I'll Have the Soup and a Dose of Reality

I think I worry myself and my friends with how easily I can go off and make up these delusional stories of interactions with celebrities. Some accuse me of stalking, but I don't really focus my attentions on any one celebrity, so it's definitely not stalking. (I use Ben as an example alot just for consistency). What does all this mean? What happened in my childhood to cause me to become obsessed with spotting celebrities? All questions for my therapist.

I do, however, feel compelled to do one future journal entry that has a bit more of a basis in reality, so here goes (still assuming that my brother has become a famous actor and Chuck and I have moved to LA to ride his coattails) :

July 22nd, 2004
At playgroup with the other parents again. I swear, Calista's little kid is such a bully - her nanny lets him get away with everything. Luckily, my kid is pretty tough for a 2 year old and doesn't take any shit. He's such a smarty, it's so funny to see him use reverse psychology on the other kids! Russell was actually at playgroup today, a pleasant surprise, he hadn't been there in weeks. He went on and on about how he and Meg share the responsibilities and how he wants to be an involved father. He even did the "gladiator fight" (AGAIN) for the older kids - they always ask for that. He wanted me to be his sparring partner this time but I chickened out, I still have problems with the "everyone is watching" situations.

Daniela’s Busted

Daniela wrote in her blog that she rented the movie An Affair of Love (Une Liaison d’Amour) and was "surprised" because she thought it was going to be mostly about sex. The thing she fails to point out is exactly that, she thought it was going to be mostly about sex. Ha!! Busted! =)

Mardi Gras

Saturday night Chuck and I went to Matt’s Mardi Gras party. It was fun. Jenny sums it up pretty well on her blog. I have to get that Samba De Amigo game – it was great excersise! It costs as much as a one year gym membership too, whew!

I got a good number of beads too, but no flashing, I did tell fortunes though. One girl’s fortune made it pretty clear that she’d be "taking care of her own business", if you know what I mean. I sounded like Dr. Ruth, "it’s a very normal thing"… hee hee.

Starring… Eddie A

Thursday I had to watch CSI again because my brother Eddie, the aspiring actor, got a part as an extra, playing a waiter. I painstakingly focussed on the TV… Was that his arm? Is that him in the brown vest? Ugh… a commercial… flick to Will & Grace… flick back… Oh My God, I think I missed 10 seconds worth – did I miss him? This went on for an hour and I didn’t see hide nor hair of Mr. Eddie Agoo (though he’ll always be Eddie Spaghetti to me). Turns out they showed the back of his head in the first 30 seconds of the show and I missed it completely. So the back of his head has now appeared in "America’s Most Wanted" and "CSI". I think Eddie is going to be the first professional "back of head" model. Directors and producers will see his work and go, "yeah, we want the back of that guys head, it’s perfect for our movie". Hey, as long as he gets bank, who cares? Seriously, I have all the faith in the world that my big brother will make it big and then guess what… yep, Tina gets to ride the coat tails and mingle daily with celebs.

In the distant future… an excerpt from my journal:

Wednesday, June 4th, 2003
Met Ben for coffee today, he had borrowed my digital camera and wanted to return it and buy me a latte. He showed me all the pictures of he and Matt and Gwyneth, said they missed me at the beach house. Ben’s so funny. I never thought I’d meet someone as wierd about food as me, but there he was, demanding that the Starbuck’s clerk pick all the nuts out of his Banana Nut muffin. I told him to just get the Lemon Poppyseed muffin but he wanted to give the girl a thrill. She would have been miffed at anyone else for the mere suggestion that she do something so demeaning, but for Ben she acted like he had asked her to marry him, she was so damn excited. I just sipped my latte and quietly ate my chocolate chip cookie.

Bellybutton Issues

At lunch today, somehow the topic of bellybuttons came up. The mere mention of a bellybutton (the word in general), makes me have to pee - it actually causes a physical reaction. Touching it is 10 times worse, I feel it directly, well, um... down there. Jenny was quite amused by this revelation and proceeded to mention the word "bellybutton" many times over, seemingly enjoying the horror she was evoking in me. She thought it was psychological, relating to me the story that her Mom told her - 'don't play with your bellybutton, it will put air in your stomach and make you sick'. Nope, the psychological implications of bellybutton issues is a whole other can of worms. Mine's just strictly physical.

I've met a couple other people who claim the same. So my questions now are: do some people have a direct link from their bellybutton to their urethra? How common is this phenomenon? Is it all psychosematic? Am I a freak? Time to do some research...

So now YOU probably have a question: How do I clean my bellybutton? Aaaarrrggghhh, the mere thought of it... must go pee... I'm afraid if I looked in my bellybutton I'd find a family of dust bunnies hanging out, enjoying some tea. That's all I can say on the subject, I have to run to the ladies room now.

QAF

Though I was still sick this weekend, I seemed to do a lot. Friday night was a bust, zonked out on the couch by 10:30, didn't make it to the Bug Jar for Tony's rave, bummer, heard it was great.

Saturday finally had Thai food at The King and I. Quite yummy. Will be going back. Took my little brother to lunch there, he turned 21 on Saturday. Seems like just yesterday I was keeping him from peeing on himself and plucking freckles off of his face. He was one of the cutest little kids ever - curly red hair, freckles, a sweet innocence about him. Now he has an evil clown tattooed on his back (he's a huge ICP fan), tattoos on his arms, a pierced tongue and pierced nipples - how's that for a change! The weirdest part about it though is that he dresses normal and works as a salesman at a carpet store. I guess he's a closet freak, either that or he's already grown out of it. He didn't go out Friday night because he said he had to work at 10am. I said, "you're only 21 - you should be out until 9am, go home, shower, and stumble into work at 10am!" I'm such a good influence, aren't I?

So Saturday night I popped in a tape my Mom let me borrow - it had four episodes of a new series on Showtime called "Queer as Folk". My sister and my Mom had been raving about how great it was, but I didn't have Showtime and wasn't about to fork over more money to the cable company. My cable bill is already more expensive than a car payment!. It's like Sex in the City only with gay and lesbians. I was up until 3:30am watching one after another - I couldn't get enough. Sunday night I gave in and signed up for Showtime so I could watch Queer as Folk. I actually got a good deal, 8 more channels for $6. I should just quit my job and watch TV all day. Of course then I couldn’t afford my cable bill. Oh well.

Sadness

This post is really from April, 2001, after finding out that Noel's Dad had died, but I just couldn't bring myself to put all of this out there, so I'm hiding it back here, on Dad's birthday.

I could relate to Noel on one level, losing a Dad so young (my Dad was 46), but on another level, things were very, very different. I lost my Dad very slowly and while I had time to accept the fact he was going to leave us, my last memories are of him suffering, changing, leaving. My Dad died almost 10 years ago, on Mother's Day in 1991... three weeks before my wedding. Sometimes I can barely stand to think about it, it sounds like such a painful set of circumstances, yet somehow I got through my wedding without shedding a tear. I know how I did it... two things... my Dad had lived in Las Vegas up until a month before he died, so I went into a pretty strong subconscious denial that he was actually gone... I kind of believed he was just still in Vegas. I also told myself over and over that Dad wouldn't want me to be sad on my wedding day, he wouldn't want me to cry, he'd want me to be happy. So I made it through. My brother Eddie was a wreck, he had lived with Dad in Vegas for many years. He couldn't do the "still in Vegas" denial. I don't think anyone realized how deeply he was hurting. I regret not realizing Eddie's pain. I regret having my Stepdad walk me down the aisle. I regret not making more mention of my Dad (though I knew I couldn't or I would have lost it). I regret that we didn't get to dance to "Daddy's Little Girl". I have regrets, but I also have alot of joy and happy memories.

Looking back I am amazed at the strength I found in myself when my Dad was sick. We found out in January that he had lung cancer and I kept insisting that he come back to NY for treatment. He procrastinated, mainly because he was sicker than he let on and he didn't have the energy to travel. Finally, in April, he said he would come home, but when he went to the doctor the next day, they admitted him to the hospital. When I found out, I immediately bought a ticket to Vegas, spent four days with him in the hospital, got his doctors to clear him for travel, then bought him a ticket to come home with me, and we came back to NY together. My Grandma took care of him for about a week, then he went into the hospital for 3 weeks before he passed away. I remember going to work, then going to aerobics (to get in shape for my wedding), then going to the hospital... almost evry day. One day, I got off the elevator and heard this terrible moaning. It sounded like Dad, so I rushed to his room. It was him, moaning away, and just as I was about to get very upset at his suffering, he stopped, looked up and said, "why am I moaning so much?". Turned out the morphine was making him moan, not any pain. I laugh about it now.

I remember that the day of his memorial service, the weather was unbelievably beautiful. It seemed like a sign that everything was all right, he was happy and no longer suffering. Ten years later it's still hard to accept, it still hurts, it's easier in some ways yet more difficult in others. My Dad was a unique individual and I hope I never forget the qualities that made him special.

I’m Baaacckkk

[Updated 2.16]

Back from Utah today, had a great time, doh I fink I caught a code, ab feeling a bit sick even doh I got the immunity boost in my Jamba Juice yesterday. Between dat and my tongue injury, I’b talking bery funny.

Day 1
Traveling. Sleeping on the plane, mouth wide open, drooling. Read a copy of Glamour magazine, which I can now verify is a sex magazine disguised as a fashion magazine. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Evening 1
Dinner with Jenny, Tony, Tim and Mike at Zona Rosa, yummy food. Cruising around in the blazer. Blazer’s have a display that shows you the temperature outside. We watched it go lower and lower as we drove higher and higher (down to ZERO). Tim says, "I don’t see why, I HAVE the heat on." Must be the altitude.

Day 2
Snowboarding at Snowbird with Jenny, Tony, Tim and Mike. But first we get JAMBA JUICE (JJ) (smoothies). I get a Jamba Powerboost and it turns out to be a little chunk of heaven. Great, yet another food item to be addicted to! The problem is, can’t get them in or anywhere NEAR Rochester. I now have 2 choices: hop on a plane or open my own franchise. I’m seriously considering the latter.

Aaaah, I fall off the lift EVERY time!! Add in a couple more falls on the hill. Lots of falling leaf. Hill is a bit icy. Jenny’s legs hurt, mine don’t (yet). I wonder about myself, "Am I doing it wrong?" Jenny wonders about herself (direct quote), "Am I a Fatty McButterpants?" I almost mow down a little kid while getting off the lift. Mark one on my scorecard. Jenny hurts her ankle, we decide that 3 hours is enough for us, head back. Hot tub calls my name. Day 1 of Advil dependency.

Evening 2
Dinner with Jenny, Tony, Tim, Mike, Joel, and Lara at US Prime Steak house. Mmmm, Filet Mignon. As much as I don’t like the concept of eating animals, I certainly LOVE the taste. Lara tells funny yet disgusting medical stories. I love funny and I love disgusting, they go great together, like peanut butter and chocolate. Pop more Advil.

Day 3
Advil for breakfast. Great conversation with Lara over breakfast while others are at the conference, I’m glad she’s here. More JJ and an Einstein Brothers Bagel, mmmmm, tastebuds dance. Snowboarding at Park City with Jenny, Joel and Lara. Park City’s lift is wonderful, very flat, no falling today, only "controlled stops". Oh yeah, the thighs start burning today. I say, "I guess I’m doing it right today." Jenny says, "I guess I’m not a Fatty McButterpants." Jenny is carving now, looking damn good on that board! Jenny and I discuss our motives for snowboarding and admit that we just want to be cool and say, in a slightly snooty tone, "oh yeah, we’re SNOWBOARDERS".

After riding, we stop at JJ for "lunch". Jenny and I attempt to justify the 6000 calories in each smoothie by splitting a Kiwi-berry Burner, which they describe as "boosted to promote healthy weight", however, they don’t say if that means to help you GAIN or LOSE weight. We assume that they must mean lose, of course. No matter that it has 10000 calories. More Advil please.

Evening 3
Early dinner with Jenny, Tony, Joel and Lara at Meditteraneo, basically a very swanky Pizza place. Yummy though. Jenny and I share food, as we’ve been doing often, and earn the nickname "Jenina" from Lara and Joel. While Jenny, Joel and Tony go back for the evening session of the conference, Lara and I do some shopping. Lara feeds her Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory Caramel Apple habit. Jenny’s ankle is turning funny colors, but she swears it feels ok. Can you say, "Advil?"

Day 4
I’m so thrilled to hear Jenny say those magic words, "let’s take today off." Woo hoo! I mean, I’m loving the snowboarding but my thighs can only take so much (book comment). Einstein brothers and JJ for breakfast again - still heaven. Shop, shop, shop. I drop some cash at Mountain Body buying bath products, Jenny spends twice as much. I begin to wonder if Jenny has a B.O.fobia, but I know she doesn’t, yummy smelling stuff just warms her heart.

Stop in to a shop called Queen of Arts. Meet "Tea Girl". She looks like Su but she’s very strange and doesn’t appear to have bathed in some time. She makes us "special tea". Jenny and I are giddy the rest of the day, we’re convinced Tea Girl drugged us.

Tony hurt his knee today, that sucks royal. No more snowboarding on this trip, though I don’t think he’s too bothered because at this point he’s more interested in Cheese (our nickname for his new friend Brie – very nice, very beautiful, very interested-in-him friend) than snowboarding. How about some Advil with that cheese?

Evening 4
Go to the conference dinner with Tony and Jenny - cheesecake for dessert but Tony won’t eat any, too early in the year. For some reason I find it highly amusing to watch Tony eat cheesecake, perhaps because it’s the only time he has his mouth closed for more than 5 seconds. Tony wanders off to get some Cheese. Jenny and I can’t help but joke. We call her various types of cheese, but decide that she’s way too classy to be called Velveeta, then Jenny says, "yep, she’s no Easy Cheese" – we almost throw up from laughing so hard. Jenny draws "the finger" on a napkin so we can flip Tony off. After a failed attempt to use her own hand as a model (I point out that it will be backward), I have to model. I feel bad flipping Jenny off, but it’s all in the name of art.

As we’re sitting there laughing to the point of tears, a guy pops in a video of The Burning Man festival. More naked people than Woodstock! I don’t know if it’s just me, but I don’t find flailing penises the least bit attractive. All I can think is, "strap that thing down." As for the naked women, I think, "when they’re down to your knees, you’ll regret all that naked dancing you did when they were perky." We all have an Advil nightcap.

Day 5
See Day 3 only today we go to The Canyons. We get to ride the Gondola, the view is spectacular. The Canyons are so poorly marked, Jenny and I almost end up taking the lift to the Snowboarding Park – you know, the kind with a picnic table you ride over. Serious injury would have ensued. A guy with a Krispy Kreme box directs us away just in the nick of time, unknowingly saving our lives. Then we end up having to slide down this little hill on our snowboards to get to the "actual" lift. Luckily it was fun and prevented us from getting pissed that the place was so poorly marked.

Guess who I see in the ski shop up on the hill? Tea Girl!! How freaky is that. She barely remembers me but tells me that she quit her job at Queen of Arts. Jenny and I assume that we inspired her to do what makes her happy.

Finally up on the hill snowboarding. Getting off the lift is hell again, many falls. Legs are sore again. I yell over to Jenny, "My legs are going to be as strong as…" (quick wit kicks into action) "something with really strong legs." Damn that altitude. We laugh very hard. A ski instructor begs us to take two of his kids on the lift with us. They turn out to be 7 year old smartass punks – Tims in Training. I resist the urge to give them a smackdown, but manage to make them fall while getting off the lift. Oops. Mark two more on my scorecard. I actually do some turns, there are some real flat areas that make it easier. I’m getting much better but I really need another lesson. Pain from falling while getting off the lift causes me to feel that I’ve gotten my fill of snowboarding for this trip. Advil, it’s like candy I tell ya.


Evening 5
Dinner with Jenny, Joel and Lara at the Irish Camel, a mexican food place, of course! Ice cream at Cow, Chocolate Chocolate Chip, just yummy! With ice cream breath we head to Tony's presentation on Corporate America. It is educational yet very funny. Tony should be in show business, not in web design. Not to say he's a sucky designer, he's a great designer, he's just so witty that the whole world should be able to enjoy it. Top off the evening with a beer with Mike and Tim, they've been scarce this trip and I'm sure it's because I'm so annoying. Find out how Mike came to live in Alaska - very interesting. I always wish I'd just up and travelled. Ah, regrets. Luckily few and far between for me.

Day 6
Again I celebrate as Jenny decides we've had enough snowboarding. She and Tony and I hang together, grab food, then head out to Robert Redford's Sundance farms. We're sure Rob will be there. On the way we pass a field with a fuzzy little donkey hanging out. Jenny and I christen him "Lill Ass" and set the stage for the scenario that Tony is his long lost father. Jenny does a great imitation... picture this... a slight British accent... "Father? Is that you Father? I knew you'd come for me one day." Jenny and I are rolling! Now all we have to do to bug Tony is say, "Father?" Works like a charm. Jenny refuses to believe that Sundance Farms could be so small, so we drive for a while, then go back. We buy soap - sure that it was handmade by Rob himself. We pet the horses. Tony sleeps in the truck then later laments at not getting to pet the horses. We hit Cow again, as yummy as before. We drop Tony off then Jenny and I do some serious shopping at the Outlet shops. Banana Republic outlet brings us great joy and bargains. We celebrate with Advil.

Evening 6
Last evening, we go for Italian - just me, Jenny and Tony. Again, Tim and Mike opt to be antisocial. Jenny and Tony grab dessert at Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory. I shop up to the last minute. My bonus find is a huge pair of purple women's underwear with the words "Experts Only" and two black double diamonds printed on the butt - on sale for 95 cents! They all but have Tony's name spelled out on them. I give them to him, we all crack up.

Day 7
Time to go home. Jenny, Tony and I head to JJ and Einstein Bros. one last time. We almost cry when saying bye to Jamba Juice, it's a very sad thing. I get an immunity boost in my Banana Berry Jamba because I'm starting to feel stuffy. Everything is delayed, we get home way late. It's cold and crappy in Rochester, looks like I'll need some Advil to cheer me up.

Bad Blogger

I've been bad, haven't blogged in quite a while. That's because last time I was blogging I had a very witty little ditty typed up when, BAM, gone. I can only be that witty when Saturn is aligned with Jupiter's 5th moon.

What's been going on in my life? Not much.

- Hubby is shrinking, lost 22 pounds and is becoming overly concerned with his fashion choices. Hmmm, what should I think about that?

- I was eating healthy, lost a couple pounds, then, BAM!! Off the wagon. All it took was half a krispy kreme, that led to pizza, smarties, coca cola, and the ultimate sin, chicken wings. We had a Pancake brunch at work today where I ate about 8 pancakes. When my friend Mike came to have lunch with me, I lamented how full I was and couldn't eat a thing because I just ate 95 pancakes. We get to the Empire, I get chicken wings so I don't feel wierd not ordering anything, I think, "I'll just eat a couple and save the rest to bring home." Well, I gobbled down those 12 chicken wings like it was the last supper. I underestimated the power of my... stomach, tastebuds, psychological addiction to food...

- I am going to Utah tomorrow to hang with the clan that I work with (Jenny, Joel and Lara, Tony, Tim, and Mike). Will be snowbarding. Got a really cool pair of red snowboarding pants. I will be easy to spot on the slopes. I hope I don't break anything or do any permanent damage. I hope I get time to shop. I hope I get trapped on the ski lift with Russell Crowe (a girl can dream, can't she?).

So I'll be off blogger for another week, then I just hope I have a Blogger to come back to!!

Cheers!

Clean as a Whistle

Get ready for it, the "First Major Toilet Paper Innovation in over 100 Years". Yes, debuting this week, "Cottonelle Fresh™ Rollwipes — America's first and only dispersible, pre-moistened wipe on a roll."



I don't know what shocks me more, the fact that toilet paper NEEDS to change or the fact that it hasn't changed AT ALL in so many years. I think that until now, toilet paper has been the antithesis of the personal computer. All that's over now. First pre-moistened, what'll be next, exfoliating? "For a youthful looking...", err, I won't even go there.

Bunny Hugger Blunder

As many of you may know, my friend Jenny loves bunnies. She had a beloved pet bunny (R.I.P. Bunny) whom she misses very much and she collects all things bunny related. She is a true bunny hugger. I am also a great lover of animals. I sob when I see roadkill, imagining the suffering and pain endured. Emergency Vets sets me off like a faucet. My doggie and kittie (Grizz and Punky) get big kisses when I get home. I have deer whistles on my car for their sake more than mine. I used to volunteer as an educator at the zoo. I love those sweet little fuzzy faces and don't want to bring them any harm. That is, unless I'm hungry, then the story changes slightly.

Anyway, last week I lost my gloves and, being that it's still DAMN COLD here, had to dig out another pair. The only thing I found was a pair of rabbit-fur-lined mittens my Mom had gotten me a couple years ago for Christmas. I didn't want to offend my Mom, but I was horrified, so I kept them but never wore them. Until now. I really didn't have much of a choice and, as much as I hate to admit it, they are toasty warm. Well Jenny got a glimpse of them today and the look on her face was crushing. She said, "heeeyyyy" and, after grabbing at them, "those feel familiar."

I'm sorry Jenny, but don't feel bad, they just shaved the little guys and then sent them on their way. Glued the fur into the gloves. Yep, I read it on the tag, yeah, that's how they make 'em.

I'm on My Way

Jenny added to my list of diets and listed the Intestinal Flu Diet. I found out today that hubby has four (count 'em - FOUR!!) coworkers who contracted some kind of stomach bug and had 2 days of, well, lets just say, expulsion of bodily fluids from various orifices.

My first thought, "did they lose weight???" My second thought, "Honey, can you inhale deeply near a couple of them, then come home for a make out session?" I'll be thin and fabulous in a mere 2 days.

Pleasure and Pain

I went snowboarding yesterday. First time this year, went twice last year. Got instruction from Tony, he's a great teacher, very patient. Got encouragement from Andy, he waited and waited, and didn't complain even the tiniest bit.

It went like this: ooooh, fun... fun, fun, fun... OW! fun, fun, fun... intense fear of getting off the lift... OW, OW, OW ** stars and birdies **... concusion? Don't think so. Back up, Fun, fun... heel side is easy, getting the hang of this... fun, fun, fun. What? Toe side? Do I have to Tony? Ok... OH MY GOD, I'M GOING TOO FAAASSSTTT... OW OW! Try a turn, WOW, I DID IT, can't turn back though, AAAHH, boom - OW, OW, OW. Back to heel side, slow and easy... Fun, fun, fun!

Today, it's like this: OW, OW, OW... pain everywhere... neck, shoulder blade, wrist, calves, shoulders, legs, OW, OW, OW. Feel like I got hit by a bus. Hmmm, perhaps I am feelin the burn... losing weight? Wonder when I can go again!

Diets for the New Millenium

Jenny and I were talking at lunch yesterday and, in our own warped way, realized that there is some uncharted territory in the realm of fad diets. Here are a few we thought could be the next hot new thing.
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The Mt. Everest Diet

Climb Mount Everest and subsist on freeze-dried food and water. Lose ALL your body fat and then lose some of your muscle tissue too. Heck, while you're at it, you might even lose some bone density - every pound counts. If you survive, you will be thin and fabulous!

Inspired by the book "Into Thin Air" (Jenny)
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The For-My-Art Diet

Become an actor and star in a movie where you have to drop a bunch of weight in a short period of time to portray a person stranded on a desert island for 4 years. You will be praised for your conviction to your art and for dropping weight faster than Calista Flockhart after a cheeto-fest. You'll be thin and fabulous as you go up to collect your Oscar.

Inspired by Tom Hanks.
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The Braces Diet

Have an orthodontist turn you into metal mouth and within hours all those yummy fattening treats will be too painful to eat. You'll survive on soup and mini-pancakes for weeks. When you walk your size 2 into a room, your smile will light the way. You'll be thin and fabulous.

Inspired by Jo - she looks great!
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Movie-a-Minute

The Movie-a-Minute site is hilarious. It summarizes movies into one or two sentences. I noticed they didn't have one for The Perfect Storm, so I wrote one. WARNING: If you haven't see the movie, you might not want to read this!!

George Clooney:
I cannot be outfished by an attractive woman. I will brave danger to prove my manhood.

Marky Mark:
I must go fishing this one last time before I give it up to be with my loving wife.

(Score the mother load of fish, gigantic wave, everyone dies)

Has Hell Frozen Over?

Can you believe that I actually craved a veggie burger today? Shocking! I actually thought that Hell had frozen over and I was craving healthy food, but alas, it wasn't meant to be...



I had a veggie burger at the Empire a couple weeks back. I was in one of those I-really-should-eat-something-healthy kind of moods - which I'm not in too often, especially when out at a restaurant that serves bacon cheeseburgers. But that day (it must've been right after the new year), I was in this rare mood and the veggie burger came with cheese on it, so I took the plunge and ordered it. First bite seemed to taste pretty good but I got nervous when I could actually SEE vegetable matter - good sized chunks of carrots and some green stuff. I thought, "if this burger is THAT close to being real pieces of vegetable as opposed to a vegetable slurry, I won't like it." But like a trooper, I continued on, one bite at a time. Mmmmmmmmm. Ignored the visible vegetable chunks, savored the cheese and tomato sauce and loved every minute of it. This veggie burger turned out to be a little slice of heaven. I rejoiced! I have been saved, I finally liked something that was healthy.

So today I had to have another one. However, after enjoying my pseudo healthy meal, I had a realization... I think the Empire's veggie burger is deep fried in lard. Yep, it's the only logical explanation for why I not only liked it, but subsequently CRAVED it. It's boiled in oil, then topped with cheese. It all makes perfect sense now.

Sniff my Arm Please

If you've read my blog before, you'll remember that I raved about Skinmarket, which, I'll repeat, is not related to porn in any way (except for the fact that the sensuous smells of their wonderful products can supposedly lead to episodes of porn).



Well today I used my Brown Sugar Body scrub and I smell better than homemade cinnamon rolls. I almost got caught sniffing my arm in the hallway. That would've been a little difficult to explain! I made Jo and Abby sniff my arm. They agreed that I smell yummy. I tried to get Tim to sniff my arm, he took a pass. It's been 8 hours since my shower and I can still smell my yummy self, which is quite amazing since most people can't smell themselves at all after about 15 minutes (hence people who drench themselves in enough perfume and cologne to choke a horse yet walk around like they smell like the spring air). The description of the product says the following:

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
These amazing scrubs have to be smelled to be believed; the
ultra-sensual fragrances of green tea, orange vanilla, and
citrus have been known to drive men wild. Brown sugar
exfoliates, leaving skin unbelievably smooth, while nut oils
soak your skin with moisture. A full-body brown sugar
rub-down will leave you absolutely glowing.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm not quite driving any men wild (not even close), but I certainly am intoxicating myself with the luscious smell of myself. I'm sorry if that sounds like I'm bragging, but you really have to try this stuff to believe it! Either that or sniff my arm.

Blogger is Back!

Well, I can finally post to Blogger again. I hope my $10 helped. Only now I have a book to write about what's been happening over the past month. Happy Hew Year everyone.

Food Sinner

Since I last blogged, my hubby has turned in to a food nazi. He is a Virgo and, of course, can't do anything half way. He made a firm decision to eat better and lose weight and the boy has the will power of a supermodel now. He is recording and measuring everything, in true Virgo style.

You ever been around someone very religious and you feel a bit uncomfortable because you just know your not as "good" as you should be. After all, you know that they wouldn't even break the speed limit and you peeled out of the parking lot of the liquor store last night and drove home like a maniac to get home in time to see Sex in the City. Well that's how I feel around hubby. I feel like a food sinner.

Me: "Honey, I'm starving, let's stop and grab a pizza."
Hubby: "No, I have to get home so I can eat a piece of chicken the size of a deck of cards, 10 miniature carrots, one cup of corn without butter, and a gallon of water."

Well, I say get me a dozen Krispy Kremes and send me on my way to Hell.

Sea Lions, Dolphins, and Whales, Oh My!

I just got back from a business trip to San Jose, but took an extra few days to visit with my very good friends who moved out there. As I got off the plane at 10:30pm (1:30am NY time), Su says, "Tina, you're going to hate me. You're going to love me but you're going to hate me." I love the way Su expresses herself! She continues, "we're going Whale watching!". I am THRILLED, ESTATIC! Dolphins and whales are a passion for me. "But we have to leave at 7:30am." Ugh. But really, not a problem for me at all. If I can pop out of bed at 4am to go to Krispy Kreme, I can certainly pop up at 7am for playful marine mammals.

It was well worth it. Almost immediately we saw a school of 600 Common Dolphins - with a few Sea Lions mixed in. The froliced and swam next to the boat, entertained us and posed for some great pictures. (This isn't my picture, but mine will look alot like this:)



Then we saw some Gray whales, but I have to be honest, they weren't all that exciting. You'd see them for about a minute - their backs and then a quick tail fluke, then they'd dive for about 10 minutes.

But just when we thought the excitement was over, we spotted a Sea Otter. He had fallen asleep and floated out pretty far. I think we woke him up, he looked pretty groggy and his expression seemed to say, "What the... Where am I? Who are all those people staring at me? Where are my underwear?" He was the cutest, fuzziest-face little thing I've ever seen (besides Ben Affleck).



Nathan saved the day when he drove home though. Su and I slept like babies with our life in his non-caffeine-assisted hands.

Trojan Horse

I also got to visit with Daniela, my dear sweet friend, fellow Scorpio and fellow cheese lover. She had a party at her house (for Heidi's birthday) and we ate cheese (lots of yummy, fancy, french cheese) and played Cranium. It was a great time. The girls kicked butt at Cranium. Though my humming wasn't the best, I did guess a couple of cloodle's pretty quick. Heidi's impression of "Trojan Horse" was quite effective. Let's just say, not only did she use the gesture of a condom to get us to guess correctly, she added the idea that the condom could actually fit on a horse. Su sculpted like a pro, fast and furious, and Daniela guessed the cloodle questions
correctly at the first stroke of the pen! Amazing.

I also loved Daniela's Mom's impression of Mick Jagger - without singing a word, she got the guys to guess correctly. It was all in the lips.

I'm tempted to try to get a job as a flight attendant just so I can fly out to California and visit my friends all the time. I miss them!

Shake it Baby

Oh yeah, one last thing, Jenny, Jo and I are taking a class called "Bellydancing for Fun and Fitness." When Jo asked me the title as she was filling out her registration, I said, "Bellydancing for Fun and Profit." Prophetic? Perhaps.

Froggy

Oh yeah, forgot to tell you about my voice. Saturday morning it went bye bye. I sounded worse than a young boy going through puberty. It was a bit freaky to lose my voice - made me realize that I truly am a chatty cathy. Of course it didn't stop me from talking, it only made it more painful for others to listen.

My voice is almost back to normal, now I just sound like Janis Joplin after chainsmoking for 20 years.

Hello, my name is Tina and I'm a Cosmetics Addict

Christmas came and went, without much ado. Calm, quiet, generous, and filling (oh yeah, and fulfilling too). I gave some great gifts and got some great gifts. I'm spoiled.

Hubby got me stuff from Skinmarket. I know, it sounds like a porn store. It's not. It's a store I found out west that has the yummiest of beauty goodies. Hair masques, shampoo, conditioner, lotions, body sprays, skin care, makeup, nail polish... all that smell good enough to eat! As I opened my gifts, the feeling of joy I felt when walking into this store for the first time came flooding back like an overflowing tub filled with mango-rasberry scented bath salts. Hubby wins the 'even-though-I'm-a-virgo-and-believe-in-practical-gifts-I-will-indulge- my-wifey-with-even-more-beauty-products-anyway' award!! I love that man.

I don't necessarily wear alot of makeup, but I certainly OWN alot. I love it! I love the way all those eyeshadows look inside that little drawer. All the pretty colors. So what if I actually only use one or two - I feel good just knowing I have them. Same goes for hair products. I have stuff to straighten my hair, stuff to curl my hair, stuff to tame the frizz, stuff to make it smell nice, stuff to make it shiny, stuff to make it thick, stuff to make it stay. Sometimes I use both the curl enhancer and the straightener just to see what happens. My hair looks different every day so I can't pinpoint what works well and what doesn't, so I just buy more to see if something new will work best.

There must be a name for this disorder. My brother would say, "yeah, it's called a shopoholic". Maybe.

Decorating Tips

In the spirit of the holidays, found this lovely little link to the new online MAD magazine. Click on the link for Christmas lights you may have missed.

Gluttony

Friday was my last hurrah (my most current last hurrah anyway) in the pigging-out department. I started out with a gigantic cappuccino (yum!), then got in to work and indulged in Lazypalooza (a junk food fest). I proceeded to eat everything imaginable: potato chips, cocktail weenies, tortilla chips with cheese, easy cheese and crackers, cheetos, pepperoni, cheesecake and last, but certainly not least, a krispy kreme for dessert. And after all that, I'll have to be honest and say that I was miffed no one brought in double stuff oreos.

My shame over eating so much led me to do a little surfing and I found this lovely little ditty, "those who commit the Sin of Gluttony are punished in Hell by being forced to eat rats, toads, and snakes". All I can say is, "Can I get some Dinosaur BBQ sauce and a side of fries with that?" as I wipe the sweat from my brow.

The Road to Recovery

Today I am recuperating from a weekend of dancing my a** off. For a 32-year-old, I can still groove like I'm 22, but I suffer more the next day. Friday night Tony dj'd at the Bug Jar and Abby and I danced for 3 hours straight. Then we turned around and did the same thing on Saturday night. I don't know how it is that I can dance for 3 hours straight with barely a bathroom break but at work I can't even climb one flight of stairs without sounding like the little asthmatic kid on "Malcolm in the Middle".

But the last hurrah (providing a good dose of junk-food-craving satiation) and all the dancing (hopefully equating to many burned calories) has finally, **I think**, gotten me on the track to eating better. I said 5 Hail Marys and started drinking lots of water again. I just hope nobody brings in Krispy Kremes this week because that little angel on my shoulder will knock someone down to get to a k.k. donut.

Catch Up

Is it a coincidence that I haven't blogged since my day at Krispy Kreme or an indication that I've been too busy eating donuts to blog? You figure it out.

Actually, the week flew by because "I wad bery sick ad was sleeping most of the tibe." I drank more tea last week than I've drank the whole previous rest of my life. I don't like tea, but it started to grow on me. Maybe I'll become a foo-foo tea drinker now, who knows (apologies to all you foo-foo tea drinkers).

When I finally felt better, I went to Abby's party. I couldn't drink (I was driving), so I did the next best thing - played games. I've realized that I get really wierd when I play games. I get aggressive, bossy and loud - very un-tina-like. I don't feel an urgency to win, I'm not too bad about that, but I feel this compelling need to have everyone follow the rules EXACTLY. Again, very un-tina-like as I'm usually pretty laid back with a do-whatever-makes-you-happy-as-long-as-no-one-gets-hurt attitude. But apparently not when it comes to games, then I become militant - "NO, it's YOUR turn and it's an ALL PLAY and you MUST get it RIGHT before you can MOVE, pay attention dammit!" I don't really like the game playing me, but I love to play games, so I guess I'll just have to work through that psychosis.

I also spent a total of 11 hours this weekend making cookies. Five at Sarah's house learning a secret family recipe for some of the yummiest cookies I've ever had. Six at home making sugar cookies and peanut butter blossoms for Cookiepalooza - a cookie fest/contest we had at work today. It turned out to be a pretty big waste of my time because Jenny, who I've renamed Martha Jr., blew the competition away with just about the cutest bunny and snowmen cookies you've ever seen. And to add salt to the wound, they tasted yummy too. I wanted to bite all their heads off. Just kidding, that would also be very un-tina-like.

Growing Girl

Well, as you can see from above, we had Cookiepalooza today. I ate many cookies. I'm growing - and not in a good way. Tomorrow I'm eating better, I swear. Just because there is a whole box of Krispy Kremes downstairs and two plates of cookies and tomorrow we're taking Sarah to lunch for her birthday, I swear I'll drink lots of water and eat light. I think I can, I think I can...

Yummy Yummy in my Tummy

Yep, got up at 4am to get in line for the grand opening of Krispy Kremes in Henrietta, NY (that's my excuse for the really bad hair too). I'll be honest, I didn't really do it for the donuts (heavenly though they are). I did it for the hype, the experience, the bonding, but most of all - for the free t-shirt. Jenny, Aaron, Joel, Tony and I got up while the rest of the world slept (except for the other loonies who went to Krispy Kreme) and took our place in line, making history.

To understand the significance of this accomplishment on my part, you must understand that I am much more likely to be going to sleep at 4am than getting up. You got it, I'm a night owl - and if left undisturbed, I can easily sleep 12-15 hours a shot - so it wasn't easy popping up way before the crack of dawn (would it be the feet of dawn or the neck of dawn then?). Anyway, it was a feat.

But it was all worth it, I now have a t-shirt that says "The Hot Light is on in Henrietta, NY". So is it just me, or does that sound perverted to you?

I also got a button that says "Hot Doughnuts Now" with a little red flashing light in the "o" of Hot. Yep, gonna wear that out to the clubs, that should garner me some interesting pickup lines. If I'm actually brave enough to do it, I'll be sure to blog the results.

Afflecktion Update

I know I haven't blogged in a while about Ben, but he has not yet escaped my realm, hard as he may try. I just haven't had time to tell you all about our crazy adventures. I did manage to see "Bounce" this weekend and catch Ben on "The Actors Studio", so the fantasy fodder has grown. After the love scene between him and Gwenyth was flashed before my face, never to leave my mind's eye, I can readily picture me and Ben rolling around. Still PG rated, but the insinuation is there. Woo Hoo. When I have more time, perhaps I will give you the details of what led up the rolling around - in a haystack, yeah, it was in a haystack....

The Afflecktion Continues

NOTE: If you haven't read the first Afflection installment, you really should read that first.

And all apologies to Chuck, my dear, sweet, loving husband, but this Afflecktion thing can't be helped and Dr. Ruth and Cosmopolitan says fantasizing is good for a marriage. I'm sure you've had many not-so-PG-rated thoughts yourself about Mariah Carey and Toni Braxton and Faith Hill and so on, and so on…

OK, that said, the fantasies continue:

{Scene: Me and Ben, out to see Shark Reef at Mandalay Bay, Friday evening}

Me: "Did you know that sharks never run out of teeth, they always have another set ready to go if one should be lost or pulled out by an overzealous scuba diver anxious to make a necklace?" [Ben chuckles.] "Sorry, can't help but spew useless facts about animals - I had 5 years of conditioning at the zoo."

Ben: "What do you like to do now that you don't spend all your free time at the zoo?"

Me: "Well, I have a great group of friends that I hang out with and my girlfriend Abby and I love to go dancing. Abby would love to meet you, she's a huge fan – she thinks you're a hottie. We should call her! Oooh, she totally won't believe it's you, she'll think it's Tony - the guy you met earlier - being a wise ass."

[We call Abby and Ben and Abby talk for a while... I'll let Abby fill in details for the phone call in her own mind ;) ]

Ben: "So, you like to go dancing? Me too. Have you been to Baby's at the Hard Rock?"

Me: "Oh yeah, we went last night! My posse took me out for my birthday, now that I'm finally old enough to drink." [Big wink to Ben, he realizes I am older than 21 but somehow understands that he shouldn't ask how old.] "We did some serious booty shaking. We headed over to Ra after that, at about 2, but they weren't letting people in – I think because you were in there."

Ben: "Oh yeah, I did some booty shakin of my own."

[I zone out for a minute, picturing Ben's booty shaking in my mind. His words pull me back to reality.]

Ben: "So it was you're birthday? Well you really should let me take you out dancing for your birthday."

Me: "I would love that, but I'm supposed to fly home tonight."

Ben: "Fly home? On a Friday night? Leave Vegas on a Friday night? Before the weekend? You'd have to be insane to do that!"

Me: "Yeah I know, I regretted the decision immediately after my ticket was cast in stone. I guess I just didn't want to have to leave my cat for too long. "

Ben: "You're such a bunny-hugger. I like that in a girl." [Ben winks back at me – I damn near melt.] "Now let's call the airline, get your ticket changed, I'll get you a room at the Hard Rock for tonight and tomorrow, we'll hang out tomorrow – you can take me to Krispy Kreme – and then I'll take you dancing tomorrow night and see just how good you can shake that booty, OK?"

Me: [Enthralled by the take charge attitude] "Well, how's a girl to refuse that offer? It's a damn good thing I'm not married! I'll just have to let my Mom know that I'll be home a few days later."

{Scene: Me and Ben, out dancing, Saturday evening}

Ben: "Wow, this DC4800 you got for me is the bomb. I can't believe you hooked me up. Let's have someone take our picture – but you'll have to come to my room and show me how to download the pictures onto my laptop."

Me: "Sure, no problem, I'll give you some lessons later…" [heart races even faster]



to be continued? Perhaps…