Free Samples --> P*nis Reading

Found a website with lots of links for free stuff... so I surfed a bit - gotta love samples and such... found a link for a free sample of Astroglide... was curious... clicked... lo and behold, the site has an entire "Astrofun" section with an especially nice little gem on "The Ancient Art of P*nis Reading". I kid you not.

The internet. Enabling proliferation of obscure information since 1994 (all information posted prior to 1994 was actually useful).

Oh, and screw the lo-carb thing, get a free sample of Smorz cereal and eat the whole thing while on your way in from the mailbox.

** I edited this blog because I think some crawlers or unseedy characters were finding me based on the words...

Rochester is all abuzz about the Fast Ferry. It's finally here (after a long trip from Australia). The ability to take a nice, leisurely trip to Toronto is within our grasp.

I think alot of people here get the impression that the Ferry is supposed to save time or money. To the contrary, it's a bit pricey and with drive time to the lake added on to sailing time, a longer trip overall. But you won't to concentrate on driving or get all nervous pulling up to the border guard and when they ask what you're going to Canada for, blurt out "BIRTHDAY!" as opposed to the rational response of "we are travelling to your great land to celebrate our friend Tina's birthday at the lovely Butterfly Conservatory in your wonderful country."

You can even eat, drink, shop, connect to the internet, watch tv or catch a movie on the Ferry. They may even have gambling. SIGN ME UP!

The flipside... we may be recieving large groups of drunk Canadians on our shore soon. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Hallelujah! Jamba Juice now has "Enlightented Smoothies - 1/3 less calories. All Jamba". Not to say that I care about the calories in a Jamba. They could contain 3000 calories and I'd still partake. But it's nice to know that if they ever open Jambas here and my addiction is allowed to be fully recognized, I could potentially keep from doubling my body weight by favoring the lo-cal versions.

Jenny will NOT like them because... guess what they contain... yep... Horrenda (Jenny's name for Splenda). She's like a bee that can sense fear. She can tell in seconds whether something contains horrenda.

Thank you to Paula K. for keeping me up to speed as I sit here in this God-Forsaken Jamba-Juice-Deficient land of NY.

AAAAAAHHHHHH, I take it back, there's a Jamba in NYC now!! Sadly, still an 8 hour drive away. DAMMIT!

Must travel. Must get Jamba. Life force is fading...

In the early 80's, in Vegas, I used to hang at "Sev" (7/11) and play arcade games. I liked Asteroids, Centipede and Frogger, but I kicked butt on Pac Man. I had a pattern - and it worked like a charm. In the mid 80's living back home in Rochester, starting to date Chuck who had a Nintendo, and spent more hours than I care to admit playing Tetris.

Now you can play Frogger online.

Food Fragrances are the New Black

Jenny and I love beauty products that smell like food. Some of my favorites include DuWop Buttercream Lotion, Jaqua Girls Marshmallow Cocoa Body Whip, Chocolate Head hair conditioner, Aqualina Pink Sugar fragrance, and the no-longer-available Skinmarket Brown Sugar Body Scrub (which smelled so yummy, it started a bad self-sniffing habit).

Now there are a few new ones I must try, including Jessica Simpson's new Dessert Beauty line, which has Whipped Body Cream With Candy Sprinkles. Mmmm.

And The Bakery, which has White Chocolate Mousse Bath BonBons.

And Fresh Body Market, Inc., which has Coco Banana Slush (body soap).

Now I just need Krispy Kreme to bottle that wall-o-glaze scent and I'll be set for life. Heck, I'd bet the glaze itself could double as product. I'd wash with it, moisturize with it, condition my hair with it, soften my cuticles with it, let it get hard and crumbly, then exfoliate with it... I think I'm on to something here...

Poor Monkey

BONUS - found this flash animation while searching for monkeys... ***HILARIOUS***

Cheeky Monkey

The other day at lunch with Jenny and April, I commented that cartoon monkeys are like Benicio Del Toro... sometimes very cute, other times, rather non-cute.

Good Looking Benicio:


Not so good looking Benicio:


Good looking Monkey (Lia Studio)


Not so good looking Monkey:

As you may know, I love Peeps. They were always the staple of my Easter Basket. Sis's special item was chocolate covered marshmallows (yuck, imho), Bro loved the straight-up chocolate and I was lavished with Peeps.

Last year, Jenny and I got Guster hooked up with the Peeps Fun Bus and this year Guster created a Peeps basket for a charity auction.

While looking up how they make Peeps (after Joel's curiosity was peaked when I told him that marshmallows are "extruded"), I found that you can buy a limited edition Peeps t-shirt with proceeds going to Easter Seals. Mine will arrive after Easter, but let's face it, anytime is a good time for Peeps.

Trend Alert

Apparently the hot new thing is to take a product geared toward children and add alcohol.

First came 'juice box' wine. Now there's vodka ice-cream. Time to jump on the bandwagon and market Jello-shot Jigglers.

Mascot Aerobics

While we're on the subject of costumed characters, Abby told me that she heard that the guy who dresses as the Moose mascot for the Rochester Amerks hockey team loses 7 lbs a game! Which, with my twisted thinking and ever-present quest to lose weight quickly (me and about 1 billion other women's)... this info sparked an idea...

Characterobics!... don't just wear a mascot costume... learn to BE a mascot. Lose weight while building your fallback career.

Brilliant! Richard Simmons - lookout!

However, after reading the "Troubleshooting" section of MascotNet - The Comprehensive Site for Mascots and Administrators - [section #5: Hugging/Touching Children: Don't let our hand stray to any part of a person that could be interpreted as unacceptable. Many mascots have lost their jobs due to "straying hands"] I'd say my theory (from yesterday) is not so far fetched. It's a costumed-character conspiracy, I tell ya!

The Characterobics class will teach proper conduct, utilizing advice from our own Rochester Moose who says, "When dealing with children, I have always practiced "the head and back" rule. When interacting with them, you mess up their hair, pat on the head, etc. For hugging it is on the back, above the belt."

When I was 15, I visited DisneyWorld. I met Pluto. Pluto touched my butt. I have been uncomfortable around large, costumed characters ever since. Everyone thinks I'm crazy, but it doesn't seem so crazy now that Tigger has been arrested!

I'm picturing this secret society of mascots and other various character-types... who's main goal is to see how much they can get away with in the name of I-can-barely-see-through-the-mouth of-this-giant-head-which is-why-my-paw-accidentally-grabbed-your ...