I'll Have the Soup and a Dose of Reality

I think I worry myself and my friends with how easily I can go off and make up these delusional stories of interactions with celebrities. Some accuse me of stalking, but I don't really focus my attentions on any one celebrity, so it's definitely not stalking. (I use Ben as an example alot just for consistency). What does all this mean? What happened in my childhood to cause me to become obsessed with spotting celebrities? All questions for my therapist.

I do, however, feel compelled to do one future journal entry that has a bit more of a basis in reality, so here goes (still assuming that my brother has become a famous actor and Chuck and I have moved to LA to ride his coattails) :

July 22nd, 2004
At playgroup with the other parents again. I swear, Calista's little kid is such a bully - her nanny lets him get away with everything. Luckily, my kid is pretty tough for a 2 year old and doesn't take any shit. He's such a smarty, it's so funny to see him use reverse psychology on the other kids! Russell was actually at playgroup today, a pleasant surprise, he hadn't been there in weeks. He went on and on about how he and Meg share the responsibilities and how he wants to be an involved father. He even did the "gladiator fight" (AGAIN) for the older kids - they always ask for that. He wanted me to be his sparring partner this time but I chickened out, I still have problems with the "everyone is watching" situations.

Daniela’s Busted

Daniela wrote in her blog that she rented the movie An Affair of Love (Une Liaison d’Amour) and was "surprised" because she thought it was going to be mostly about sex. The thing she fails to point out is exactly that, she thought it was going to be mostly about sex. Ha!! Busted! =)

Mardi Gras

Saturday night Chuck and I went to Matt’s Mardi Gras party. It was fun. Jenny sums it up pretty well on her blog. I have to get that Samba De Amigo game – it was great excersise! It costs as much as a one year gym membership too, whew!

I got a good number of beads too, but no flashing, I did tell fortunes though. One girl’s fortune made it pretty clear that she’d be "taking care of her own business", if you know what I mean. I sounded like Dr. Ruth, "it’s a very normal thing"… hee hee.

Starring… Eddie A

Thursday I had to watch CSI again because my brother Eddie, the aspiring actor, got a part as an extra, playing a waiter. I painstakingly focussed on the TV… Was that his arm? Is that him in the brown vest? Ugh… a commercial… flick to Will & Grace… flick back… Oh My God, I think I missed 10 seconds worth – did I miss him? This went on for an hour and I didn’t see hide nor hair of Mr. Eddie Agoo (though he’ll always be Eddie Spaghetti to me). Turns out they showed the back of his head in the first 30 seconds of the show and I missed it completely. So the back of his head has now appeared in "America’s Most Wanted" and "CSI". I think Eddie is going to be the first professional "back of head" model. Directors and producers will see his work and go, "yeah, we want the back of that guys head, it’s perfect for our movie". Hey, as long as he gets bank, who cares? Seriously, I have all the faith in the world that my big brother will make it big and then guess what… yep, Tina gets to ride the coat tails and mingle daily with celebs.

In the distant future… an excerpt from my journal:

Wednesday, June 4th, 2003
Met Ben for coffee today, he had borrowed my digital camera and wanted to return it and buy me a latte. He showed me all the pictures of he and Matt and Gwyneth, said they missed me at the beach house. Ben’s so funny. I never thought I’d meet someone as wierd about food as me, but there he was, demanding that the Starbuck’s clerk pick all the nuts out of his Banana Nut muffin. I told him to just get the Lemon Poppyseed muffin but he wanted to give the girl a thrill. She would have been miffed at anyone else for the mere suggestion that she do something so demeaning, but for Ben she acted like he had asked her to marry him, she was so damn excited. I just sipped my latte and quietly ate my chocolate chip cookie.

Bellybutton Issues

At lunch today, somehow the topic of bellybuttons came up. The mere mention of a bellybutton (the word in general), makes me have to pee - it actually causes a physical reaction. Touching it is 10 times worse, I feel it directly, well, um... down there. Jenny was quite amused by this revelation and proceeded to mention the word "bellybutton" many times over, seemingly enjoying the horror she was evoking in me. She thought it was psychological, relating to me the story that her Mom told her - 'don't play with your bellybutton, it will put air in your stomach and make you sick'. Nope, the psychological implications of bellybutton issues is a whole other can of worms. Mine's just strictly physical.

I've met a couple other people who claim the same. So my questions now are: do some people have a direct link from their bellybutton to their urethra? How common is this phenomenon? Is it all psychosematic? Am I a freak? Time to do some research...

So now YOU probably have a question: How do I clean my bellybutton? Aaaarrrggghhh, the mere thought of it... must go pee... I'm afraid if I looked in my bellybutton I'd find a family of dust bunnies hanging out, enjoying some tea. That's all I can say on the subject, I have to run to the ladies room now.

QAF

Though I was still sick this weekend, I seemed to do a lot. Friday night was a bust, zonked out on the couch by 10:30, didn't make it to the Bug Jar for Tony's rave, bummer, heard it was great.

Saturday finally had Thai food at The King and I. Quite yummy. Will be going back. Took my little brother to lunch there, he turned 21 on Saturday. Seems like just yesterday I was keeping him from peeing on himself and plucking freckles off of his face. He was one of the cutest little kids ever - curly red hair, freckles, a sweet innocence about him. Now he has an evil clown tattooed on his back (he's a huge ICP fan), tattoos on his arms, a pierced tongue and pierced nipples - how's that for a change! The weirdest part about it though is that he dresses normal and works as a salesman at a carpet store. I guess he's a closet freak, either that or he's already grown out of it. He didn't go out Friday night because he said he had to work at 10am. I said, "you're only 21 - you should be out until 9am, go home, shower, and stumble into work at 10am!" I'm such a good influence, aren't I?

So Saturday night I popped in a tape my Mom let me borrow - it had four episodes of a new series on Showtime called "Queer as Folk". My sister and my Mom had been raving about how great it was, but I didn't have Showtime and wasn't about to fork over more money to the cable company. My cable bill is already more expensive than a car payment!. It's like Sex in the City only with gay and lesbians. I was up until 3:30am watching one after another - I couldn't get enough. Sunday night I gave in and signed up for Showtime so I could watch Queer as Folk. I actually got a good deal, 8 more channels for $6. I should just quit my job and watch TV all day. Of course then I couldn’t afford my cable bill. Oh well.

Sadness

This post is really from April, 2001, after finding out that Noel's Dad had died, but I just couldn't bring myself to put all of this out there, so I'm hiding it back here, on Dad's birthday.

I could relate to Noel on one level, losing a Dad so young (my Dad was 46), but on another level, things were very, very different. I lost my Dad very slowly and while I had time to accept the fact he was going to leave us, my last memories are of him suffering, changing, leaving. My Dad died almost 10 years ago, on Mother's Day in 1991... three weeks before my wedding. Sometimes I can barely stand to think about it, it sounds like such a painful set of circumstances, yet somehow I got through my wedding without shedding a tear. I know how I did it... two things... my Dad had lived in Las Vegas up until a month before he died, so I went into a pretty strong subconscious denial that he was actually gone... I kind of believed he was just still in Vegas. I also told myself over and over that Dad wouldn't want me to be sad on my wedding day, he wouldn't want me to cry, he'd want me to be happy. So I made it through. My brother Eddie was a wreck, he had lived with Dad in Vegas for many years. He couldn't do the "still in Vegas" denial. I don't think anyone realized how deeply he was hurting. I regret not realizing Eddie's pain. I regret having my Stepdad walk me down the aisle. I regret not making more mention of my Dad (though I knew I couldn't or I would have lost it). I regret that we didn't get to dance to "Daddy's Little Girl". I have regrets, but I also have alot of joy and happy memories.

Looking back I am amazed at the strength I found in myself when my Dad was sick. We found out in January that he had lung cancer and I kept insisting that he come back to NY for treatment. He procrastinated, mainly because he was sicker than he let on and he didn't have the energy to travel. Finally, in April, he said he would come home, but when he went to the doctor the next day, they admitted him to the hospital. When I found out, I immediately bought a ticket to Vegas, spent four days with him in the hospital, got his doctors to clear him for travel, then bought him a ticket to come home with me, and we came back to NY together. My Grandma took care of him for about a week, then he went into the hospital for 3 weeks before he passed away. I remember going to work, then going to aerobics (to get in shape for my wedding), then going to the hospital... almost evry day. One day, I got off the elevator and heard this terrible moaning. It sounded like Dad, so I rushed to his room. It was him, moaning away, and just as I was about to get very upset at his suffering, he stopped, looked up and said, "why am I moaning so much?". Turned out the morphine was making him moan, not any pain. I laugh about it now.

I remember that the day of his memorial service, the weather was unbelievably beautiful. It seemed like a sign that everything was all right, he was happy and no longer suffering. Ten years later it's still hard to accept, it still hurts, it's easier in some ways yet more difficult in others. My Dad was a unique individual and I hope I never forget the qualities that made him special.

I’m Baaacckkk

[Updated 2.16]

Back from Utah today, had a great time, doh I fink I caught a code, ab feeling a bit sick even doh I got the immunity boost in my Jamba Juice yesterday. Between dat and my tongue injury, I’b talking bery funny.

Day 1
Traveling. Sleeping on the plane, mouth wide open, drooling. Read a copy of Glamour magazine, which I can now verify is a sex magazine disguised as a fashion magazine. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Evening 1
Dinner with Jenny, Tony, Tim and Mike at Zona Rosa, yummy food. Cruising around in the blazer. Blazer’s have a display that shows you the temperature outside. We watched it go lower and lower as we drove higher and higher (down to ZERO). Tim says, "I don’t see why, I HAVE the heat on." Must be the altitude.

Day 2
Snowboarding at Snowbird with Jenny, Tony, Tim and Mike. But first we get JAMBA JUICE (JJ) (smoothies). I get a Jamba Powerboost and it turns out to be a little chunk of heaven. Great, yet another food item to be addicted to! The problem is, can’t get them in or anywhere NEAR Rochester. I now have 2 choices: hop on a plane or open my own franchise. I’m seriously considering the latter.

Aaaah, I fall off the lift EVERY time!! Add in a couple more falls on the hill. Lots of falling leaf. Hill is a bit icy. Jenny’s legs hurt, mine don’t (yet). I wonder about myself, "Am I doing it wrong?" Jenny wonders about herself (direct quote), "Am I a Fatty McButterpants?" I almost mow down a little kid while getting off the lift. Mark one on my scorecard. Jenny hurts her ankle, we decide that 3 hours is enough for us, head back. Hot tub calls my name. Day 1 of Advil dependency.

Evening 2
Dinner with Jenny, Tony, Tim, Mike, Joel, and Lara at US Prime Steak house. Mmmm, Filet Mignon. As much as I don’t like the concept of eating animals, I certainly LOVE the taste. Lara tells funny yet disgusting medical stories. I love funny and I love disgusting, they go great together, like peanut butter and chocolate. Pop more Advil.

Day 3
Advil for breakfast. Great conversation with Lara over breakfast while others are at the conference, I’m glad she’s here. More JJ and an Einstein Brothers Bagel, mmmmm, tastebuds dance. Snowboarding at Park City with Jenny, Joel and Lara. Park City’s lift is wonderful, very flat, no falling today, only "controlled stops". Oh yeah, the thighs start burning today. I say, "I guess I’m doing it right today." Jenny says, "I guess I’m not a Fatty McButterpants." Jenny is carving now, looking damn good on that board! Jenny and I discuss our motives for snowboarding and admit that we just want to be cool and say, in a slightly snooty tone, "oh yeah, we’re SNOWBOARDERS".

After riding, we stop at JJ for "lunch". Jenny and I attempt to justify the 6000 calories in each smoothie by splitting a Kiwi-berry Burner, which they describe as "boosted to promote healthy weight", however, they don’t say if that means to help you GAIN or LOSE weight. We assume that they must mean lose, of course. No matter that it has 10000 calories. More Advil please.

Evening 3
Early dinner with Jenny, Tony, Joel and Lara at Meditteraneo, basically a very swanky Pizza place. Yummy though. Jenny and I share food, as we’ve been doing often, and earn the nickname "Jenina" from Lara and Joel. While Jenny, Joel and Tony go back for the evening session of the conference, Lara and I do some shopping. Lara feeds her Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory Caramel Apple habit. Jenny’s ankle is turning funny colors, but she swears it feels ok. Can you say, "Advil?"

Day 4
I’m so thrilled to hear Jenny say those magic words, "let’s take today off." Woo hoo! I mean, I’m loving the snowboarding but my thighs can only take so much (book comment). Einstein brothers and JJ for breakfast again - still heaven. Shop, shop, shop. I drop some cash at Mountain Body buying bath products, Jenny spends twice as much. I begin to wonder if Jenny has a B.O.fobia, but I know she doesn’t, yummy smelling stuff just warms her heart.

Stop in to a shop called Queen of Arts. Meet "Tea Girl". She looks like Su but she’s very strange and doesn’t appear to have bathed in some time. She makes us "special tea". Jenny and I are giddy the rest of the day, we’re convinced Tea Girl drugged us.

Tony hurt his knee today, that sucks royal. No more snowboarding on this trip, though I don’t think he’s too bothered because at this point he’s more interested in Cheese (our nickname for his new friend Brie – very nice, very beautiful, very interested-in-him friend) than snowboarding. How about some Advil with that cheese?

Evening 4
Go to the conference dinner with Tony and Jenny - cheesecake for dessert but Tony won’t eat any, too early in the year. For some reason I find it highly amusing to watch Tony eat cheesecake, perhaps because it’s the only time he has his mouth closed for more than 5 seconds. Tony wanders off to get some Cheese. Jenny and I can’t help but joke. We call her various types of cheese, but decide that she’s way too classy to be called Velveeta, then Jenny says, "yep, she’s no Easy Cheese" – we almost throw up from laughing so hard. Jenny draws "the finger" on a napkin so we can flip Tony off. After a failed attempt to use her own hand as a model (I point out that it will be backward), I have to model. I feel bad flipping Jenny off, but it’s all in the name of art.

As we’re sitting there laughing to the point of tears, a guy pops in a video of The Burning Man festival. More naked people than Woodstock! I don’t know if it’s just me, but I don’t find flailing penises the least bit attractive. All I can think is, "strap that thing down." As for the naked women, I think, "when they’re down to your knees, you’ll regret all that naked dancing you did when they were perky." We all have an Advil nightcap.

Day 5
See Day 3 only today we go to The Canyons. We get to ride the Gondola, the view is spectacular. The Canyons are so poorly marked, Jenny and I almost end up taking the lift to the Snowboarding Park – you know, the kind with a picnic table you ride over. Serious injury would have ensued. A guy with a Krispy Kreme box directs us away just in the nick of time, unknowingly saving our lives. Then we end up having to slide down this little hill on our snowboards to get to the "actual" lift. Luckily it was fun and prevented us from getting pissed that the place was so poorly marked.

Guess who I see in the ski shop up on the hill? Tea Girl!! How freaky is that. She barely remembers me but tells me that she quit her job at Queen of Arts. Jenny and I assume that we inspired her to do what makes her happy.

Finally up on the hill snowboarding. Getting off the lift is hell again, many falls. Legs are sore again. I yell over to Jenny, "My legs are going to be as strong as…" (quick wit kicks into action) "something with really strong legs." Damn that altitude. We laugh very hard. A ski instructor begs us to take two of his kids on the lift with us. They turn out to be 7 year old smartass punks – Tims in Training. I resist the urge to give them a smackdown, but manage to make them fall while getting off the lift. Oops. Mark two more on my scorecard. I actually do some turns, there are some real flat areas that make it easier. I’m getting much better but I really need another lesson. Pain from falling while getting off the lift causes me to feel that I’ve gotten my fill of snowboarding for this trip. Advil, it’s like candy I tell ya.


Evening 5
Dinner with Jenny, Joel and Lara at the Irish Camel, a mexican food place, of course! Ice cream at Cow, Chocolate Chocolate Chip, just yummy! With ice cream breath we head to Tony's presentation on Corporate America. It is educational yet very funny. Tony should be in show business, not in web design. Not to say he's a sucky designer, he's a great designer, he's just so witty that the whole world should be able to enjoy it. Top off the evening with a beer with Mike and Tim, they've been scarce this trip and I'm sure it's because I'm so annoying. Find out how Mike came to live in Alaska - very interesting. I always wish I'd just up and travelled. Ah, regrets. Luckily few and far between for me.

Day 6
Again I celebrate as Jenny decides we've had enough snowboarding. She and Tony and I hang together, grab food, then head out to Robert Redford's Sundance farms. We're sure Rob will be there. On the way we pass a field with a fuzzy little donkey hanging out. Jenny and I christen him "Lill Ass" and set the stage for the scenario that Tony is his long lost father. Jenny does a great imitation... picture this... a slight British accent... "Father? Is that you Father? I knew you'd come for me one day." Jenny and I are rolling! Now all we have to do to bug Tony is say, "Father?" Works like a charm. Jenny refuses to believe that Sundance Farms could be so small, so we drive for a while, then go back. We buy soap - sure that it was handmade by Rob himself. We pet the horses. Tony sleeps in the truck then later laments at not getting to pet the horses. We hit Cow again, as yummy as before. We drop Tony off then Jenny and I do some serious shopping at the Outlet shops. Banana Republic outlet brings us great joy and bargains. We celebrate with Advil.

Evening 6
Last evening, we go for Italian - just me, Jenny and Tony. Again, Tim and Mike opt to be antisocial. Jenny and Tony grab dessert at Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory. I shop up to the last minute. My bonus find is a huge pair of purple women's underwear with the words "Experts Only" and two black double diamonds printed on the butt - on sale for 95 cents! They all but have Tony's name spelled out on them. I give them to him, we all crack up.

Day 7
Time to go home. Jenny, Tony and I head to JJ and Einstein Bros. one last time. We almost cry when saying bye to Jamba Juice, it's a very sad thing. I get an immunity boost in my Banana Berry Jamba because I'm starting to feel stuffy. Everything is delayed, we get home way late. It's cold and crappy in Rochester, looks like I'll need some Advil to cheer me up.

Bad Blogger

I've been bad, haven't blogged in quite a while. That's because last time I was blogging I had a very witty little ditty typed up when, BAM, gone. I can only be that witty when Saturn is aligned with Jupiter's 5th moon.

What's been going on in my life? Not much.

- Hubby is shrinking, lost 22 pounds and is becoming overly concerned with his fashion choices. Hmmm, what should I think about that?

- I was eating healthy, lost a couple pounds, then, BAM!! Off the wagon. All it took was half a krispy kreme, that led to pizza, smarties, coca cola, and the ultimate sin, chicken wings. We had a Pancake brunch at work today where I ate about 8 pancakes. When my friend Mike came to have lunch with me, I lamented how full I was and couldn't eat a thing because I just ate 95 pancakes. We get to the Empire, I get chicken wings so I don't feel wierd not ordering anything, I think, "I'll just eat a couple and save the rest to bring home." Well, I gobbled down those 12 chicken wings like it was the last supper. I underestimated the power of my... stomach, tastebuds, psychological addiction to food...

- I am going to Utah tomorrow to hang with the clan that I work with (Jenny, Joel and Lara, Tony, Tim, and Mike). Will be snowbarding. Got a really cool pair of red snowboarding pants. I will be easy to spot on the slopes. I hope I don't break anything or do any permanent damage. I hope I get time to shop. I hope I get trapped on the ski lift with Russell Crowe (a girl can dream, can't she?).

So I'll be off blogger for another week, then I just hope I have a Blogger to come back to!!

Cheers!