The Daily Bite

Last week, as I'm driving to work, I notice a spider hanging from my side mirror, clinging on for dear life. Part of me is rooting for him but most of me is accelerating faster and faster to get him to blow off! Then floomp, he crawls up into the mirror, safe and sound. Push him down a little and he's easily the size of a dime, ie, big.

The next day, no spider. Can't decide whether I'm relieved or disappointed.

Friday I notice a fresh web. He's still here. Arrive at work, there he is, hanging down from the mirror and I think, did he really hold on the whole way? Through my 72mph driving? Holy crap, that's a super spider. Then, floomp, he crawls up into the mirror.

The real horrific part is that HE could be a SHE and in some short time, my car will be swarming with little spiders. For sanity sake, I resolve to believe it's a he.

As I get in my car after work, I begin to wonder if he might find his way inside my car. I'd feel this tapping on my shoulder and hear, "hey, nice digs in here... leather... niiiiccce" as he rubs his hairy little legs across the seat.

Then I think I see something out of the corner of my eye - AAGH! Nothing. Then I think I feel something on my foot. AAAGGHH! Nothing. I conclude that I am being parachnoid (paranoid of arachnids).

As I come out to my car the next day, I see a fresh web yet again from mirror to door. Ugh, he's still here. But I get in the car and - AAAAAGGGGHHHHH - there is a web built from my steering wheel to the dash. My nightmare has come true. I wasn't paranoid, he WAS in my car. Somewhere. Hiding. Waiting. Determining the best time to jump out at me. I can see it now, caught driving recklessly, "well Officer, a spider jumped out at me".

If I Raid my car, I'll probably do more damage to myself than the spider. He'll just find a way out and go, "aaah, fresh air", while I'm inside choking.

Well, he can have my car for the next few days while I'm out of town, but after that, I am RECLAIMING MY CAR and my SANITY!