Grinchy

Ok, I know I'm feeling Grinchy today but for some reason, after many many years of watching Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, today I just could not suspend my disbelief.

It was all fine, until Rudolph returned to Christmas Town, found out his parents and Clarice had been gone for months looking for him... then seems to know exactly where to look for them... and within no time, finds them in the clutches of the Bumble, about to be eaten.

OK, they've been gone for MONTHS but Rudolph HAPPENS to find them JUST at their moment of PERIL. And if that's not stretching it enough... Yukon Cornelius and Hermie also HAPPEN to arrive at Bumble's cave JUST at Rudolph's moment of PERIL to save everyone.

And I'm sorry, but given Bumble's SIZE differential, I think they'd STILL be afraid of him, teeth or no teeth. I'm sure he could still GUM them into little pieces should he so desire. I've seen my grandmother eat without her teeth and she still manages to put away chicken wings.

... And then there's Santa's 50 pound weight gain in 1 day. OK, I've had my pigout days, but with 3300 calories needed per pound, that's definitely impossible.

... but I do love the "Charlie in the Box"... and that they save the misfit toys... and King Moonrazer is so kindhearted and handsome...

ok, I can't do it. I can't be grinchy about Rudolph. I LOVE Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer!

Attack of the 50 Foot Baby

Girlie is crawling like crazy, especially to get things she shouldn't have (like the camera).

She also loves to pull herself up to standing and will crawl over to us for a boost.

NPR had a great story about music for kids (not your typical heads, shoulders, knees & toes type songs).

They played the Wee Hairy Beasties, a group of former punk rockers. They have a song about Tiny the Newt... it's a 13 second song.. and I've had this funny line stuck in my head for days:

"I got a newt named Tiny, he's Tiny 'cause he's my newt"

heh heh, my newt - minute... heh heh.

Gotta get it for Little L.

Crazy Jumperoo Kid

Lauren in her jumperoo, aka, pooperoo - as it gets things moving...

Trying my first YouTube video blog... Lauren fake giggling...



PS... finally uploaded some more pics

I know everyone's probably in crazy shopping mode - except for you few nuts who are done with your holiday shopping - so I thought I'd post again one of my favorite sites for finding deals and coupon codes - Style For Free.

PS - let me rant that those Black Friday early bird specials really piss me off. It's so unfair to us night owls. For once I'd like to see a store have a ridiculously good sale from 11pm to 3am ONLY!! I'd so be there!

Bad Blogger

Girlie is doing great. Crawling. Babbling. Tipping the scales at 16.5 pounds!

I will do my best to keep this blog up to date!

Jenny found it very amusing that this turbo tortoise was named Tina.

It's not the first time. When I was taking an Macromedia Director class at RIT, there was an entire semester where "Tina the Turtle" was in a new sample program each week.

Kazakhs are Cute

When in Toronto, we watched the Borat movie. It was so wrong, but hilarious. It didn't really need to be about a real country, most people seeing the movie probably don't even realize that it is... but that doesn't stop the Kazakhs from getting ticked...

Today I caught a bit of an NPR story about how the country is responding to the movie... part of which included Ten Borat "Facts" that embassy spokesman Roman Vassilenko is disputing... my favorite being this one:

Borat says: The traditional Kazakh beverage is fermented horse urine.
Vassilenko says: The traditional Kazakh beverage is fermented horse milk.

OK, I'm not sure they should have responded to that because any kind of fermented milk just sounds gross.

Oh, and Vassilenko is pretty damn cute, so just having his picture up on NPR should be a boost for Kazakhstan PR.

I'm having trouble deciding what to dress Littl L up as for her first Halloween. This is a big decision. You can't go back.

I think I'm partial to the lobster costume, though I'm not sure why... but I also like this very cute shark costume... "Knock, Knock. Who is it? Candygram".

I think we will get her a guitar, then the lobster costume and call her "ROCK LOBSTER!"

Squidsoap

This Squidsoap is ingenious... not only is it a really cute soap dispenser, but it puts a little ink mark on the kids hand when they press it... the ink mark washes off after about 10-15 seconds, so the grubby little germballs wash their hands well enough.

I'm going to get one for my grubby little germball niece, Mya! And when my own little germball is older, you can believe she will be getting inked.

When I had time, a while back, to actually surf the internet, I found some great sites for really cool baby clothes. I haven't ordered anything yet, but I will.

I found these ones, that I find especially funny, at THE Retro Baby, MY Retro Baby, and at Jolie's online.

Little L got a tooth! She was super cranky last week, then a spec of white showed up bottom right. I don't think the crankiness is over, I'm sure the bottom left isn't far behind.

This kid definitely takes after me, she loves to sleep late (slept well even through the pain of teething) and she's definitely going to be a foodie - any other time she looks off at other things, but if you're eating something, suddenly you are intriguing and worthy of her attention. Pizza and beer seem especially interesting to her. At first this frightened me, but then I realized... she will be well prepared for college.

The film fest was great, one of the best years in terms of movies. We lucked out and got to see Borat... it was so wrong, yet so right. There were no close encounters of the Colin kind, but seeing Will Ferrell and Zack Braff within yards was exciting.

And the crepes, my GOD, the crepes! I'm almost ready to drive 3 hours just to get a crepe.

We are going to the Toronto Film Festival this weekend, I think it's our 6th year. It's the one time I have a little more luck spotting celebs, as opposed to when I'm in LA. Like a few years back, when I SPLURGED for 1 night at the Mondrian, a celeb hotspot hotel, in hopes of getting on an elevator with a Cindy Crawford or a Johnny Depp. Nope. Here's my luck - shopping on Melrose and Danny Bonaduce walks by. Mind you, this was BEFORE his come-back with his reality show and before he and his wife started selling this really cool clothing, Countess Couture. My younger sis-i-law didn't even know who he was. Later that night, at the Skybar, I was sure I there'd be A-list elbow rubbing. Nope. Guess who's there... Danny Bonaduce!!

But in Toronto two years ago, we had the ultimate encounter. Colin Firth, my favorite actor, was suddenly three feet away, waiting to be seated at the restaurant we were at! And he looked at us, probably to see what we had eaten and if it looked appetizing. I always try to sneak a peek at other people's food. Anyway, he is adorable and it was so exciting to see him so close. We later saw his film Trauma, which was excellent too.

I wish this were him on the phone with ME, enjoying our banter immensely.

I too, like Jenny, am very excited about the launch of the Kodak blog - A Thousand Words.

What Jenny doesn't say in her post is how much she did to bring this baby to life. She not only set such a great example with the success of her blog, but she worked tirelessly to document, design, promote, administer, coordinate, tweak, present, setup, educate... and many other things... to help make this happen.

I am proud of Jenny and I know everyone will LOVE her posts. I'm ready to ride that coat tail straight to Martha's house for brunch =)

I have been tagged by Jenny. Here are the rules:

List 5 weird things about yourself or your pets or your kids*. Tag 5 friends and list them. Then, those people need to write on their blogs about 5 weird things, and state the rules, and tag 5 more people. Don’t forget to let the people you tag know by posting a comment on their blog!

*Jenny changed it to include offspring, because I don't currently have any pets, but I have a child that I like to dress up like an animal.

1) Lauren has over 40 little red dots (hemangiomas) all over her body. We call her various nicknames, like "Dotty", "Little Red Dotting Hood", and "Red Buttons". Someday I will tell her that they were kisses from her Guardian Angel, Grandma Barbie.

2) I have issues with belly buttons. I don't like to touch them and barely like to think about them. I was in my 30's before I could even SAY belly button out loud.

3) Ironically, Lauren has a herniated belly button. It's like a little balloon. But after some time, I've grown used to it... maybe even a little fond of it. But thank GOD it should go away when she's about two. Otherwise, I'm going to start saving for umbilicoplasty.

4) Lauren makes this wierd noise, kind of like the sound of static - "kghkghkghkgh"

5) We have a little video monitor on which we watch Lauren in her crib. The camera has a little green light on it, so she looks directly at it a lot. It makes her eyes look solid black, so she looks like a little alien baby. Then she makes her "kghkghkghkgh" sound into the camera. We are greatly entertained by this.


I’m tagging:
1. Lisa
2. Greta
3. Lucky Olive
4. Tinybaby
5. Bean of Hope

Ode to Pluto

Pluto, Pluto, how can it be
They stripped you of your title
why can't they see
that you will always be a planet to me

Jenny got me hooked on the show Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe, a show on Discovery Channel where he goes and does, well, dirty jobs. I didn't watch it initially because it just looked too gross. Bugs and sewage and stuff. But the more Jenny talked about how funny he is, and made me watch the HILARIOUS episode on harvesting big clams called geoducks (gooey-ducks), the more I felt compelled to watch it. In the new episode he shaved Alpacas. They spit on him, too funny.

I went to the website and took the What Dirty Job Suits You test. I got these results:

You dabble in the depths of disgust, but only after making sure that no one is watching you. You are torn between your natural instinct to get down and dirty, and society's rules of order and decorum. In other words, you are likely to pick, scratch or rub in the privacy of your own home, but never in the light of day.

CAREER RECOMMENDATIONS: Long-haul trucker. Strange uncle or aunt.

Hubby says that's good - I ALREADY am a strange aunt.

Jenny appropriately bought Lauren a little tee that says "LITTLE SLEEPY HEAD"at Old Navy this weekend.

I went picture crazy again, more pics are up

I wish I had a pet so I could tattoo it.

On thursday my Sis and Mya (my 4 year old niece) decided to put a fake tattoo on Lauren. The conversation with my niece went something like this:

Mya: we put a tattoo on Wauren
Me: What?!
Mya: it's a baby bu-er-fwy
Me: uh oh, Uncle Charlie might not be too happy about that
Mya: it's just a reawy tiny tattoo
Me: I know, but Uncle Charlie (abruptly cutoff)
Mya: BYE

We were watching tv Saturday morning when, in the background, I heard a familiar song... I started singing to Lauren as she began crying...

What's-a matter you? Hey! Gotta no respect. Hey!
What-a you think you do? Hey!
Why you look-a so sad? Hey!
It's-a not so bad. Hey! It's-a nice-a place.
Ah, shaddap-a you face!

Hubby was astounded, "You know the words? You've heard this song before?"

I thought everybody knew the Shaddupa You Face song. Maybe just Italians? Either way, I'll teach it to him because it's alot of fun to sing, especially to a crying half-Italian baby.

Quite a few years ago, my Mom bought my Gram a Cabbage Patch doll. We were visiting Gram this weekend. Lauren met "Johnny". She was confused. Was it a mirror? Was it her twin? Was it her new boyfriend? Someday we'll tell her the truth about "Johnny".

I became a Peetnik today. It's Jenny's fault. She got me hooked on Peet's Major Dickason's coffee when she innocently brought me back some as a souvenier from her trip to CA last month. So as I ran out, I found myself in dire straights. But now I'm a Peetnik, so it will all be ok. I will have the coffee delivered to me automatically each month. Whew!

If only Jamba did the same thing. Yet another thing Jenny got me addicted to, among many others... her home-made Bugogi... Lay's Lime & Cracked Pepper Potato Chips... I thought they'd be gross, but they were YUM YUM YUM. Then my sis came over and was dipping them in tuna fish. Again, I thought "super-gross", but tried it and BINGO, another top 10 food addiction.

Jenny also did the near impossible, got me to like salad. She found a secret weapon - Emerald Nuts Glazed Walnuts - throw them on some lettuce with some Craisins and Honey Balsamic Vinegar dressing - and it's a salad I really like, not just feel socially obligated to eat.

There are many others, too numerous to mention. I suppose I've done the same to her... we're always excited to go to a city with a Cheesecake Factory and chow down on the likely-laced-with-crack Chicken Madeira! And going west always means we start singing our favorite little ditty, "In-n-Out, In-n-Out Burger, In-n-Out, In-n-Out Burger"...

Little L is getting so strong, she is already trying to sit up on her own, so I ordered her a Bumbo chair. I hope it comes soon, I can't wait to see the little one try it out. I hope she doesn't flop forward and do a face plant.

I'm reading this book called Secrets of the Baby Whisperer : How to Calm, Connect, and Communicate with Your Baby. I figured if the Dog Whisperer can help so much, this might be a good read. Bottom line: babies need structure. So I'm trying to follow the author's E.A.S.Y. plan - Eat. Activity. Sleep. You (as in ME time, which is a joke, because ME time usually involves doing laundry, dishes, or, if I'm lucky, actually washing my hair).

We were doing pretty good with the E.A.S.Y. plan on Sunday until, just as I was about to give Little L a bath (an Activity), hubby called - his truck had crapped out nearly in the middle of a major intersection. I had to pack up the kid and drive out to get him. $650 later, his truck is fixed, for now. Little L took it all in stride though, not too much Birth Control Crying out of her.

This is what they do to my child at my sister's house.

For the last two mornings, Lauren has cried for the entire half-hour morning commute. The ear-piercing Birth Control Cry. Last week she was falling asleep within moments of the rubber hitting the road. This week, she is putting me on the highway to hell.

She's also comes home from my sister's smelling like food. The other night, she smelled like a donut. It was so distinct, it nearly sent me into a Krispy Kreme frenzy.

The following night, it was still a donut, but this time a chocolate donut. Yet another near desperate trip to K.K.

And yesterday, I am positive she smelled like buttered toast.

I'm sure my sister has not been cooking donuts in vats of boiling oil while caring for three kids. I'm also pretty sure that she didn't make SO much toast that it infiltrated my child's pores. So I ask myself, am I a food halucinator? And is Lauren the trigger? What is happening here?

Today she smelled like buttercream frosting. Really.

This is how great Jenny is (and how lucky I am to have her as my BFF) - she came over to our house the other night and made US dinner. She brought all the fixins for Chicken Quesadillas and smoothies, took over the kitchen, and cooked up a storm. Everything was delicious (especially the smoothies made with Peach sorbet) and we were very happy to have a normal dinner as opposed to Special K or Kashi Good Friends (hubby's usual dinner of choice).

Then we had the leftovers the next night.

I am going to start calling Jenny "Gemmy" because she is a true gem.

Forgot to tell everyone that Little L is over 10 pounds! She's an eater, just like her Mom. She's also a TV watcher like me, I mean she really gets mesmerized. Maybe it's because I watched so much TV while she was in the womb - while I was in the hospital - that it's very comforting to her. She'll be demanding TiVo by the time she is 3.

Lauren had to have a pH probe put in today to see how bad her reflux is. I don't think she really needed it because she's been alot better the last week or two, but the dr. wanted to go ahead.

So she had to have this wire tube thing down her nose into her esophogas and wear little arm restraints so she couldn't pull it out. It has to stay in for 24 hours. Things at the hospital always take so long that not only is the kid extremely agitated by being poked and prodded, she's starving.

So she was SCREAMING bloody murder - the Birth Control Cry - and would NOT be consoled. I nearly had a nervous breakdown. The harder she cried, the more I began to cry.

Why can't I act like the over-35 adult that I should be? My therapist and I are working on that.

The new season of Entourage started last week, so of course I was tuned in to HBO, since Jeremy Piven has been a favorite of mine since PCU.

After Entourage, the show Lucky Louie came on. I didn't intend to start watching it - I REALLY don't need another show to be addicted to, but I found it HILARIOUS. Quite raunchy, but very funny. Then I saw him (Louis C.K.) on the Daily Show and he had me rolling, so now I'm hooked on yet another tv show. Thank God for DVR.

What is it about guys catching crabs that is so enthralling? I love watching Deadliest Catch. I think I most enjoyed seeing the sheer number of crabs... and then imagining them cooked and dipped in butter. Mmmm.

It's over for the season, but I'm sure I'll even watch the reruns.

Jenny picked up Stewie today. I was very happy to see Jenny, but sad to see Stewie go. He is a unique little pickle, that one. A cat that acts like a well behaved dog. OK, well behaved UNTIL last night, when he jumped on the counter and got the package of rolls. There was only one left. He managed to get it out of the plastic bag, then drag it over to the living room and chew it up, leaving crumbs everywhere. Yes, a CAT ate a HARD ROLL. Not a can of tuna, not a block of cheese, a hard roll, unbuttered.

I forgave him though and invited him back anytime. He's a great snuggler.

I've been trying to sing songs to Little L and am having a hard time remembering the lyrics to some of my favorites from my childhood. Thank goodness for the internet. I think I'm going to have to print all the songs from this site.

Here are some of my other favorites, remember these?

On Top of Spaghetti
Found a Peanut
Baby Bumble Bee (with my aversion to bees, this was one of my favorites)

Little L had her 4 month checkup this week. Weighed in at 9lbs 5oz and probably has gained even more since.

I am gearing up to go back to work. My sister is going to watch Lauren, which is great. Not that it will be a nice serene setting for Little L, her cousins are little hellions (aren't all 4 and almost-2 year olds?) so they will keep it interesting.

Mya doesn't quite say her l's yet, so she calls Lauren "Warren". It is so funny. I now call her Warren sometimes too. I'm sure she'll love that when she's older. Better than calling her Little Red Dottinghood, since she is covered in Hemangiomas. Yes, my child looks normal in her cutsie little clothes, but underneath she has the big dipper in red dots on her torso and a herniated belly button - or more accurately - a belly balloon. She's a freak child underneath her clothes!

More pics are up too - http://www.kodakgallery.com/tina

Stewie has been a very good houseguest, aside from the attack on my plants. He doesn't like to hear Lauren cry - he goes to her (even busting in to her bedroom at one point) and checks on her. Once he seems assured that she is ok, he wanders away. I have been nervous about keeping him out of her room, afraid I'll find him curled up on her face, but he listens so well and comes when he's called, so he's easy to keep track of.

Jenny & Aaron's kitty Stewie is at our house this week. He is a very sweet and funny cat who I believe thinks he is a dog. I especially find it amusing when he walks up to a sleeping Chuck and "chuff, chuff", sniffs him VERY LOUDLY. You would think Chuck rubbed catnip on his face. And then there was the toilet incident. Stewie fell in. I made sure he was OK, then I cracked up laughing.

OK, I got the Next Food Network Star guess right (Guy), but I was totally wrong about my pics for American Idol, Top Chef, and American Inventor.

As for the AI finale...
...still convinced Chris is way better than the rest
...was Toni Braxton stoned?
...Meatloaf has aged surprisingly well
...only an ubur geek could make Clay Aiken look sexy
...Prince? Prince! Prince!
...Soul Patrol!

As for the Top Chef finale...
...well, what can you say about food you didn't get to taste? Actually, I'm glad I didn't get to taste it - I'll definitely pass on the squid ink stuff, gross!

What am I going to watch now? I guess I'll have to give in and watch So You Think You Can Dance?

Little L

Little L,
originally uploaded by tostina.

This is Lauren looking at herself in the mirror. I think she likes what she sees, though I'm sure hoping for more hair.

I posted more pics at my EasyShare Gallery.

Messy Boy

Messy Boy,
originally uploaded by tostina.

Sis was over with the kids yesterday and gave Tyler one of my gooey brownies. Thank God SHE was cleaning him up, not me!

I like the contrast of the chocolate against his blue eyes.

I ordered this video baby monitor from Target. It is so cool. I'm not sure why it is so fun to be in another room watching your baby on a little monitor, but it is strangely entertaining.

I'm wondering if I can hook it up to my computer and make it into a webcam. Then I can not only spy on my kid, I can spy on any babysitters she might have.

Speaking of babysitters, as we were walking through the neighborhood I was on the lookout for girls with potential Lauren-babysitting-worthiness. Teenage girls in groups annoy the crap out of me. Oy, all the screaming.

Dave got voted off Top Chef today. He had really good food, but instead he's going to be famous for saying "I'm not your Bitch, Bitch" to Tiffani. And I firmly believe that they kept Tiffani (the "bitch) because they think it makes for good tv, because obviously her food was the worst last night.

I hate that the networks take some really compelling shows ideas and let the producers manipulate the contestants, the editing, and the results. That's why the nasty ass people make it through so far, because some jackass producer in tvland thinks it makes "better tv".

Don't they realize - from the success of American Idol - that not every viewer needs the drama and that we like to see nice people win? AI has more viewers than most of the manipulated shows put together. I mean, do they really need to show adult professional chefs acting like jealous school girls? NO. They need to let them cook. Do they really need to show models stealing each other's nutrition bars and threatening to beat each other up? NO. They need to let them don a mermaid outfit and hang upside down over a Thai canal and see who takes the best picture.

That's why I love DVR. I can fast forward through the crap.

Lately, Little L is not often smiling like this. Lately she is usually screaming bloody murder. I mean SCREAMING. Inconsolably. She has reflux and her meds don't seem to help enough. It is heartbreaking to not be able to make her feel better.

For some reason, probably because as a preemie it took awhile before she even made ANY noise, I thought she was going to be an angelic baby with little or no crying. Holy crap was I deluded.

WAAAAHHHHHH (that's me).

Luckily, she does have times during the day where she's awake, alert and NOT crying - and I am convinced that she is going to start laughing any day now. That will make my day, or rather my life!

Mother's Day. A difficult holiday. Exciting to be a new Mom. Still heartbreaking to be reminded that my Mom isn't here to share in this joy with me. And to add to it, my Father passed away on Mother's Day 15 years ago.

I tried not to think of the situation with the parents and enjoyed being spoiled with heart shape pancakes, relief from baby duties, and a gorgeous "mother/daughter" necklace.

It was funny to hear hubby say to Lauren - as she began crying - "now what did we talk about? We said we'd be good for Mommy today." How cute is that?

Over the last week, I managed to break two toilets in our house. The little string thing that pulls up the plug broke. My husband used this tone that insinuated that even though I've been flushing toilets for over 30 years, all of a sudden I've become a maniacle flusher.

Happy Birthday Jenny! Think Pink.

Jenny sent me a link to a site called tinyeyes - it shows you what your baby sees at different ages and distances.

This simulates how Lauren might see me from 6 inches away (I am always in her face). I put in an age of 4 weeks old, which is neither her real age (13 weeks) or her adjusted age (2 weeks) so I'm not sure how accurate it is, I just know I'm a fuzzy blob to her. Which is fitting, because I feel like a fuzzy blob most of the time anyway.

I ordered some skin care stuff from philosophy last week and got free samples of the Shear Splendor hair stuff. It included this hair marinade. It's an oil you rub into your hair, let it sit as long as possible, then wash out. It smells yummy and definitely made my hair softer. I love it! Did I mention it smells yummy? Definitely better than my more common smell as of late - Eau de Bebe Puke.

Oh, I uploaded more pix from week 11 and 12. http://www.kodakgallery.com/tina

Q: what makes you smell funny, breaks your heart, but feeds your human spirit?

A: an adorable little baby who pukes all the time, cries for no apparent reason, then smiles at you.

Lauren finally totally passed her ear exam this week! She won't be able to say, "what Mom? I didn't hear you tell me I couldn't go to the Metallica concert with Billy."

She is going for an Upper GI test in 2 weeks to make sure everything is normal with the digestive track system.

Her Physical Therapist came today so she got her weekly baby massage. Because she was so tiny at birth, she qualified for the New York State Early Intervention program that offers rehabilitation services for free. It's a great program. Too bad it doesn't cover the Mommies too, because I, on the other hand, had to shell out $75 to get my neck and shoulders massaged, since they are killing me from looking down at her.

Our second baby shower was yesterday - the one Jenny threw for us. It was fabulous, especially the favors and the pulled pork, mmm. Jenny is so damn creative and generous. I am so lucky. Sarah and Lisa also made the most adorable jungle animal cupcakes... and they were delicious too - I hoarded a few to take home.

Jenny also made an awesome picture - Lauren's name spelled out in photos of letters (I will post a picture soon). It will be a family treasure.

We got lots of other great things too, now I just need a bigger house for all Little L's stuff!

Little L, though doing pretty good, is still going to the eye dr every week, still not passed the hearing test on her right ear, still having reflux and spitup issues, still having lung/breathing issues (she's a periodic breather or something like that), has thrush, and is not gaining enough weight (a problem I wish I had). She has to go for an Upper GI in a few weeks to rule out any malformations of the gastrointestinal gear. I'm not too worried because I think she is spitty from her medicine.

She like to stare at the tv, which scares me, because I know she is genetically predispositioned to want to watch hours of E! Entertainment Television.

Why doesn't the media point out how Tom & Katie lied about their pregnancy? I remember when they first announced it she was supposedly 2 months behind me. I KNEW her bump was too big, she was showing as much as I was... then, a week later, the timeline changed by a month... then, sure enough, at some point, she caught up and viola, had her baby within days of my original due date! I KNEW it! LIARS!

Ah, remember the old days, when Tom Cruise seemed normal and attractive. Now he seems like a horse-toothed lunatic and I have no desire to see any of his movies. RUN KATIE, RUN! Get Suri a semi-normal life!

It makes me wonder... if I had loads of money, tons of adoring fans, and was recognized in every corner of the world, would I turn in to a wacko? Would I star in a movie with Jake Gyllenhaal, divorce my husband and within weeks, marry Jake only to have it annulled 2 months later? Would I spend more money on handbags than most people in third world countries see in their lifetime? Would I lose 40 pounds and have to use my ultra-expensive handbag, filled with cash and water bottles, to keep me from blowing away in a strong wind - and yet still claim not to have an eating disorder? Would I assault someone with my cell-phone? Would I change Lauren's name to Jamba?

I'd like to think I wouldn't.

I am so addicted to reality shows. But the competition-based and how-to-improve-yourself-or-your-kids ones, not necessarily the watch-us-live-together and either hate-each-other-or-have-sex kind (not that those aren't fun to watch either).

American Idol, Top Chef, Next Food Network Star, American Inventor... all on my Faux-Tivo.

Nanny 911, Supernanny, Honey We're Killing the Kids (or, as it could be more accurately titled, How Not to Raise Fat Lazy Ugly Kids), Shalom in the Home, What Not to Wear, 10Years Younger... all helping me to be a better dressed parent.



PS, here are my picks for the competition shows:

American Idol - Chris (gotta go with the Rocker this time)

Top Chef - Lee Ann

Next Food Network Star - Guy

American Inventor - The Un-brella