Rant

I'm pissy today, which doesn't happen too often. I'm one of those chronically-sunshiny-happy-everythings-coming-up-roses type people on the outside (though not always on the inside), hopefully not to the point of annoying, but just to the point where people can rely on me to be the one smiling. Today I feel like the dont-come-near-me-or-i'll-rip-your-face-off type people. So I need to rant. Here are things that
tick me off:

- when someone stops the microwave before it finishes and doesn't hit clear - so it's continually flashing in *pause* mode
- when someone tailgates me even though I'm already speeding
- when the bank in the building I work in (that I frequent monthly) gets robbed
- when the lot I park in has more and more vagrants showing up bugging people for money (if one approaches me today, they might endure the wrath of a women gone mad!)
- when I realize just how UNDERPAID I am compared to the MEN in my group who do the same damn thing (but are much more annoying to work with than me)
- when I realize that I didn't follow my dream of working with dolphins (not that it's too late, but that's another issue)
- when it's almost April and it's still &*%$%@@ frozen outside
- when my clothes are too tight and I feel like a cow
- when my husband is almost skinnier than me and has no problem passing up a Krispy Kreme
- when I realize the emphasis on and promotion of unattainable beauty standards in this country, then feel like an even bigger cow
- when I realize I feel like a cow even though alot of women would probably love to have my shape (though I'm sure they'd pass on the dimples - and I'm not talkin ones on my face!)
- when I realize that I will never be rich enough to buy whatever I want or go wherever I want, whenever I want (ie, hop on a plane to visit friends or hop on a plane to be with my brother as he endures back surgery or hop on a plane to Australia to try to find the set of Survivor, etc.)
- when I find myself being really shallow and wining about wanting to be rich, especially knowing alot of people would probably love to have the income I do (like the vagrants waiting for me in the parking lot)
- when my house is a mess and I can't blame anyone but myself
- when I'm craving italian bread toasted and I ate it all yesterday

OK, I'm sure I can think of more, but that's enough for now. I have to head out to my car and hope I don't get mugged in the parking lot, then go spend money I feel guilty about spending, then try to clean up my messy house.

I hope tomorrow is better!

Ramblings

I REALLY have to start keeping up, my weekly rants must be painfully boring. Quick and dirty:

- final bellydancing class last week, new one starts tomorrow night, we recruited Abby - woohoo! Our instructor asked if we'd want to perform as a group - YIKES!

- went and saw Dolphins at the Planetarium. Haven't been to the Planetarium since I was 8, not even for the midnight laser light rock show - shame on me. Then hung at The Spot with Chuck, Matt, Jenny and Aaron. I am still amazed that BOTH Aaron AND Jenny have almost killed an elderly person by standing on the tube to their oxygen tank. It's destiny I tell you! They're meant to be together.

- went to Jenny's Oscar party and proceeded to eat like I'd been stranded on a desert island for days, I tell you, days. It was all so damn yummy! I told Jenny she should go into business making "Jenny Crack Corn". My brother ALMOST got me into the Instyle Oscar Party through a connected friend of his in LA, alas, not to be. In actuality, I was quite relieved, I would have felt like the poor but chubby little match girl next to all the hollywood hotshots. Though with J-Lo walking around all nipples, I don't think anyone else got any notice anyway. Oooh, I also won at Jenny's party for most winners-that-I-don't-necessarily-think-will-win-but-I-want-them-to-win that actually won. I got 52 Terrific and Forgotten Movies, I've only seen the cheesy ones so far. Jenny wrapped it with a bow made out of a negative film strip - her creativity is astounding, I'm in awe.

- dreamt that my teeth were falling out at work and that I almost passed out in the bathroom after looking at my teeth. Not sure what that means but it doesn't sound good. I also dreamt that my Stepmom had shampoo and conditioner dispensers in her shower that must have been big enough to hold 3 gallons each. Not sure where that one came from, odd...

Other than all that, I'm FREEZING and if it doesn't warm up soon, I'm going to curl up and die.

Bahama Breeze

While in Orlando, I went to a pretty awesome restaurant called Bahama Breeze. It was like a cross between Empire Brewery, Jamba Juice, and a fancy T.G.I.F. Caribbean food (obviously). They had a huge deck, great drinks (I had an a href="http://www.bahamabreeze.com/drinks.html "> Ultimate Pina Colada ... yummiest drink I ever had!), great food, and a great atmosphere. When they told us they were opening one in Rochester, I nearly fell off my chair. Why would someone open a tropical themed restaurant who's appeal is a big outdoor deck in Rochester where it's frozen more than half the year? Then again, Rochester is a pretty big restaurant town and Krispy Kreme certainly showed that Rochestarians will drop some serious dough for doughnuts. So it's logical that the market can support it. So I thought... if it's really true, it MUST be getting built in Henrietta. Sure enough, as Chuck and I turned from Hylan on to Jefferson, there it was. A mostly built building that had the distinct shape like the one in Orlando and a large deck. Woo hoo!! Now if only someone will have faith that Rochester could support at least a couple Jamba Juices...

So back to B.B.... the best part about it, I can tell you, will be the drinks. They have a drink called a Bahamarita that looks like a gigantic slushie. I wanted to try one, but didn't want to be a lushie =) I WILL be there for the grand opening and WILL be sampling a Bahamarita or two. Anyone care to join me?

Other Stuff

Adjusting from 80 degree weather to a damn blizzard, other than that, not much going on. Finished reading Bridget Jones Diary. Pictured Renee Zellweger throughout, as she'll be Bridget in the movie. I think she'll be perfect for the part. Am going to try to model blog writing style after it. Short but sweet, except when necessary.

Dinner with the family yesterday. Eleven loud Italians (well, 9 loud Italians and 2 married-in white boys), delicious food. Actually enjoyed family's company. Shocking! Ate like a pig. Note: found new extremely fattening food to crave: Italian Nachos at Macaroni Grill. YUM.

Vacation Wrapup

Blog catch up (I really have to stop letting so much time go by). Finished vacation. Discovery Cove was pretty cool, though with some disappointments. The first clue was that just as we got to the front of the line to 'sign in' and get passes made, their computers went down. (The happy part is that I got to pet the cutest little Two-toed Sloth you ever did see.) We waited over a half hour... as I nearly burst into tears at the thought of my dream being delayed. Finally got in, not much time before I had to report for my "Dolphin Interaction". They have three dolphin lagoons, each with between four and six dolphins. We separated into 'pods' of about 8 people each and went into one of the lagoons (they alternate lagoons to give the dolphins a break... nice). Each pod had two trainers, a photographer, and a dolphin assigned to us. I'll be honest, at some level I expected this to be a life changing experience... I thought.. when I get in there, those dolphins will just KNOW I've been waiting my whole life for this and will shower me with attention and love. Alas, proof I am delusional ensued.

Our assigned dolphin was named Goofy (second clue), she was a 37 year old Sea World retiree. As we got into the chilly water and lined up, Goofy disappeared. I looked at the other pods and they were all petting and playing with their dolphin, laughing and having the time of their lives. Goofy was still MIA. Held back tears. Goofy finally came back. All the actual interaction seemed to be centered around photo opportunities (for a mere $100, you can get 5 5x7's, two keychains and a snowglobe... woohoo). Got to kiss Goofy (click, click) then scratched her chin which she really seamed to like. Hurrah, connection with dolphin... then, Goofy is MIA again. Held back tears. One by one our pod people went out to the center of the pool, posed with Goofy (click, click), then got "brought" back to the line by Goofy. My turn, ooh, ooh. I get to put my feet against Goofy's pectoral fins as she pushes me back to shore. Whoopeee, moving fast, this is fun... smile for the camera (click, click). Kind of strange having a giant dolphin between your legs, I hope I don't slip... but hey, THIS is the kind of stuff I paid an extra $110 bucks for!!

Couple more minutes. Get to touch her flukes. Look at her underwater. She likes me, she really likes me... the delusion is back! Damn, it's almost over (after a mere 20 minutes). Goofy does her last trick of jumping up out of the water and spinning... she does this three times in a row... not bad for an old broad.

It's over, we have to leave the lagoon. So sad, want to cry. Really want to get a job as a dolphin trainer. Believe it or not, I'm semi-qualified. The psychology degree and the experience at the zoo as a docent. I'm so in there. I'm going to their HR dept today. Later that day... HR is closed, but I'll get on the web when I get home. Must work with dolphins, they'd be almost as fun as the wacky crew I work with now. Got on the web, no jobs available. Lifelong dream will not be fulfilled any time soon. Hold back tears.

All in all, with the delay, the MIA dolphin, and the rain (oh yeah, it poured!), it was a great experience and I would do it again and again.

Friday

Apparently today was crappy movie day. I watched Girl Interrupted on video... good but rather depressing. Then we went to the movies. I've been waiting to see The Mexican, have had to wait because everyone (me, hubby, and inlaws) wants to see it. So I thought today would be our chance but instead, Mother inlaw insisted on going to see 15 Minutes (either to beat the after 4 price increase from $3.75 to $5.50 or to get to dinner sooner, not sure). Yet another disturbing, stress inducing movie. Then we gathered back at home and watched Meet the Parents because I needed a dose of humor BAD. This movie did not provide the dose I needed, so now I'm jonesing for giggles. I'll go read everyone's blogs and hope that helps.

Thursday

Not much again today. The hubby went golfing. The highlight of my day? Going to Thursday Night at the Square. No, no, it wasn't watching the 80 year olds do the Boot Scootin Boogie to the live country music (help me I'm in hell)... As soon as we got there, I smelled something. I recognized that smell, but I didn't want to get my hopes up. Could it be? I'll have to wait until we turn the corner. Oh... YES, YES, YES - it's a Kettle Korn booth!!!! But wait, is it crappy Kettle Korn like we found in Utah that doesn't have enough sugar to make a dent? Am I in for great disappointment? I better sample it first... Mmmmmmm, perfect, I'm in heaven. The country music stops playing and, in my head, I hear the chords of Guster ring out in my head and all is right with the world... for a while.

Wednesday

Today I went to see The Wedding Planner by myself while hubby was golfing. It was either that or See Spot Run. Have to wait for Chuck to go see The Mexican , he wants to see it too. The Wedding Planner was a typical unrealistic, predictable love story, but Matthew McConaughey made it more than bearable.

I also almost got ran over by the blue-hair cart guy at Publix. He had collected about four carts and proceeded to almost plow me over with the ton of steel he was pushing - definitely would have put me in the hospital... "What happened to you Tina?" "I got run over by grocery carts." Not a very compelling story, I'd have to make something else up... "I was in the water at the beach when I saw this fin. I thought it was a dolphin so I got closer. Aaaahh, it was a Great White shark coming right at me. He swam by me, then whipped away and as he turned, his tail plowed into me like a ton of steel. I was badly hurt and could barely tread water. He turned around and was coming back for me, I saw many, many teeth and thought I was going to be lunch when suddenly, out of no where, a dolphin charged up and rammed into the shark and scared him away. The dolphin came back, let me grab his fin and towed me to the beach. Then a young studly EMT gave me mouth to mouth, lifted me in his arms and put me into the ambulance and that's how I ended up in the hospital." Yep, that sounds a bit better.

So the old cart guy didn't even look at me, didn't even SEE me. Maybe I'm invisible and I didn't know it.

The "Vacation" Starts

Left for Florida a day early to beat the storm that was supposed to hit Rochester on Tuesday. Jetblue was a pretty impressive airline. Nice cushy leather seats, my own personal cable tv, Terra chips... nice. I couldn've done without the crew that seemed to be rejects from Open Mic Comedy Night, but it was still better than a bunch of holier-than-thou-five-pounds-of-makeup-nice-because-I-have-to-be people you usually get.

Haven't done much yet, though, in the strangest irony ever, I joined the fitness center for the week. At home I can't get off my butt to do anything remotely resembling exercise and now that I'm on vacation and I'm not supposed to get off my butt, I'm actually working out. My Father-in-law paid for the membership so, you know what that means, I HAVE to go. It's just not right.

For those of you who don't know, I'm in Florida at my inlaws who live in a retirement community. It's quite a culture change. In NY you have to be aware of your surroundings so you don't get mugged. In Florida you have to be aware of your surroundings so you don't get mowed down by an 80 year old blue hair who's in a big ass hurry to get the EXACT parking spot you're walking in front of.

I didn't even change out of my pajamas today. I wasn't a slug, I cleaned for a few hours and did a ton of laundry, but I did it all in my pj's.

At about 5pm, I became a slug... I plopped my butt down and started to watch TV. I watched High Fidelity (finally, thoroughly enjoyed it, Jack Black rocks). Cried to the end of "While You Were Sleeping", Bill Pullman looks pathetically cute in that movie. Snuck in some "Fashion Review of the Grammys". Joan Rivers is so damn annoying, but it's worth suffering through her monologues to hear her rip on celebrities. I might have to do to her what I used to do to Bob Sagat when I watched America's Funniest Home Videos: MUTE... At 10pm I had a dilemma. The second half of the season premier of the Sopranos was on at the same time as the new episode of Queer as Folk. Since I couldn't wait even another minute to see QAF, I taped the Sopranos and watched QAF.

I was having an oreo craving after seeing Sandra Bullock munching on them, so Chuck stopped by the store while on his walk and got me a bag of mini-oreos (it was all they had). I used the cheating chopsticks Jenny got me to dip my tiny little oreos in milk, they worked perfectly! Mmmmm...

I had to listen to the Nelly Furtado CD against my will. Chuck got it last night at Target, I think he bought it just to annoy me and it's working. I hate that damn bird song, she should adjust the words: "I eat like a bird, a strong breeze will make me fly away..."

Totally Contrived Island

I watched the final episode of Temptation Island the other night. Here's my brief summary:

Girl 1 when interviewed alone: I made a real connection with this other guy and hope to see him again. [oh yeah, she's gonna dump him]

Guy 1 when interviewed alone: I made a real connection with this other girl and hope to see her again. [oh yeah, he's gonna dump her]

[They come together, both have very serious grim looks on their faces.]

Guy 1 when together: I had a great time cheating on you and made a real emotional connection with someone else, but it just made me realize how much I love you. [totally contrived speech with plot twist]

Girl 1 when together: When I saw you in that hammock, I went crazy so I proceeded to make a real emotional connection with someone else but it only made my feelings for you stronger. [totally contrived speech with plot twist]

Kiss, kiss, hug, hug, cry, cry... Will you marry me? ... happy ending.

Girl 2 and Guy 2

Same as Girl and Guy 1 except more like this, "when I saw you stripping, I went crazy so I proceeded to got intimate with someone else but it only made my feelings for you stronger. "

Kiss, kiss, hug, hug, cry, cry... happy ending

Guy and Girl 3

Girl 3 when interviewed alone: I don't care what he did, I only hope that he has regrets. I'll just die if he dumps me. [very sad eyes]

Guy 3 when interviewed alone: I don't regret anything. Gettin' with those girls were two of the best days of my life. [oh no, he's going to dump her and she will be devastated!]

[They come together, both have very serious grim looks on their faces.]

Girl 3 when together: [reading from cheat sheet] I held back and resisted temptation because I love you so much. [VERY sad eyes]

Guy 3 when together: I had a great time cheating on you and made a real emotional connection with someone else, but it just made me realize how much I love you. [whoa, yet ANOTHER plot twist!]

Kiss, kiss, hug, hug, cry, cry... happy ending