The baby girl is getting so big. And talk about eyelash envy! J Lo may have to wear fake eyelashes made out of fox fur, but Mya won't even need lengthening mascara!

Dammit - Mr. Rogers died. I used to love when he showed how things were made. Crayons, food... That's why I love Unwrapped so much, same idea, but all food.

Bye Neighbor.

Dad and Kevin Spacey
Separated at birth?

Last thursday would have been my Dad's 58th birthday. He's been gone almost 12 years now.

things about my Dad:
- he was Airborne in the army
- he loved my Mom, but he cheated on her
- for a time, he was a biker
- he owned a motorcycle shop
- he had a Harley
- he hung out with Hells Angels
- he was a hippie
- he had long hair that I used to brush and braid
- he looked like Willie Nelson (in Willie's younger years)
- he had a sign that said, "You can have my gun when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers"
- he and Mom divorced, Stepmom was 13 yrs his junior
- for a time, he lived off the deer he hunted
- he had many tattoos (including the Harley Davidson symbol across his chest)
- he was a BS artist
- he swore ALOT
- he was a great storyteller
- he moved to Vegas and became a Craps dealer (irony)
- after the haircut and shave, he looked like Kevin Spacey
- he had a huge dimple on his right cheek (he'd tell us he got stabbed in the face)
- he was a heavy gambler
- for a time, he was dealing drugs
- he owned a meat factory (sausage & stuff)
- he owned a deli
- he loved his children
- he smoked like a feind
- he died of lung cancer

He definitely wasn't the best father, husband, or model citizen, but he was unique, interesting and loving, and I miss him.


Hippie-Willy-Nelson--Biker-Dad

Chocolate Fest

Today was Chocolate Fest at work. We got the book "Chocolate Astrology", by Joy Nagy, as a prize. Here's what it had to say about Scorpios:

-------------------
The perfect chocolate for a Scorpio:
Milk Chocoate Truffles with Rum Raisin Cream Filling

With it's seductive flavor, rum raisin appeals to Scorpio's wild sensuality. The smooth, rich milk chocolate coating then satisfies the Scorpion's desire for sweets.

Scorpions are intense, headstrong, forever mysterious, and passionate about love and food. This sign's unquenchable appetite for chocolate is symbolic of their appetite for life itself.
-------------------

OK, I REALLY don't like Rum Raisin... I prefer dark chocolate... I'm not sure about the wild sensuality, but I AM headstrong and I am passionate about food. Specifically, at this point in time, Chicken Madeira from The Cheesecake Factory...

Back to the harsh reality of upstate NY. My sister calls it "the f**ing tundra". But I'm still glad to be home. Grizzy got picked up from the kennel today all squeaky clean with a big bow around his neck. I was relieved to see him... he just turned 11, no spring chicken... and I'm worried about losing him too. I think my hormones are out of whack... I'm having these irrational thoughts and another round of intense grieving. Crying every night. It started in FL and continues. I think that being around Chuck's parents brought home the harsh reality that I have no parents. Both gone. Too difficult to fathom at times. I still think, "I have to call Mom and tell her..." then realize... then sadness overcomes me.

I took a big risk today. I went with my Mother-in-law to take Chuck's two young cousins to see Jungle Book 2. They are 6 (Kristen) and 3 (Michael). The past 2 days, Michael has been a hellion and his behavior has had me teetering on the brink of deciding never to have children. Last night at dinner he held his fork and knife up to my face and said, "I'll cut you up."

So needless to say, I wasn't too keen on taking the kid to the movies, but as a favor to Chuck's Mom, I went, knowing that she couldn't handle both kids. I thought for sure the effects would be permanent birth control. I was wrong. They were angels. Apparently, when their parents take Michael to the movies, he has to get up and go to the bathroom about 5 times. Not for us, he went before the movie, then sat quietly through the whole thing, just a peep here and there, nothing big.

My faith in children is restored. For now anyway.

Sunny Florida?

Third day here in Florida. It's been chilly and POURING rain. The sun has finally come out, but it's not warm enough to hit the pool... which, given my habit of inactivity, is not a bad thing. Bathing suit be damned!

So far, the visit looks like this... eat, watch tv, eat, sleep in, go to flea market and eat hamburger, go to movies and eat popcorn, go to eat after movies, watch tv, sleep in, spend 2 hours deciding which hotel to book in Orlando, eat, watch tv, eat. Oooh, and I think we're going out to eat shortly.

A Poem for Mom

If sorrow were a blanket,
I'd never be cold.

If tears were a fountain of youth,
I'd never get old.

If thoughts of you were water,
I'd make myself a sea.

If my prayers could be answered,
You'd be right here with me.

Shopping on the Brain

I'm pretty sure I'm using shopping as a coping technique these days. I think, "if I buy this, it will make me feel better." I really need to get a handle on this problem, but in the meantime, I got some damn cool stuff.

In planning my next business trip to Chicago, I was checking out the shopping opportunities (God help me, since I will be WORKING in a mall for 10 hours a day). So when Jenny came to see what I was doing that evening, I said, "I have to do my laundry so I can start shopping." I meant to say "packing" (for my vaca to FL).

So if I start blogging weird, don't be alarmed... you might see an entry like this:

For dinner last night, I got the shopping. It was good, but I'd wish I'd gotten the chicken. Walking out of the restaurant, I stumbled and sprained my shopping. A couply hours later my shopping was really throbbing so I took a couple shoppings and it started to feel better. Back at home, I called my shopping and she said the baby was shopping so she had to go. I decided I'd better get to shopping but I wasn't tired so I watched shopping for a while. At about 2am, I finallly drifted off to shopping.

Love Hearts

All my friends know that my favorite candy is Love Hearts and my dilemma that they can only be bought in Canada. Joel was at weggies the other day and found that they had them* for V Day. He had a huge smile on his face as he handed me a whole bag of "Love Hearts". I almost fainted, thinking my favorite-candy-finding problems had been solved. *Alas, they were not the "right" kind of Love Hearts. They were the americanized, less sweet, less fizzy version. Thanks to Joel for trying though.

But then, in looking for images for my blog, I found a web site that sells the real mccoy!!!!!! My previous searches had only led me to a sight where I could buy them from UK for 10x the price. Hallelujah Jesus! I can replenish my supply without having to drive to Toronto (and spend hundreds of $$ - a few $ on Love Hearts and then a couple hundred on all the other cool stuff you can only seem to get in Toronto).

Just when I think I'm doing better, I see my Mom's email address in my address book. Tomorrow is four months. Travelling is hard too because Mom would always say, "where's my little world traveller off to now?" and "let me give you some money to gamble with".

Sherri wants to go see James Van Praagh, one of the guys that supposedly talks to those that have passed. She watches it every morning. We both realize it's probably a crock... but that little glimmer of chance... to think someone is talking to her and telling us that she is watching us... wouldn't hurt, would it?

Vegas Baby

Vegas visit is going well. I am staying with my brother, in his new first home, made possible by the money left to us by Mom. She would be so proud of him, it's a gorgeous home set up in the mountains of Vegas. Yet I know he'd live in a refrigerator box if it meant having Mom back. We all would.

My brother makes me laugh until I hurt. He's got Mom's sense of silliness mixed with Dad's wit. By this time next year he will likely be in Hollywood making a name for himself. He's been busy pulling his life together and now it's time for him to pursue his dream. Ok, it's my dream too... Eddie calling me up, "Teen, I'm gonna fly you out next week for this party at George Clooney's house in the hills." I told him to hurry up and make it happen before I'm old and decrepid, since that possibility IS getting closer every day that passes.

I am only down about $10 on the gambling front. I love playing the nickel video poker machines at the Hard Rock - mainly becouse they crank excellent music throughout the casino and it's small and cozy. I'm hoping we get to stop there one more time tonight. I got one more $20 with their name on it, then I'm done.