Friday, November 03, 2000

Cowboys and Pimps and Ho's, OH MY!

Well, I'm back from Vegas, it was a good trip, not the most fun I've ever had, but good. I've realized, after spending a week with my family, why I've needed therapy in the past and will need it again. Travelling with my Mom, Stepdad and Sister - who all haven't flown in many years - was like "The Clampets go to Vegas". My Stepdad is like, "oh, just get me checked in while I go have a smoke". Ahh, Dickie, if it were that easy, we'd be having a few more planes blow up on us, now wouldn't we? No, you have to show them your ID and answer those every so telling and critical security questions, "had anyone unknown to you asked you to carry anything on the plane?". Who would answer Yes to this? Even the stupid people would think, "no, I feel like Bob Smith, who gave me this beautiful little package, is my best friend after we talked for almost an hour over airport food".

So we get there and the Clampets turn into poster children for Gambler's Anonymous (the BEFORE pictures). My sister plopped her butt down at video keno and stayed there for almost 5 days straight - she literally slept only about 14 hours the ENTIRE trip. It's amazing how this sweet little bubbly redhead transformed into a psycho zombie bitch from hell when you tried to get her to stop gambling and do something productive, like eat. "I'm NOT leaving this machine" she hissed. And proceeded to lose enough money to feed an entire 3rd world family for two years.

So we stayed at the hotel that just happened to be the headquarters for the Rodeo Championships that were in town. I hadn't seen so many 10 gallon hats and oversized belt buckles since Bonanza was on tv. The cowboys weren't all that interesting though. The fun really started when we went to Mandalay Bay where the 10th Annual Pimp 'N Ho Ball was being held, hosted by Dennis Rodman. The place was a Skanketeria. Anyone who ever wanted a good excuse to wear as little as possible and get away with it, was there if full force. Thongs abounded. Yes, they did a damn good job looking like Hos.

Before all the debauchery started though, we went to Red Rock Canyon and fulfilled my Dad's dying wish. He wanted his ashes sprinkled in the mountains. He lived in Las Vegas for many years and loved to go up to the mountains and Red Rock. To be honest, it would have made more sense to sprinkle him on a video poker machine - since he was the one who started the obsessive-compulsive lineage I'm part of today - but it was beautiful to finally let him have a final resting place 9 and a half years after his death. R.I.P. Dad, I hope you hit the Royal Flush up there!

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