The Daily Bite

I’m Baaacckkk

[Updated 2.16]

Back from Utah today, had a great time, doh I fink I caught a code, ab feeling a bit sick even doh I got the immunity boost in my Jamba Juice yesterday. Between dat and my tongue injury, I’b talking bery funny.

Day 1
Traveling. Sleeping on the plane, mouth wide open, drooling. Read a copy of Glamour magazine, which I can now verify is a sex magazine disguised as a fashion magazine. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Evening 1
Dinner with Jenny, Tony, Tim and Mike at Zona Rosa, yummy food. Cruising around in the blazer. Blazer’s have a display that shows you the temperature outside. We watched it go lower and lower as we drove higher and higher (down to ZERO). Tim says, "I don’t see why, I HAVE the heat on." Must be the altitude.

Day 2
Snowboarding at Snowbird with Jenny, Tony, Tim and Mike. But first we get JAMBA JUICE (JJ) (smoothies). I get a Jamba Powerboost and it turns out to be a little chunk of heaven. Great, yet another food item to be addicted to! The problem is, can’t get them in or anywhere NEAR Rochester. I now have 2 choices: hop on a plane or open my own franchise. I’m seriously considering the latter.

Aaaah, I fall off the lift EVERY time!! Add in a couple more falls on the hill. Lots of falling leaf. Hill is a bit icy. Jenny’s legs hurt, mine don’t (yet). I wonder about myself, "Am I doing it wrong?" Jenny wonders about herself (direct quote), "Am I a Fatty McButterpants?" I almost mow down a little kid while getting off the lift. Mark one on my scorecard. Jenny hurts her ankle, we decide that 3 hours is enough for us, head back. Hot tub calls my name. Day 1 of Advil dependency.

Evening 2
Dinner with Jenny, Tony, Tim, Mike, Joel, and Lara at US Prime Steak house. Mmmm, Filet Mignon. As much as I don’t like the concept of eating animals, I certainly LOVE the taste. Lara tells funny yet disgusting medical stories. I love funny and I love disgusting, they go great together, like peanut butter and chocolate. Pop more Advil.

Day 3
Advil for breakfast. Great conversation with Lara over breakfast while others are at the conference, I’m glad she’s here. More JJ and an Einstein Brothers Bagel, mmmmm, tastebuds dance. Snowboarding at Park City with Jenny, Joel and Lara. Park City’s lift is wonderful, very flat, no falling today, only "controlled stops". Oh yeah, the thighs start burning today. I say, "I guess I’m doing it right today." Jenny says, "I guess I’m not a Fatty McButterpants." Jenny is carving now, looking damn good on that board! Jenny and I discuss our motives for snowboarding and admit that we just want to be cool and say, in a slightly snooty tone, "oh yeah, we’re SNOWBOARDERS".

After riding, we stop at JJ for "lunch". Jenny and I attempt to justify the 6000 calories in each smoothie by splitting a Kiwi-berry Burner, which they describe as "boosted to promote healthy weight", however, they don’t say if that means to help you GAIN or LOSE weight. We assume that they must mean lose, of course. No matter that it has 10000 calories. More Advil please.

Evening 3
Early dinner with Jenny, Tony, Joel and Lara at Meditteraneo, basically a very swanky Pizza place. Yummy though. Jenny and I share food, as we’ve been doing often, and earn the nickname "Jenina" from Lara and Joel. While Jenny, Joel and Tony go back for the evening session of the conference, Lara and I do some shopping. Lara feeds her Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory Caramel Apple habit. Jenny’s ankle is turning funny colors, but she swears it feels ok. Can you say, "Advil?"

Day 4
I’m so thrilled to hear Jenny say those magic words, "let’s take today off." Woo hoo! I mean, I’m loving the snowboarding but my thighs can only take so much (book comment). Einstein brothers and JJ for breakfast again - still heaven. Shop, shop, shop. I drop some cash at Mountain Body buying bath products, Jenny spends twice as much. I begin to wonder if Jenny has a B.O.fobia, but I know she doesn’t, yummy smelling stuff just warms her heart.

Stop in to a shop called Queen of Arts. Meet "Tea Girl". She looks like Su but she’s very strange and doesn’t appear to have bathed in some time. She makes us "special tea". Jenny and I are giddy the rest of the day, we’re convinced Tea Girl drugged us.

Tony hurt his knee today, that sucks royal. No more snowboarding on this trip, though I don’t think he’s too bothered because at this point he’s more interested in Cheese (our nickname for his new friend Brie – very nice, very beautiful, very interested-in-him friend) than snowboarding. How about some Advil with that cheese?

Evening 4
Go to the conference dinner with Tony and Jenny - cheesecake for dessert but Tony won’t eat any, too early in the year. For some reason I find it highly amusing to watch Tony eat cheesecake, perhaps because it’s the only time he has his mouth closed for more than 5 seconds. Tony wanders off to get some Cheese. Jenny and I can’t help but joke. We call her various types of cheese, but decide that she’s way too classy to be called Velveeta, then Jenny says, "yep, she’s no Easy Cheese" – we almost throw up from laughing so hard. Jenny draws "the finger" on a napkin so we can flip Tony off. After a failed attempt to use her own hand as a model (I point out that it will be backward), I have to model. I feel bad flipping Jenny off, but it’s all in the name of art.

As we’re sitting there laughing to the point of tears, a guy pops in a video of The Burning Man festival. More naked people than Woodstock! I don’t know if it’s just me, but I don’t find flailing penises the least bit attractive. All I can think is, "strap that thing down." As for the naked women, I think, "when they’re down to your knees, you’ll regret all that naked dancing you did when they were perky." We all have an Advil nightcap.

Day 5
See Day 3 only today we go to The Canyons. We get to ride the Gondola, the view is spectacular. The Canyons are so poorly marked, Jenny and I almost end up taking the lift to the Snowboarding Park – you know, the kind with a picnic table you ride over. Serious injury would have ensued. A guy with a Krispy Kreme box directs us away just in the nick of time, unknowingly saving our lives. Then we end up having to slide down this little hill on our snowboards to get to the "actual" lift. Luckily it was fun and prevented us from getting pissed that the place was so poorly marked.

Guess who I see in the ski shop up on the hill? Tea Girl!! How freaky is that. She barely remembers me but tells me that she quit her job at Queen of Arts. Jenny and I assume that we inspired her to do what makes her happy.

Finally up on the hill snowboarding. Getting off the lift is hell again, many falls. Legs are sore again. I yell over to Jenny, "My legs are going to be as strong as…" (quick wit kicks into action) "something with really strong legs." Damn that altitude. We laugh very hard. A ski instructor begs us to take two of his kids on the lift with us. They turn out to be 7 year old smartass punks – Tims in Training. I resist the urge to give them a smackdown, but manage to make them fall while getting off the lift. Oops. Mark two more on my scorecard. I actually do some turns, there are some real flat areas that make it easier. I’m getting much better but I really need another lesson. Pain from falling while getting off the lift causes me to feel that I’ve gotten my fill of snowboarding for this trip. Advil, it’s like candy I tell ya.


Evening 5
Dinner with Jenny, Joel and Lara at the Irish Camel, a mexican food place, of course! Ice cream at Cow, Chocolate Chocolate Chip, just yummy! With ice cream breath we head to Tony's presentation on Corporate America. It is educational yet very funny. Tony should be in show business, not in web design. Not to say he's a sucky designer, he's a great designer, he's just so witty that the whole world should be able to enjoy it. Top off the evening with a beer with Mike and Tim, they've been scarce this trip and I'm sure it's because I'm so annoying. Find out how Mike came to live in Alaska - very interesting. I always wish I'd just up and travelled. Ah, regrets. Luckily few and far between for me.

Day 6
Again I celebrate as Jenny decides we've had enough snowboarding. She and Tony and I hang together, grab food, then head out to Robert Redford's Sundance farms. We're sure Rob will be there. On the way we pass a field with a fuzzy little donkey hanging out. Jenny and I christen him "Lill Ass" and set the stage for the scenario that Tony is his long lost father. Jenny does a great imitation... picture this... a slight British accent... "Father? Is that you Father? I knew you'd come for me one day." Jenny and I are rolling! Now all we have to do to bug Tony is say, "Father?" Works like a charm. Jenny refuses to believe that Sundance Farms could be so small, so we drive for a while, then go back. We buy soap - sure that it was handmade by Rob himself. We pet the horses. Tony sleeps in the truck then later laments at not getting to pet the horses. We hit Cow again, as yummy as before. We drop Tony off then Jenny and I do some serious shopping at the Outlet shops. Banana Republic outlet brings us great joy and bargains. We celebrate with Advil.

Evening 6
Last evening, we go for Italian - just me, Jenny and Tony. Again, Tim and Mike opt to be antisocial. Jenny and Tony grab dessert at Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory. I shop up to the last minute. My bonus find is a huge pair of purple women's underwear with the words "Experts Only" and two black double diamonds printed on the butt - on sale for 95 cents! They all but have Tony's name spelled out on them. I give them to him, we all crack up.

Day 7
Time to go home. Jenny, Tony and I head to JJ and Einstein Bros. one last time. We almost cry when saying bye to Jamba Juice, it's a very sad thing. I get an immunity boost in my Banana Berry Jamba because I'm starting to feel stuffy. Everything is delayed, we get home way late. It's cold and crappy in Rochester, looks like I'll need some Advil to cheer me up.