Leaving Las Vegas

Ok, I'm not leaving Las Vegas yet, I'm leaving FOR Las Vegas - today (that damn insomnia again!!). Woo Hoo! Broke open Piggy and counted up $67 worth of gamblin loot. If I hit the megabucks, you can bet your mega-ass I won't be coming back!

I'm mainly going because my brother Eddie (Spaghetti) is getting married on Sunday. His fiance (who he calls "Skippy" so much, I'm lucky I know her real name is Christina), is living there at the moment. They met there when they both worked at the Star Trek exhibit. I never thought my brother (who was a total skank from age 13 to age 30) would find a woman who would put up with him let alone marry him, but he has.

Ah, the memories of my brother's days as a teen hearthrob, which ultimately led to his days as a male slut... In high school, I walked down the hallway and saw, written across 28 lockers, "Eddie A is mint!". I'd often sit down at a desk in one of my classrooms to find "Tanya loves Ed" or "Susan [heart] Eddie" scribbled on it. I made friends because they wanted to meet my brother. I was considered stuck-up because, even though I was shy, I had a popular brother so my shyness was mistaken for conceit. I'd answer the phone 10 times a day - it was always a girl for him - and it was often a girl he didn't even know. When he was a bit older and living in Las Vegas, I'd be out for a visit and proceed to meet many of the seemingly endless conquests of this boy. Sometimes "hitting it" with 3 different girls in a day (though, in his words, ALWAYS wearing a "Jimmy Hat"). Oh yeah - and it was always fun when we'd be out and he'd spot some hotties and then find some way to mention that I was his sister - so they'd know he was available. That was always fun. But for the last two years, the boy has been perfectly loyal and very happy with Skippy, his little "piggy-nose" girl.

Now that I've aired my brother's dirty laundry online (thank goodness he doesn't have the URL =), I just want to say that he and Skippy are great together. I love them both very much and know that they will have a long, happy, fun, witty, romantic, loving marriage.

Hoo Hoo Hoo

Oh, and apparently, in the Poohsonality test that Jenny led us to, I'm an Owl. Which basically means I think I know it all and I am prepared to tell others all about it. So apparently I should tell Joel that of course there are Poohs and Piglets in the world, they're just not together enough to go online and take poohsonality tests.

To Sleep Perchance to Dream

I think I have insomnia. It is 1:15am and I am not the least bit tired. To the contrary, I feel as though I could run a marathon right now (if it weren't for my bad back, bum knee and the fact that after approximately 45 seconds of running, I'd want to lay down and die).

I just called Daniela in San Francisco but my phone croaked. It's the only nice thing about having a friend so far away - it's still early there when it's the middle of the night here and I'm wide awake and want to talk. Other than that, it SUCKS that she's so far away. =(

She probably thinks I use the dying phone excuse to end my calls, definitely not - just time for a new phone. We were SUPPOSED to have the kind of battery that you could recharge at any time, leave it charging, etc. etc. etc. HAH! Call me sucker. After 15 minutes of talk time - or much less if it's been left off the charger - BEEP... BEEP... BEEP, then it dies, and the only other phone in the house is upstairs in the bedroom next to Chuck's sleeping ear. I not only need a new phone, I need a few new phones, one for every room in the house. This will be my mission when I get back from all my travels.

For now, I will try to doze off while reading the new issue of Cosmo and hope that after reading "Make Him ALL Yours" and "Cosmo Celebrates Australian Men" that I dream of making Heath Ledger, Russell Crowe, and what the heck, throw Mel Gibson in there for good measure... ALL mine. Ah, a girl can dream, can't she?

(the sad part about it is, making these men "ALL mine" would probably mean using them to clean my kitchen for me... =)

Friday Night and the Weekend's Here

[Intro music] Heeeyyy Mr. DJ keep playin' that song, on and on and on [end music]. Well, Friday came and went and it was FUN. First we had the Halloween party. The big hit was Jo's icky food Mr. Kreeps story - you know, the kind of thing where you put food items in a box and people reach in and they feel like body parts? It was wild - toes (little pickles), fingers (french fries with almonds for fingernails), intestines (ramen noodles)... a brain (I think Jo actually went and got a brain from a butcher... just kidding, she had a jello mold). There were many squeals and squirminess, then we let the kids try and they were a little less impressed ;)

Then Abby and I hit the Bug Jar to hear Tony DJ. I wasn't going to dance but I had hit the sauce (Abby drove =) and was feeling pretty good, so I just followed Ab and Andy out to the dance floor and didn't stop for 2 hours straight! Woo hoo, let me tell you, I was feeling the burn Saturday... I felt like I'd done 4 step classes in a row. I probably look like a dweeb, but I have such a good time dancing. I hadn't been dancing since Abby's birthday party (when she hit the sauce ;), so it was a welcome night out. Big thanks to Ab for being DD and taking care of me =) I'll consider Friday a warm up evening to get ready for VEGAS - yeah, baby. "There's no sleeping in Vegas. "

Road Rage

I know this isn't the politically correct thing to say, but I can certainly see how easy it is to become insanely angry and want to choke a fellow driver. Case in point: I'm driving home last night on 390 South, the speed limit is 65, the car in the right lane is going 60 so I cut over to the left, where the truck in the left lane is also going 60 [anger starts]. I drive relatively close to get the point across that I'd like to get by so I can go AT LEAST the speed limit [boil, boil]. The truck starts to speed up a bit, finally getting by the other 'Pocahontas' but does not cut over to the right [seeth, seeth]. They finally cut over the the right lane and I think, "woo hoo, I can finally pass this pokey." [slight relief]. I seem to be having a hard time getting by them though... I look down at my speedometer and am just starting to teeter above 70 [anger resumes]. I think, "what's the deal here, I should've flown by this tortoise", when it hits me, the MORON who had to drive 60 in the LEFT lane for 5 miles all of a sudden feels the need to drive 75 [full on Road Rage]. AAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!! I'm not saying I want to hurt the guy in any way, but I would LOVE the opportunity to point out to him why he is the biggest IDIOT on the planet at that moment!

I feel that everyone should be issued paint ball guns so when someone's driving like a complete 'swipe, you can pull out your Glidden Gun and fire away. The paint washes off, but is a temporary message to other drivers that the driver did something dippy that day.

Now I'm not saying I'm an angelic driver, I've been know to call myself an a**hole and I'm sure I'd find myself a target now and then, but for the most part I keep it real.

Pick a Winner

Millie has become fascinated with images of nose picking, so I thought I'd contribute to the cause. You have to admit, it does tickle the funny bone a bit to see someone tickling the nasal cavity (as long as they don't wipe it anywhere you might have to sit someday).

As much as I hate to admit it, this is my brother Adam. I have a strange family...

Fun with Pictures

Well, now that I'm finally putting pictures up, I thought I'd post my picture from my cameo appearance in the South Park movie. I haven't told many people about it, I don't like to brag, but while I was out in LA two years ago I was overheard by the director saying the F-word and the rest is history...

Catch Up

I haven't blogged in QUITE a while so I have some catching up to do. I don't want to ramble incessantly, so I will try to make it short and sweet. Here's an overview of the weekend.

• Finished Javascript training, hope I get to use it before I lose it.
  
• Went to see "Best in Show" - was the funniest movie I've ever seen (not necessarily the best movie, but definitely had the most laughs per minute than any other.) More on that later perhaps.
  
• Had breakfast with Abby on Park ave and walked around a bit. Abby makes me smile.
  
• Got "Baliage" done to my hair, which apparently is a fancy ass way of saying "highlighted". Didn't have to wear that ludicrous shower cap with holes in it where they use a crochet hook to pull hair through. I had this done once and right at the moment I looked my worst, like a homicidal cancer patient, my cousin Mark walked in and saw me. I think it took all his strength not to bust out laughing. Nooo, Baliage is much more sophisticated, they "paint" your hair (now there's a revolutionary concept). I did have to wear a big ball of saran wrap over my head for a while, but to be completely honest, it actually looked kind of cute.
  
• Shopped a bit more, got one of Daniela's birthday presents. I miss her dearly.
  
• Carved pumpkins at Jenny's - enticed significantly by the promise of two of my absolute favorite foods (though the list is pretty long), brie and pumpkin pie. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm......
  

Ok, that's about it for the weekend...

Bleh

So we got free lunch. I'm not excited as I sound. Sweet & Sour Chicken over a bed of white rice - a 6 on a scale of 1-10. Sandwiches - didn't have one. Pizza - a 2 on a scale from 1-10.

I used to firmly believe in the phrase I saw on a t-shirt when I was in 6th grade, "sex is like pizza, when it's good, it's good, and when it's bad, it's still good." Of course at the time, I didn't know anything about sex but I sure knew about pizza {so I ran out and had sex immediately}. Well I eventually learned that the phrase wasn't true for sex (not to bad-mouth sex, it's been good or better 99.235% of the time), but I had yet to prove the same about pizza... until today. Today it has been proven.

{} = just kidding

Oh, and I think I'm going to hurl from eating too much. Combine "food" with "free" and I'm in deep trouble - or in javascript:

var free = true
var food = true

If (x && y)
{
alert("tina bokes");
};

sooooooooooooo tired... need more caffeine...

oooooooh, they'll be cooookieeees this afternoon...

Learn, Dammit

Natalie, Corey, Mike and I are in Javascript class today, but to be honest, the best part is the free food! Oh, gotta go, we're starting....

Bjork Movie = BAD

To put it bluntly, I thought the Bjork movie sucked. Bjork's acting and singing was wonderful, but not great enough to make me appreciate the pain in my butt (literally) from sitting through it for almost two and a half hours. It wasn't funny, it was frustrating, it went on and on forever, and they did that shakey camera thing that nearly made Jenny throw up on the shoes of the rude woman she had to pass to get out of the theater. The woman told her, "next time make your friends move". I still think Jenny should have said, "oh really, well maybe I... blehhhhh blehhhh blehhhhhhhhh" and boked on her. Oh well. Now THAT would have made going to the movie worth it! =) I do think that if they condensed the movie down by about an hour, it might have been good.

I still prefer a comedy over all movies. I want to laugh dammit, is that so wrong? I don't want to be faced with any depressing realities - or depressing fantasies for that matter - when I go to the movies. There's enough crap in this world - I want a movie to make me forget all of it and laugh, laugh, laugh. Let's just say that if you could actually laugh your ass off, I'd be looking pretty good right now.

If you want to see a GREAT movie that makes you laugh, go see "Almost Famous", it's a wonderful film - lighthearted, not too deep, but FUNNY. I also hear (firsthand from a lady in line at the Toronto Film Festival) that "Best in Show" will have you constantly cracking up. That movie opens next week. I WILL go see it and I WILL laugh.

Nothing to Say

I haven't blogged in a while, perhaps I have nothing to say. I know, you're all shocked! I guess my plan to do more exciting things so that I have good blogger is not working out.

Stayed in last night and rented a movie. We watched "The Straight Story". I couldn't take it. I know that makes me seem horrid since it got a perfect 10, but I really couldn't stand the way Sissy Spacek was talking. I never even really figured out why she talked like that. I've never in all my life ever encountered, either in person or on tv (real tv), someone who talked like that - retarded or not. "Eh, Dad? Eh, do you think you could run to the library and grab me a copy of The Existentialism of the Post Feminine Man? Eh, ok Dad?" Sorry, it didn't sell me.

This morning I watched "Bedrooms and Hallways". It's the story of a gay man who eventually realized he's actually in love with a woman. Was that written by a straight man or what?!!

Well, gotta go get ready to head out to the movies. As Jenny says, "Bjork Bjork Bjork" =)

The Web Frightens Me

Ok, so I'm trying to be all cool and finally post a graphic. So I go looking for a picture of a circus peanut from the search box on iWon.com (which they should rename youWillNeverWinCrap.com). I enter "circus peanuts" and it pulls up many websites that don't appear to get me what I want. Well, the iwon search mechanism also pulls up a list of what it deems as the "most popular direct hits" - and on that list I see a link for "candy samples". I think, "JACKPOT - FREE CANDY!!!!"

So here I am, sweet, innocent thing and resident candy addict, clicking on a link that I think will reward me with many opportunities to scam free candy, when, "whooaaaa, what is this I'm seeing?" A link for Busty Vixens of the 50's, 60's & 70's. " What's going on here?" I wonder.

Oh my GOD, I'm horrified! Turns out Candy Samples is the name of some old time tramp. My innocent search for free candy has lead me into the world of porn on the web (ok, we're not talking whitehouse.com here, but we're not talking Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory either).

What next, searching on the term cuddly puppies will give a link to bigBoobs.com? The web frightens me.

More on the Mowing

Joel basically called me a wuss for complaining about having to mow in my Friday blog. Here's his exact quote: "I mow, and it ain't no self-propelled pansy-assed mower either." Now I don't know why or how Joel came to the conclusion that I'm some little princess who daintily climbed upon her John Deere and mowed the lawn in 15 minutes, but that is definitely not the case. The only self-propelling going on was through the use of my thighs (uh, oh, book comment). I was not mechanically assisted in any way. It took me over an hour, even though I was going at Marion Jones speed. All this on a Friday night. So, dammit, I deserve a small bit of sympathy Joel!

Hell on Earth

Today was horrible, I got stuck in a meeting through lunch. We're not talking grab some food and let's meet during lunch hour, that's bad enough. NO, this was a 10:30-11:30 meeting that went right on through until after 1 - over 4.5 hours without food - uuuughhhhh, the horror.

I began to picture everyone's head as a steaming hot roasted turkey. I also began to babble incoherently. I was reviewing a user interface and I think I might've said, "if you add a button that says GO TO MASH POTATOES it will greatly improve the usability of the software."