Mother's Day. A difficult holiday. Exciting to be a new Mom. Still heartbreaking to be reminded that my Mom isn't here to share in this joy with me. And to add to it, my Father passed away on Mother's Day 15 years ago.

I tried not to think of the situation with the parents and enjoyed being spoiled with heart shape pancakes, relief from baby duties, and a gorgeous "mother/daughter" necklace.

It was funny to hear hubby say to Lauren - as she began crying - "now what did we talk about? We said we'd be good for Mommy today." How cute is that?

Over the last week, I managed to break two toilets in our house. The little string thing that pulls up the plug broke. My husband used this tone that insinuated that even though I've been flushing toilets for over 30 years, all of a sudden I've become a maniacle flusher.

Happy Birthday Jenny! Think Pink.

Jenny sent me a link to a site called tinyeyes - it shows you what your baby sees at different ages and distances.

This simulates how Lauren might see me from 6 inches away (I am always in her face). I put in an age of 4 weeks old, which is neither her real age (13 weeks) or her adjusted age (2 weeks) so I'm not sure how accurate it is, I just know I'm a fuzzy blob to her. Which is fitting, because I feel like a fuzzy blob most of the time anyway.

I ordered some skin care stuff from philosophy last week and got free samples of the Shear Splendor hair stuff. It included this hair marinade. It's an oil you rub into your hair, let it sit as long as possible, then wash out. It smells yummy and definitely made my hair softer. I love it! Did I mention it smells yummy? Definitely better than my more common smell as of late - Eau de Bebe Puke.

Oh, I uploaded more pix from week 11 and 12. http://www.kodakgallery.com/tina

Q: what makes you smell funny, breaks your heart, but feeds your human spirit?

A: an adorable little baby who pukes all the time, cries for no apparent reason, then smiles at you.

Lauren finally totally passed her ear exam this week! She won't be able to say, "what Mom? I didn't hear you tell me I couldn't go to the Metallica concert with Billy."

She is going for an Upper GI test in 2 weeks to make sure everything is normal with the digestive track system.

Her Physical Therapist came today so she got her weekly baby massage. Because she was so tiny at birth, she qualified for the New York State Early Intervention program that offers rehabilitation services for free. It's a great program. Too bad it doesn't cover the Mommies too, because I, on the other hand, had to shell out $75 to get my neck and shoulders massaged, since they are killing me from looking down at her.

Our second baby shower was yesterday - the one Jenny threw for us. It was fabulous, especially the favors and the pulled pork, mmm. Jenny is so damn creative and generous. I am so lucky. Sarah and Lisa also made the most adorable jungle animal cupcakes... and they were delicious too - I hoarded a few to take home.

Jenny also made an awesome picture - Lauren's name spelled out in photos of letters (I will post a picture soon). It will be a family treasure.

We got lots of other great things too, now I just need a bigger house for all Little L's stuff!

Little L, though doing pretty good, is still going to the eye dr every week, still not passed the hearing test on her right ear, still having reflux and spitup issues, still having lung/breathing issues (she's a periodic breather or something like that), has thrush, and is not gaining enough weight (a problem I wish I had). She has to go for an Upper GI in a few weeks to rule out any malformations of the gastrointestinal gear. I'm not too worried because I think she is spitty from her medicine.

She like to stare at the tv, which scares me, because I know she is genetically predispositioned to want to watch hours of E! Entertainment Television.

Why doesn't the media point out how Tom & Katie lied about their pregnancy? I remember when they first announced it she was supposedly 2 months behind me. I KNEW her bump was too big, she was showing as much as I was... then, a week later, the timeline changed by a month... then, sure enough, at some point, she caught up and viola, had her baby within days of my original due date! I KNEW it! LIARS!

Ah, remember the old days, when Tom Cruise seemed normal and attractive. Now he seems like a horse-toothed lunatic and I have no desire to see any of his movies. RUN KATIE, RUN! Get Suri a semi-normal life!

It makes me wonder... if I had loads of money, tons of adoring fans, and was recognized in every corner of the world, would I turn in to a wacko? Would I star in a movie with Jake Gyllenhaal, divorce my husband and within weeks, marry Jake only to have it annulled 2 months later? Would I spend more money on handbags than most people in third world countries see in their lifetime? Would I lose 40 pounds and have to use my ultra-expensive handbag, filled with cash and water bottles, to keep me from blowing away in a strong wind - and yet still claim not to have an eating disorder? Would I assault someone with my cell-phone? Would I change Lauren's name to Jamba?

I'd like to think I wouldn't.

I am so addicted to reality shows. But the competition-based and how-to-improve-yourself-or-your-kids ones, not necessarily the watch-us-live-together and either hate-each-other-or-have-sex kind (not that those aren't fun to watch either).

American Idol, Top Chef, Next Food Network Star, American Inventor... all on my Faux-Tivo.

Nanny 911, Supernanny, Honey We're Killing the Kids (or, as it could be more accurately titled, How Not to Raise Fat Lazy Ugly Kids), Shalom in the Home, What Not to Wear, 10Years Younger... all helping me to be a better dressed parent.



PS, here are my picks for the competition shows:

American Idol - Chris (gotta go with the Rocker this time)

Top Chef - Lee Ann

Next Food Network Star - Guy

American Inventor - The Un-brella

Fuzzy Hair,
originally uploaded by tostina.

Posted more pix. Little L is 5 lbs 5oz now! Hard to believe she was a little 2 pound peanut. She has not passed the hearing test for her right ear but is otherwise doing very well.

She has little red dots that the doctor said are hemangiomas that should go away. Chuck calls them Chuck Mangiones. Bah!

I think Jenny already blogged about this, but I finally went in and played with this cool little app Kodak has where you can upload pictures and see them in the gallery commercial. I had worked on this a tiny bit before all the pregnancy craziness started.

I especially like the dramatic ending.

Another think I was working on - the Kodak Birdcam. It follows the Peregrine Falcons that roost in Kodak tower. They laid SIX eggs this year, that's amazing!

http://www.kodak.com/go/birdcam

Froggy Cupcake

Froggy Cupcake,
originally uploaded by tostina.

This three dollar cupcake went smoosh before I could get him home. I half suspect my hubby plotted his demise upon "bringing in the groceries" so, rather than having to save him for Grandma's birthday (you can't give an 85 year old woman a smooshed frog cupcake - she just won't understand), he was able to eat the disastercake himself.

Hello, my name is Tina and I am a SuDoku addict. I remember back in November at Sit & Knit, Lisa mentioned SuDoku and I had never tried it and didn't think I'd be interested. Then, while on bed rest at the hospital, I did one (or tried to do one) in the newspaper. It's like crystal meth - it only takes once to become addicted.

I now buy any SuDoKu book I can get my hands on, grab abandoned newspapers, and play on my cell phone. Yikes!

PS - Natalie, can you send me an email, I don't have your email address at home.

Son of a b, I missed applying for the World Series of Pop Culture by ONE DAY. I got all the sample questions right. As if I could jet off to NYC, but still, I really think I would have kicked butt in that.

I didn't get the nickname "TV Guide Tina" back in college for nothing.

PS - This Swaddle Me blanket is the bomb. Thank you again Catie! I can't believe how much better she sleeps when she's wrapped up tightly. I was told this was so, but now I know and I worship at the house of baby in a burrito!

If you're not babied-out, I just published more pictures from the past couple weeks.

.

Yes, it's true, the little one came home Tuesday - after over 7 weeks in NICU. Which considering she started with an APGAR score of 1, is amazing. She is on many meds, still has lung issues, weighs a mere 4lbs 9oz (which seems huge compared to the 2-2 she weighed at birth), but they feel she is stable and doing well.

Tuesday night was crazy, I think I slept in 10 minute increments. She's a grunter and a squeaker - and with each noise, I had to jump up and chekc her (in the bassinett beside our bed). Last night was a little better, I think I got a few hours, in one hour chunks.

I am convinced that I will never get a good night's sleep again. So much for sleeping until noon on Saturdays. Yes, I am a night owl and a sleeper and I have to be honest, I always dreaded the lack of sleep deal with babies.

Other thoughts and things :
- is this life really entrusted to MY care?
- every driver on the road is a reckless bastard
- what the hell do I put in a diaper bag besides diapers?
- how the hell do I dress this kid?
- what if I'm roasting/freezing her?
- how can one 4lb baby make so much laundry?
- what a little angel, I can't believe she's here
- I can't believe Peppermint Tina, Catie and Lindsay (blog friends) all sent such nice gifties (THANK YOU!!)
- did I eat today?
- is that normal for a baby?
- I wonder what Parkleigh looks like these days
- must... shop... soon... or will burst
- ooh, Oprah's on!
- ooh, American Inventor is on!
- ooh, Top Chef is on!
- finally Chicken Little got voted off American Idol!
- damn, I didn't realize the next season of America's Next Top Model had started!
- I miss Project Runway
- it will suck when I have to start watching Rolie Polie Olie and Blues Clues all the time - losing my tv shows might suck as much as losing sleep
(just being honest about my shallowness)

Holy crap, registering for baby stuff is ulcerating. It literally feels like you are making life or death decisions.

For example, while we were at Babies R Us registering (I LOVE scanning barcodes - boop, boop, boop), we registered for this Papasan cradle swing. It looks really cool, right? And it swings from side to side or right to left. Then, online, I read the reviews:

"Then I realized the swing started smoking, so I imediately took her out of the swing and threw it ousde when the dial part went up in flames!"

"I found her once with her head hanging over the side of the swing still belted in and a few days later my son saw her belted in with her head hanging off the front."

AAAGGHH! So I was going to let someone buy this death trap for my child!

I'm going to go cough up blood now, for I am sure I am going to choose a stroller that is prone to roll away on it's own, find the nearest bar and order Lauren a vodka on the rocks - to be put into a baby bottle that will certainly cause her to need braces later in life.

So with most of my time spent at the hospital, my tv watching has dropped off dramatically. No more FBI Files, no more Cash Cab. But I did catch up on Project Runway in time to catch the last few episodes. I thought for sure Santino would win (and was actually pulling for him by the end). I also got hooked on American Idol and have yet to break that habit. I think Mandisa and Chris will go all the way. And, I'm sorry, I don't find the dorky kid cute or likable. I hope he gets voted off. Maybe when he's 22 he'll actually be cute, but at 16, with that horrible haircut and tiny glasses, he DOES look like Chicken Little and I find him incredibly annoying. Rant over.

-----------
And as for Miss Lauren, she is progressing well and they are saying she may come home soon! She is still little, 3lbs 14oz, but gaining each day. I mean look at the size of that ginormous cheek! She is definitely on her way to being a very chubby baby.

Her little digestive track isn't working so great yet, so she grunts alot, sounding alot like the character Mo Collins used to play on Mad TV.

She smiles alot - even if it is gas, it's adorable.

Oh, and I put up more pix at http://www.kodakgallery.com/tina

Often, as I sit there holding my little girl, I think, "wow, I can't believe she's mine, she's like my little toy."

I can tickle her nose. I can move her mouth up and down and make her look like she's singing I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandy. And, I can dress her in whatever I want. And yes, I will be dressing her like fuzzy little animals until she can verbalize her distaste for hats with ears. I'm assuming around age 12.