Bleh, full. Sis did Thanksgiving for the first time this year and her turkey was excellent! It's still very hard having a holiday without Mom, but last year my Aunt was 2 hours late and my Stepdad stormed out of the house, so at least this year, it was better.

She served pasta in addition to the traditional foods and had 4 pies for only 6 people. Is she Italian or what??!!

I got Mya to say "Ho Ho Ho", she's so damn cute and funny.

My Gram got on the phone with my brother (who's out in Vegas) and said, "Happy New Year!!", then cracked up at herself for 5 minutes... then, when I was asking her what kind of pie she wanted, I know she meant to say "cheesecake", but she actually said, "chicken", then we all cracked up again. She realizes she'll be hearing about that for a while.

Back from Hollywood, a place that is at times exciting and fun and at other times shallow and exclusionary. At least in Vegas, everyone at the nickel slots gets free drinks, even if you're broke and toothless.

But we stuck to the non-velvet-rope side of LA and with hubby, Jenny and Aaron able to be there too, I had a great time. Now we can all pine for In-N-Out Burger and Lola's Mac & Cheese together (except hubby, who doesn't get "the same way" about food as we do, though he did love the fries at In-N-Out).

My fave thing was driving the tiny winding canyon roads of the Hollywood Hills. It's like a puzzle... you just keep driving - clueless as to where you are or where you're going - until, after many turns, ascents and descents, you find yourself on a road you recognize, knowing exactly where you are. In some ways, much like life.

Feeling slightly better, as I get through the anniversary of the worst events of my life.

Been seeing movies, including "Love Actually", which I really enjoyed. It was a bit much with the cheating... and I didn't like the minimization of the fact that the kid's Mom had died (obviously), but overall it was very enjoyable. Not sure you can go wrong with Colin Firth and Hugh Grant. It IS true, those damn british accents are so appealing.

Also saw "Elf" tonight... very funny... I think Aaron and Will Ferrell went to the same school of face making.

and... drumroll please... Mya (my neice) took her first steps! Sis tells me that she walked, then clapped and screamed with joy... like she knows that everybody's just been WAITING for her to put on this "walking" show.

Today is Mom's birthday, she'd be 58. I keep dreaming that we "find" her and she's just been missing. Going in to this second year without her is turning out to be more difficult than the first. Apparently a common thing, not something I expected.

It's strange the way I've been feeling... it's like my mind has split in two and one half knows that I shouldn't think certain things or feel certain ways, but the other half just keeps thinking those thoughts and feeling those feelings. Like I have no control over my own psyche.

I'm afraid the reality is, I'm affected and I'm not sure I'm the same person I was. I'm not happy about it, Mom would hate to see me this way, but I can't seem to change it. I do know that if I didn't have such loving and understanding family and friends, I'd be done for.

FINALLY, Kodak is in the camera phone game - Kmobile is here! http://www.kmobile.com

It's Ofoto but for your phone pics. Last week (just using old fashioned Ofoto upload), I printed a few 4x6 prints of pics I took with my camera phone. All were a bit too pixelated for my taste, but the one I took of my sis and Mya, in bright, bright sunlight, that I printed wallet size, came out pretty damn good.

Here's link to my first album:
View Photos

Sorry no blogs of late, I just don't have the energy. I'm drained from all the terrible thoughts in my mind and I cannot turn them off. I didn't expect the anniversary to have such a profound effect on me, I didn't think things could get worse. I was wrong.

I used to wonder how anyone could commit suicide (no, I'm not suicidal, I'm just making a point)... I used to think... just move away, change your life, it can always get better. Silly, naive me. Now I know, no matter where you go, you can't escape your thoughts.

Was in LA last week... mix a fragile emotional state with the opportunity to eat food-you-can't-get-at-home and top it all off with the fact that it's on the company tab, and you, my friend, have a climate ripe for complete gluttony.

A sampling of what I ate:
Banana Berry @ Jamba Juice
Double Double w/fries @ In-n-Out burger
homebaked mac & cheese (twice) @ Lola's
Gnocchi @ Ago

all worth every calorie...

When Mom went in to the hospital, she was VERY scared and thought she was going to die. We told her not to talk crazy. I wish I'd let her talk about it. I wish I'd said...

What kind of flowers do you want on your grave?

What should we do on your birthday?

If you can see me from heaven, try to let me know.

I know you don't want me to be sad, but I love you more than anything in this world and I will think of you and miss you every day for the rest of my life.

I have not fallen off the face of the earth. I am mostly coping with the fact that last year, my Mom was struggling for life in the hospital (rapidly approaching the dreaded 1 year anniversary of her death)...

I was right, Colin Firth did look stunning. I'm bumming that I did not see him... or bump in to Dylan McDermot in a dark alley.


Colin Firth
and today is Colin's birthday! A Virgo!


Dylan McDermot

Back from the first weekend of the Toronto Film Festival. It was a Giovanni Ribisi weekend, as he was in both movies we saw.

The first movie was "I Love Your Work" by Adam Goldberg. The first half was great - funny, different... the second half got confusing, dark, and drawn out. Much of the cast was sitting in the same row at the theater and, as we exited, we passed them. Giovanni was filming with a little camcorder... if I had any balls, I would have run up in front of it and and yelled "I HATE YOUR WORK"... half to be funny and half to release the tension and anxiety that had built up in me throughout the last half of the movie. However, in all fairness, the acting was really great, it was just the story finale that bit... so technically that would be Adam Goldberg's work I hate, not Giovanni's.

The second movie, "Lost in Translation", also had Giovanni in it, but the main stars were Bill Murray and Scarlet Johanssen. It was set in Tokyo and I enjoyed it alot, even though it shed a bit of bad light on marriage. It was especially cool for providing a taste of Japanese culture.

So... on to celeb spottings... saw a few at the "I Love Your Work" movie... saw a few in the lobby of the Four Seasons, where we go to have tea and crumpets... seriously, the crumpets are to die for! I coincidentally sat in the same spot Dan Akroyd had been sitting in just hours before, when I had noticed him noticing Jenny.

Jenny created a montage pic for me of the celebs we saw. They are, from left to right, top to bottom...



Adam Goldberg (actor/director/funny guy who made a bad movie)

Giovanni Ribisi (very good actor/may know him as Phoebe's brother on Friends/might have me on videotape outside the theater)

Franka Potente (actress/was in Run Lola Run and The Bourne Identity)

Christina Ricci (actress of fluctuating weight/best know as the sister in The Addams Family movie)

Dan Akroyd (if you don't know who he is, crawl back in to your cave/looking much younger and slimmer than expected)

Nicole Kidman (same deal as Dan as far as the cave/very brief glimpse/per Jenny - stunning in person)

Toni Colette (mom in The Sixth Sense and About a Boy/no makeup/not stunning in person)

Nick Stahl (noticed him on the escalator but didn't recognize him as an actor until Jenny pointed out that was just in Terminator 3)

Sadly, we did not see Colin Firth... who, I'd imagine, is also stunning in person. There's always next weekend...

Back to the grind today... with an attempt to get back on the wagon after a weekend of gluttony (which culmonated with s'mores washed down with coke)

italian sausage (the real deal, not turkey sausage)
tootsie rolls
creme filled caramels
tortilla chips
zweigle hot dogs
roast beef
potatoes with gravy

... what is this list, you ask? This is some of food that my Mother-in-Law has for us while we're visiting the 1000 Islands... AFTER Chuck told her we were trying to eat healthy! I hate to think what we'd be eating if we hadn't said anything.

The thing is, I'm all for falling off the wagon for the weekend, but I want to do it on my own terms... eat the food I deem worth the calories... such as a Pellegrinos Buffalo Chicken Sub or a box of frozen Faux Hos or Pontillos pizza washed down with a Venti Mocha Frapuccino or KFC (and so on)... Now that I put it that way, her offerings do seem relatively healthy!

Here's my damn luck. My in-laws finally get their boat in the water up here (1000 Islands) and what happens? The tempurature plummets and it's practically ready to SNOW! The 90 degree weekends are gone, replaced by a very chilly 60 - not my idea of boating weather.

On top of that, I am itchy and bitchy. Curs-ed ragweed!

Watched the Mtv Video Music Awards last night - as I have for the last 20 years. So contrived, but I'm a sucker for these things. I love to see the fashion -or lack of it. Seriously, Missy Elliot's stylist should be tarred and feathered - what the hell was that not-so Ghetto Fabulous Golf outfit she was wearing????

Mo Rocca was just on tv talking about Johnny Cash not winning more VMAs. He said, "alot of the kids don't know who Johhny Cash is. They think it's slang for hooker money."

BAH HAH HAH.

Oh, and incase you missed it, Madonna kissed Britney and Christina. Shocker [said with dripping sarcasm].

Currently, I am finding Mo Rocca to be hilarious... He's on a new show on CourtTV called The Smoking Gun, a satire of law and forensics. And, of course, I love The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, where he got his start. I tried to win the couch, alas, to no avail. I don't win things in contests.

I don't think I explained my last post thoroughly. The second pic shows the model without her hair styled, thus the reason it doesn't look good. To see her with it styled, go to the Loreal Professional site.

I thought it sounded good because, though I can use products (yes, I use Pantene Pro-V), a blowdryer, and a flatiron to get my hair straight and smooth... this would make that process go ALOT faster... and let me sleep longer, and probably protect me from turning back into a frizzhead at the slightest sign of rain or humidity.

But I'm not suggesting to take these things lightly (if you're obsessed with hair like me)... you should do research, hear real first-hand accounts, find an experienced stylist before deciding to do them. After all, this is OUR HAIR, it's with us all day, every day. It's not the same as deciding to try the new Mod fashion trend, deciding you look silly, and returning the white go-go boots a week later.

X-tenso to the Rescue

In my ever present quest to have straighter, less frizzy hair, I found the latest and greatest hair technology, X-tenso. It is a "long lasting smoothing process" that "allows you to style hair more easily and quickly, reduce volume and relax the curls, have a healthier, more supple texture, increase shine and have long lasting smoothness."

Dull, frizzy hair? Have no fear, X-tenso is here!

Timesaver - yes! Suppleness - yes! Smoothness - yes! Shine - jackpot! Sign me up!

... alas, they don't do it in the US yet as far as I can tell... but with Toronto nearby, I may yet save my hair's soul.

Before and After-but-before-styling...



To see the final, straight, smooth hair, go to the Loreal Professional site

Flash Mobs

So apparently, these mobs are all the rage. A bunch of poeple get an e-mail and are asked to go to a specific place, at a specific time, and they get instructions on what to do. Sounds pretty interesting, right? Now here's the not-so-appealing part... the "mob" has to do something silly, such as pretend to worship the giant Dinosaur in the Times Square Toys 'R Us. Then dispurse.

I'm not sure if it's a true global social phenomenon or just a bunch of techie geeks trying to be cool (not that there's anything wrong with that). Either way, there's no way in hell am I going to stand in a mall and act like a robot. I can look like a big enough dweeb all on my own, thanks.

Check out Cheesebikini for more in depth info.

Guster sent a newsletter that said, among other things...

"Those of you with well-endowed cable packages should watch for some upcoming appearances on MTV2... we're taping our first-ever guest VJ segment for them this weekend -- to air, sometime... "

Hmmm, I will never think of my cable quite the same way again.