well, it is, but really it's 1:30am and I'm WIDE awake. Good Internet... find me lots of info... Bad Internet... keep me up until all hours. Actually, it might be a chicken-egg thing. Do I stay up late because I'm on the internet? Or do I stay on the internet because I'm up late?

Things that keep my mind racing until 1:45am... Mom, Mom, Mom... did I miss a therapy appointment... that dream the other night about George Clooney (it was all going well until his head got big and ugly)... Christian Bale as Batman - "Holy Religously Named Hottie, Batman!"... the new toy idea Jenny and I had, that might just finally make us rich, and let me quit this job I despise... the ant infestation in my kitchen... middle school ant jokes... remember the one where the kids hear a ghost singing, "I see you're hiney, all white and shiney, if you don't hide it, I'll come and bite it" and it turns out to be an ant floating in the toilet bowl? Anyone? Beuller? Anyone?

With that, I must attempt sleep.

After much pain, including 3 calls to Time Warner and one call to India (Dell) at 2:30am, I finally got my internet working again. It was painful. I heard phrases I don't ever want to hear again, like "ipconfig" and "winsock".

Had a good weekend. Went to see the live stage show of Hedwig and the Angry Inch. It was great. I especially enjoyed seeing a larger-than-life drag queen run her (his) hands through hubby's hair. Seriously though, it was a top quality off-broadway show with amazing music and some impressive dance moves. I highly recommend it if it comes to your town. Proceeds help the University of Rochester Aids Vaccine research.

My glam rock name is "Diamond Freak". Get your glam rock name from the Hedwig site.

We also went to see the movie Dodgeball. It was hilarious -(aside from the HORRIFIC belly button scene, which nearly sent me into a coma). Jason Bateman was especially funny, though I'm not exactly sure why. If you go, be sure to sit through the credits for the extra scene at the VERY end, it's worth it.

Feeling zombielike... when I go to Vegas, I not only adjust to the time change, I over adjust and stay up until 5 am (read: 8am NY time!)... Those casinos MUST pipe in happy-perky-gas, pure oxygen perhaps? So Tuesday night I got a decent amount of Ambien-assisted sleep, but last night I opted to go au naturale, thinking I was soooo tired that I would be asleep before my head hit the pillow... I was wrong. I started to worry when I was still WIDE AWAKE at 12:30am. All in all, probably slept about an hour. I'm not sure how new parents stay vertical.

I'm back from Vegas (with an excursion to LA). I wish I had better things to say. It was a bit of fun mixed with alot of family drama. My brother and his wife are breaking up. Not a good scene.

Aside from that, I enjoyed... playing Blackjack at the Palms (much to my dismay, Ben Affleck did NOT come and sit next to me and offer me pointers)... eating Chicken Madeira at The Cheesecake Factory... having a Banana Berry Jamba Juice... eating In-N-Out Burger... laying by the pool in LA... hiking Runyon Canyon... listening to my brother's friend sing in the lounge at Mandalay Bay... and playing with Buddy (my Bro's doberman... pictures soon)

Made it to Vegas safely. Was super tired though, got 2 hours sleep Sunday night, then worked a full day (got dropped off at work at 7am), then hopped on a plane at 5pm, flew for 6 hours, landed in Vegas, then went out to Mandalay Bay for a few hours. Sometimes it's like I'm on crack. But I'm not.

Oh, and I posted pictures of Jenny's wedding on here blog!

Oh, BTW, blogging from my

Oh, BTW, blogging from my cell phone =)

On my way to Vegas

On my way to Vegas - sitting on the plane in Chicago. Have to admit, I'm a bit nervous over the elevated terror warnings

I do love Ohare's rotating

I do love Ohare's rotating plastic covers on their toilet seats! I'm also amused that Jlo got married the same day as Jenny!

Jenny and Aaron's wedding was absolutely beautiful. The solo by Aaron's sister Amy and the Violinist and Pianist really added such elegance and romance. But don't let that fool you, Aaron and Jenny were still using celery sticks to look like walruses later that day.


After the reception, hub and I headed to Syracuse to visit with my sis and Mya. Here are some new photos of the girlie, who turns two in a month! 

Today is my 13 year

Today is my 13 year wedding anniversary - Hub sent me a dozen roses. He's a keeper!

Ok, call me wierd, but I've always had a thing for red headed, freckly boys. Dates back to 5th grade. First Richie Cunningham, then Andy Gibb, now Rupert Grint. He's becoming somewhat adorable, in that pasty-red-head type of way. How old is he anyway?

(PS - though Hub is not a red head, he has plenty of cute freckles)

Hubby and I are at

Hubby and I are at the drive in -going to see Shrek 2. I'm blogging from my cell phone.

Jenny and I did the Corporate Challenge together today. (Joel ran too, but was much more serious and finished much sooner) 3.5 miles. Ran some, walked some. Got poured on. Thought the Corporate Challenge was going to turn in to the Corporate Wet T-shirt Contest... but then the sun broke and a full Rainbow appeared across the sky as we finished the second half.

We finished in 50 minutes. The things we'll do for free t-shirts and free food. And that free Kodak t-shirt is extra special. Jenny and Joel collaborated, Jenny designed it, I helped with the little tagline, and it won an award! Yay!

As for how I feel... I'm going to be sore. I'm going to have shin splints... and thigh splints... and ass splints. I'm going to be Adviled tomorrow. But my spirit and soul feel good.

Jenny got me this book, Pills for Cats, Finding Happiness Through Modern Pharmacology, as a thank you giftie for having her shower.

"Depressed? Sleepless? Anxious? With pills, you can be a brand-new kitty.

This is the tale of one very neurotic, anxious, depressed, unfocused, sleep-deprived cat who discovers the joys of medication."

It is the funniest book I've ever read.

Jenny's bridal shower went very well yesterday. I couldn't have done it without my Sis and hubby. They helped me whip the house into shape, decorate, and prep the food. Hubby was my Superman. Able to dip small, slippery strawberries into chocolate in a single bound. And my Sis, six months pregnant and all, was an unstoppable force (ok, more accurately, a neurotic, can't-relax-until-everything-is-clean, force).

I found a couple great recipes on allrecipes.com - Annie's Fruit Salsa and Cinnamon Chips and Double Tomato Bruschetta. According to the guests (and me, if I don't say so myself), they were VERY yummy!

It's 5:07am. I am officially a complete insomniac.

This is why I stay up all night... following links... Bombshell Boutique, The Pink Puppy, Style Bakery, Choco Choco House... so many cool link names... must follow them all... Funky Junkk... ooh, an extra k, they MUST be funky, must click... and so on, and so on...

Holy crap, I can't believe I'm still up!

Using BloggerBot to post the pic of Mya clowning around 

Trying out BloggerBot. Here's a pic of Me 'n Hub 

So let me try to describe the latest family drama, maybe you'll find it amusing... note that all these calls occured in within about a 30 minute span.

Backstory: within 2 months after Mom died, Stepdad procraimed his love for my Mom's former friend of 30 years, and proposed to "her". After much fuss from the family, they called off the engagement, though at some point last year, "her" started wearing the ring again. My sister suspects they secretly got married, but when she asked him a couple weeks ago, he said no.

CALL #1: Sis calls, tells me she got a letter from Grandma A. saying she heard Stepdad got married. Sis is pissed over this and the whole "her" situation.

CALL #2: I call Gram Q. to say hello and let it slip that Sis got a letter from Grandma A. saying she heard Stepdad got married. Just making conversation.

CALL #3: Gram Q. calls Aunt D. and tells her that I told her that Sis got a letter from Grandma A. saying she heard Stepdad got married.

CALL #4: Aunt D. "accidentally" calls Stepdad and "her", then asks them if they got married. They say no. Aunt D. tells them that I told Gram Q. that Sis got a letter from Grandma A. saying she heard Stepdad got married.

CALL #5: Aunt D. calls me to tell me she "accidentally" called Stepdad and "her" and asked if they got married, they said no. I get out of her that she spilled the whole story, blew us all in. I start to freak, then calm down (trying not to upset her, she's already unstable) and just tell her she shouldn't have said anything.

CALL #6: Stepdad calls Gram Q. and asks her, "what's this I heard that you think we got married?" To which my ever thinking Gram says, "I didn't say that"... and proceeds to protect my involvement as the second-level gossiper and tells him that Aunt D. "has a big mouth." Stepdad says he wouldn't get married without telling the family.

CALL #7: Gram Q. calls Aunt D., who must be on the phone, because Gram Q. gets her answering machine. Gram Q. leaves a message on Aunt D's phone telling her she "has a big mouth."

CALL #8: Gram Q. calls me all upset, worried that she started drama with the gossip because Aunt D. has a big mouth. Worried about me because I am going to have lunch with Stepdad and "her" tomorrow and upset that she made it uncomfortable for me. I calm her down and tell her not to worry, we were just making conversation. I'll be fine at lunch. We both agree, again, that Aunt D. most certainly does have a very big mouth.

CALL #9: I call Stepdad to fess up to the gossip, but tell him we didn't believe it anyway, we were just making conversation, and that Aunt D. has a big mouth. Stepdad says he wouldn't get married without telling the family. I say, "ok, see you at lunch today".

I at least prevented CALL #10 which could have been the call to Sis to tell her how after her first call, the gossip spread like wildfire and caused this drama. Whew!

Lunch will be so fun today.

So the last time I looked at the clock last night, it was 3:37am. I think my multivitamin kept me up. I got about 3 hours sleep. And right now, you'd think I'd be tired, but I'm all wound up. Family drama.

I stayed up and watched the last episode of Queer as Folk. My Showtime is on the fritz, so I missed it on Sunday. Blasted digital cable. Can't live with it, can't live without it (ok, I could if I had to, but only if it were an emergency).

There's more psychological benefits to TV than people are aware of. There's this little thing called DISTRACTION which is one of the most effective ways (I've found) of surviving the constant, painful memories that can haunt you if you're brain is not otherwise occupied.

And cable is cheaper than therapy.

NO REALLY, WHY AM I STILL AWAKE AT 2AM AND TAKING STUPID ONLINE QUIZZES????


You're an Etch-a-Sketch!! You're the creative,
artsy type who doesn't need to actually utilize
a single muscle group in order to have fun.
Doesn't matter though, you're still cool.

What childhood toy from the 80s are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

HELP ME! CAN'T PULL AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER...


Non curo. Si metrum non habet, non est poema.
"I don't care. If it doesn't rhyme, it isn't
a poem."
You are a type A personality. You like bright
things, you don't call in sick to work, and you
have devastating opinions about art.


Which Weird Latin Phrase Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Online shopping sprees are fun... Jenny, I DID order an NPR shirt that day! Does that mean people will think I'm smart? What about the people who aren't aware of NPR, will they think my shirt is promoting the National Piglet Roundup? Why am I still awake?

OK, in ordering my Chocolate Body Glosser, I picked up a few other items... Aquolina Pink Sugar Glossy Shower Gel (how can you go wrong smelling like sugar)? Too Faced Bunny Balm in Pineapple Pin Up (you can't get much cuter packaging!), and Philosophy Amazing Grace Perfumed Body Gloss (Amazing Grace smells so... well... Amazing... and in a convenient spray moisturizer...)

I know, I know... I'm going to be EXTRA GLOSSY. People will be forced to wear sunglasses to look at me. I will be able to kill ants just by pointing my leg at them... Don't worry, I won't use them all in the same day... most of the time =)

I also got a few free samples, including Versace Eau de Toilette, I hope it smells good. For some reason, alot of expensive colognes smell like bug spray to me. Chuck tried on a sample of Kenneth Cole Black today (as opposed to the Kiton he normally wears which I LOVE) and to me, it might as well have been Raid Black. Must be something along the lines of how cilantro tastes like soap to some people.

(... if you're going to buy something at Sephora, you can use coupon code SURF3 to get an additional "deluxe" sample)

As Jenny mentioned, we were in Ithaca yesterday. While in a little Kitsch store, I spotted foam clown noses. Backstory: Aaron hates clowns, I have belly button issues. Aaron often "pokes" fun about belly buttons (AAAHHH, even mentioning it is KILLING ME)... So I don't hesitate to harass him on the clown front....

So I covertly had Chuck buy 3 foam noses... armed Jenny, Chuck and myself... and as we got in the car, we all put on our noses... to our delight and to Aaron's disgust. We kept our noses on for most of the 2 hour ride home.

So here we are, 3 clowns and Aaron, riding in a green VW Bug through the countryside... Aaron spots a kid out raking in his yard, when suddenly, the rake breaks and the kid is left holding up an empty rake stick. So Aaron turned the car around*, we pulled up to the yard, looked at him with our clown noses, pointed and laughed... and drove away.

*OK, this part didn't actually happen... we didn't go back... Aaron started to, but we (me) chickened out. Aaron said we were all clown-talk and no action. We were pretty amused at the prospect of what could have been the funniest event in our lives... brainstorming things like yelling to the kid, "we got the call and came as fast as we could"... Protecting America, one site-gag at a time, as members of the Volunteer Clown Association of America... BAH HAH.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, food fragranced beauty products are really becoming popular. Sephora has a whole new line of yummy products. I just ordered the Chocolate Body Glosser.

I've used the Michael Kors Leg shine and love the look but not so much the fragrance. I think chocolate will be much better, since, let's face it, I'm the one who has to smell ME the most, so I'm picking something I like. I just hope I don't start craving Hershey bars!

The other yummy things they now have:
Coffee & Cream Morning Body Scrub
Triple Layer Cake Hair & Body Wash
Great Pumpkin Mask
Kiwi Ice Exfoliating Body Scrub
Watermelon Slush Exfoliating Body Wash

An excerpt from "Motherless Daughters", a book by Hope Edelman, sums up how I feel today and every day since October 6, 2002...

"Ask any woman whose mother has died ...
and she will tell you that her life is irrevocably altered;
that this one fact forever changes who she is and who she will be."

I miss you Mom.

So much hubub about obesity in America. Books, movies, Atkins, South Beach, Zone, Sweatin to the Oldies. I've read it all and I'll read it all again under a different headline. The thing is, I think alot of us know HOW to lose weight. We know that if we eat apples instead of oreos and tuna filet instead of Chicken Crispers®, we'll be slim & trim. But here's the harsh reality... EVERYTHING THAT IS BAD FOR YOU IS DELICIOUS. And though it may not be good for the body, it can be good for the soul.

On that note, if calories and health didn't matter, this is what I might have eaten today:
- A big bowl of Captain Crunch
- A Pellegrinos Buffalo Chicken Wing Sub
- A few or ten original Krispy Kremes
- A Venti Mocha Frappucino with whip
- A (ginormous) molasses cookie from Starbucks
- A Banana Caramel Crepe at Simply Crepes
- Two slices of pepperoni pizza from Pontillos in Pittsford
- and the modest dessert of a frozen Faux Ho

I'll add that THANK GOODNESS they don't actually SELL entire bags of the chewy, defective Whoppers... someday they might... I called Hershey and asked about them... told them they are yummy and they should sell them... Jenny would call me "unusual" for doing so. Takes one to know one.

Saw Guster on Saturday night. They are just the best live non-heavy-metal band ever (what can I say, I'm a reformed 80's headbanger).

After the concert, Hubby, Jenny and Aaron and I went to the RIT carnival, got a funnel cake, then went to Krispy Kreme and got donuts. Strange coincidence or does listenting to Guster lead to sugar binges? I think maybe.

On a separate note, I thought I found some really irreverent t-shirts at Bogus t-shirts ... but then I found T-Shirt Hell, which has some doozies. Most are unnecessarily sick... but my fave clean one says, "I'm what Willis was talkin' 'bout".

Free Samples --> P*nis Reading

Found a website with lots of links for free stuff... so I surfed a bit - gotta love samples and such... found a link for a free sample of Astroglide... was curious... clicked... lo and behold, the site has an entire "Astrofun" section with an especially nice little gem on "The Ancient Art of P*nis Reading". I kid you not.

The internet. Enabling proliferation of obscure information since 1994 (all information posted prior to 1994 was actually useful).

Oh, and screw the lo-carb thing, get a free sample of Smorz cereal and eat the whole thing while on your way in from the mailbox.

** I edited this blog because I think some crawlers or unseedy characters were finding me based on the words...

Rochester is all abuzz about the Fast Ferry. It's finally here (after a long trip from Australia). The ability to take a nice, leisurely trip to Toronto is within our grasp.

I think alot of people here get the impression that the Ferry is supposed to save time or money. To the contrary, it's a bit pricey and with drive time to the lake added on to sailing time, a longer trip overall. But you won't to concentrate on driving or get all nervous pulling up to the border guard and when they ask what you're going to Canada for, blurt out "BIRTHDAY!" as opposed to the rational response of "we are travelling to your great land to celebrate our friend Tina's birthday at the lovely Butterfly Conservatory in your wonderful country."

You can even eat, drink, shop, connect to the internet, watch tv or catch a movie on the Ferry. They may even have gambling. SIGN ME UP!

The flipside... we may be recieving large groups of drunk Canadians on our shore soon. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Hallelujah! Jamba Juice now has "Enlightented Smoothies - 1/3 less calories. All Jamba". Not to say that I care about the calories in a Jamba. They could contain 3000 calories and I'd still partake. But it's nice to know that if they ever open Jambas here and my addiction is allowed to be fully recognized, I could potentially keep from doubling my body weight by favoring the lo-cal versions.

Jenny will NOT like them because... guess what they contain... yep... Horrenda (Jenny's name for Splenda). She's like a bee that can sense fear. She can tell in seconds whether something contains horrenda.

Thank you to Paula K. for keeping me up to speed as I sit here in this God-Forsaken Jamba-Juice-Deficient land of NY.

AAAAAAHHHHHH, I take it back, there's a Jamba in NYC now!! Sadly, still an 8 hour drive away. DAMMIT!

Must travel. Must get Jamba. Life force is fading...

In the early 80's, in Vegas, I used to hang at "Sev" (7/11) and play arcade games. I liked Asteroids, Centipede and Frogger, but I kicked butt on Pac Man. I had a pattern - and it worked like a charm. In the mid 80's living back home in Rochester, starting to date Chuck who had a Nintendo, and spent more hours than I care to admit playing Tetris.

Now you can play Frogger online.

Food Fragrances are the New Black

Jenny and I love beauty products that smell like food. Some of my favorites include DuWop Buttercream Lotion, Jaqua Girls Marshmallow Cocoa Body Whip, Chocolate Head hair conditioner, Aqualina Pink Sugar fragrance, and the no-longer-available Skinmarket Brown Sugar Body Scrub (which smelled so yummy, it started a bad self-sniffing habit).

Now there are a few new ones I must try, including Jessica Simpson's new Dessert Beauty line, which has Whipped Body Cream With Candy Sprinkles. Mmmm.

And The Bakery, which has White Chocolate Mousse Bath BonBons.

And Fresh Body Market, Inc., which has Coco Banana Slush (body soap).

Now I just need Krispy Kreme to bottle that wall-o-glaze scent and I'll be set for life. Heck, I'd bet the glaze itself could double as product. I'd wash with it, moisturize with it, condition my hair with it, soften my cuticles with it, let it get hard and crumbly, then exfoliate with it... I think I'm on to something here...

Poor Monkey

BONUS - found this flash animation while searching for monkeys... ***HILARIOUS***

Cheeky Monkey

The other day at lunch with Jenny and April, I commented that cartoon monkeys are like Benicio Del Toro... sometimes very cute, other times, rather non-cute.

Good Looking Benicio:


Not so good looking Benicio:


Good looking Monkey (Lia Studio)


Not so good looking Monkey:

As you may know, I love Peeps. They were always the staple of my Easter Basket. Sis's special item was chocolate covered marshmallows (yuck, imho), Bro loved the straight-up chocolate and I was lavished with Peeps.

Last year, Jenny and I got Guster hooked up with the Peeps Fun Bus and this year Guster created a Peeps basket for a charity auction.

While looking up how they make Peeps (after Joel's curiosity was peaked when I told him that marshmallows are "extruded"), I found that you can buy a limited edition Peeps t-shirt with proceeds going to Easter Seals. Mine will arrive after Easter, but let's face it, anytime is a good time for Peeps.

Trend Alert

Apparently the hot new thing is to take a product geared toward children and add alcohol.

First came 'juice box' wine. Now there's vodka ice-cream. Time to jump on the bandwagon and market Jello-shot Jigglers.

Mascot Aerobics

While we're on the subject of costumed characters, Abby told me that she heard that the guy who dresses as the Moose mascot for the Rochester Amerks hockey team loses 7 lbs a game! Which, with my twisted thinking and ever-present quest to lose weight quickly (me and about 1 billion other women's)... this info sparked an idea...

Characterobics!... don't just wear a mascot costume... learn to BE a mascot. Lose weight while building your fallback career.

Brilliant! Richard Simmons - lookout!

However, after reading the "Troubleshooting" section of MascotNet - The Comprehensive Site for Mascots and Administrators - [section #5: Hugging/Touching Children: Don't let our hand stray to any part of a person that could be interpreted as unacceptable. Many mascots have lost their jobs due to "straying hands"] I'd say my theory (from yesterday) is not so far fetched. It's a costumed-character conspiracy, I tell ya!

The Characterobics class will teach proper conduct, utilizing advice from our own Rochester Moose who says, "When dealing with children, I have always practiced "the head and back" rule. When interacting with them, you mess up their hair, pat on the head, etc. For hugging it is on the back, above the belt."

When I was 15, I visited DisneyWorld. I met Pluto. Pluto touched my butt. I have been uncomfortable around large, costumed characters ever since. Everyone thinks I'm crazy, but it doesn't seem so crazy now that Tigger has been arrested!

I'm picturing this secret society of mascots and other various character-types... who's main goal is to see how much they can get away with in the name of I-can-barely-see-through-the-mouth of-this-giant-head-which is-why-my-paw-accidentally-grabbed-your ...