Froggy

Oh yeah, forgot to tell you about my voice. Saturday morning it went bye bye. I sounded worse than a young boy going through puberty. It was a bit freaky to lose my voice - made me realize that I truly am a chatty cathy. Of course it didn't stop me from talking, it only made it more painful for others to listen.

My voice is almost back to normal, now I just sound like Janis Joplin after chainsmoking for 20 years.

Hello, my name is Tina and I'm a Cosmetics Addict

Christmas came and went, without much ado. Calm, quiet, generous, and filling (oh yeah, and fulfilling too). I gave some great gifts and got some great gifts. I'm spoiled.

Hubby got me stuff from Skinmarket. I know, it sounds like a porn store. It's not. It's a store I found out west that has the yummiest of beauty goodies. Hair masques, shampoo, conditioner, lotions, body sprays, skin care, makeup, nail polish... all that smell good enough to eat! As I opened my gifts, the feeling of joy I felt when walking into this store for the first time came flooding back like an overflowing tub filled with mango-rasberry scented bath salts. Hubby wins the 'even-though-I'm-a-virgo-and-believe-in-practical-gifts-I-will-indulge- my-wifey-with-even-more-beauty-products-anyway' award!! I love that man.

I don't necessarily wear alot of makeup, but I certainly OWN alot. I love it! I love the way all those eyeshadows look inside that little drawer. All the pretty colors. So what if I actually only use one or two - I feel good just knowing I have them. Same goes for hair products. I have stuff to straighten my hair, stuff to curl my hair, stuff to tame the frizz, stuff to make it smell nice, stuff to make it shiny, stuff to make it thick, stuff to make it stay. Sometimes I use both the curl enhancer and the straightener just to see what happens. My hair looks different every day so I can't pinpoint what works well and what doesn't, so I just buy more to see if something new will work best.

There must be a name for this disorder. My brother would say, "yeah, it's called a shopoholic". Maybe.

Decorating Tips

In the spirit of the holidays, found this lovely little link to the new online MAD magazine. Click on the link for Christmas lights you may have missed.

Gluttony

Friday was my last hurrah (my most current last hurrah anyway) in the pigging-out department. I started out with a gigantic cappuccino (yum!), then got in to work and indulged in Lazypalooza (a junk food fest). I proceeded to eat everything imaginable: potato chips, cocktail weenies, tortilla chips with cheese, easy cheese and crackers, cheetos, pepperoni, cheesecake and last, but certainly not least, a krispy kreme for dessert. And after all that, I'll have to be honest and say that I was miffed no one brought in double stuff oreos.

My shame over eating so much led me to do a little surfing and I found this lovely little ditty, "those who commit the Sin of Gluttony are punished in Hell by being forced to eat rats, toads, and snakes". All I can say is, "Can I get some Dinosaur BBQ sauce and a side of fries with that?" as I wipe the sweat from my brow.

The Road to Recovery

Today I am recuperating from a weekend of dancing my a** off. For a 32-year-old, I can still groove like I'm 22, but I suffer more the next day. Friday night Tony dj'd at the Bug Jar and Abby and I danced for 3 hours straight. Then we turned around and did the same thing on Saturday night. I don't know how it is that I can dance for 3 hours straight with barely a bathroom break but at work I can't even climb one flight of stairs without sounding like the little asthmatic kid on "Malcolm in the Middle".

But the last hurrah (providing a good dose of junk-food-craving satiation) and all the dancing (hopefully equating to many burned calories) has finally, **I think**, gotten me on the track to eating better. I said 5 Hail Marys and started drinking lots of water again. I just hope nobody brings in Krispy Kremes this week because that little angel on my shoulder will knock someone down to get to a k.k. donut.

Catch Up

Is it a coincidence that I haven't blogged since my day at Krispy Kreme or an indication that I've been too busy eating donuts to blog? You figure it out.

Actually, the week flew by because "I wad bery sick ad was sleeping most of the tibe." I drank more tea last week than I've drank the whole previous rest of my life. I don't like tea, but it started to grow on me. Maybe I'll become a foo-foo tea drinker now, who knows (apologies to all you foo-foo tea drinkers).

When I finally felt better, I went to Abby's party. I couldn't drink (I was driving), so I did the next best thing - played games. I've realized that I get really wierd when I play games. I get aggressive, bossy and loud - very un-tina-like. I don't feel an urgency to win, I'm not too bad about that, but I feel this compelling need to have everyone follow the rules EXACTLY. Again, very un-tina-like as I'm usually pretty laid back with a do-whatever-makes-you-happy-as-long-as-no-one-gets-hurt attitude. But apparently not when it comes to games, then I become militant - "NO, it's YOUR turn and it's an ALL PLAY and you MUST get it RIGHT before you can MOVE, pay attention dammit!" I don't really like the game playing me, but I love to play games, so I guess I'll just have to work through that psychosis.

I also spent a total of 11 hours this weekend making cookies. Five at Sarah's house learning a secret family recipe for some of the yummiest cookies I've ever had. Six at home making sugar cookies and peanut butter blossoms for Cookiepalooza - a cookie fest/contest we had at work today. It turned out to be a pretty big waste of my time because Jenny, who I've renamed Martha Jr., blew the competition away with just about the cutest bunny and snowmen cookies you've ever seen. And to add salt to the wound, they tasted yummy too. I wanted to bite all their heads off. Just kidding, that would also be very un-tina-like.

Growing Girl

Well, as you can see from above, we had Cookiepalooza today. I ate many cookies. I'm growing - and not in a good way. Tomorrow I'm eating better, I swear. Just because there is a whole box of Krispy Kremes downstairs and two plates of cookies and tomorrow we're taking Sarah to lunch for her birthday, I swear I'll drink lots of water and eat light. I think I can, I think I can...

Yummy Yummy in my Tummy

Yep, got up at 4am to get in line for the grand opening of Krispy Kremes in Henrietta, NY (that's my excuse for the really bad hair too). I'll be honest, I didn't really do it for the donuts (heavenly though they are). I did it for the hype, the experience, the bonding, but most of all - for the free t-shirt. Jenny, Aaron, Joel, Tony and I got up while the rest of the world slept (except for the other loonies who went to Krispy Kreme) and took our place in line, making history.

To understand the significance of this accomplishment on my part, you must understand that I am much more likely to be going to sleep at 4am than getting up. You got it, I'm a night owl - and if left undisturbed, I can easily sleep 12-15 hours a shot - so it wasn't easy popping up way before the crack of dawn (would it be the feet of dawn or the neck of dawn then?). Anyway, it was a feat.

But it was all worth it, I now have a t-shirt that says "The Hot Light is on in Henrietta, NY". So is it just me, or does that sound perverted to you?

I also got a button that says "Hot Doughnuts Now" with a little red flashing light in the "o" of Hot. Yep, gonna wear that out to the clubs, that should garner me some interesting pickup lines. If I'm actually brave enough to do it, I'll be sure to blog the results.

Afflecktion Update

I know I haven't blogged in a while about Ben, but he has not yet escaped my realm, hard as he may try. I just haven't had time to tell you all about our crazy adventures. I did manage to see "Bounce" this weekend and catch Ben on "The Actors Studio", so the fantasy fodder has grown. After the love scene between him and Gwenyth was flashed before my face, never to leave my mind's eye, I can readily picture me and Ben rolling around. Still PG rated, but the insinuation is there. Woo Hoo. When I have more time, perhaps I will give you the details of what led up the rolling around - in a haystack, yeah, it was in a haystack....

The Afflecktion Continues

NOTE: If you haven't read the first Afflection installment, you really should read that first.

And all apologies to Chuck, my dear, sweet, loving husband, but this Afflecktion thing can't be helped and Dr. Ruth and Cosmopolitan says fantasizing is good for a marriage. I'm sure you've had many not-so-PG-rated thoughts yourself about Mariah Carey and Toni Braxton and Faith Hill and so on, and so on…

OK, that said, the fantasies continue:

{Scene: Me and Ben, out to see Shark Reef at Mandalay Bay, Friday evening}

Me: "Did you know that sharks never run out of teeth, they always have another set ready to go if one should be lost or pulled out by an overzealous scuba diver anxious to make a necklace?" [Ben chuckles.] "Sorry, can't help but spew useless facts about animals - I had 5 years of conditioning at the zoo."

Ben: "What do you like to do now that you don't spend all your free time at the zoo?"

Me: "Well, I have a great group of friends that I hang out with and my girlfriend Abby and I love to go dancing. Abby would love to meet you, she's a huge fan – she thinks you're a hottie. We should call her! Oooh, she totally won't believe it's you, she'll think it's Tony - the guy you met earlier - being a wise ass."

[We call Abby and Ben and Abby talk for a while... I'll let Abby fill in details for the phone call in her own mind ;) ]

Ben: "So, you like to go dancing? Me too. Have you been to Baby's at the Hard Rock?"

Me: "Oh yeah, we went last night! My posse took me out for my birthday, now that I'm finally old enough to drink." [Big wink to Ben, he realizes I am older than 21 but somehow understands that he shouldn't ask how old.] "We did some serious booty shaking. We headed over to Ra after that, at about 2, but they weren't letting people in – I think because you were in there."

Ben: "Oh yeah, I did some booty shakin of my own."

[I zone out for a minute, picturing Ben's booty shaking in my mind. His words pull me back to reality.]

Ben: "So it was you're birthday? Well you really should let me take you out dancing for your birthday."

Me: "I would love that, but I'm supposed to fly home tonight."

Ben: "Fly home? On a Friday night? Leave Vegas on a Friday night? Before the weekend? You'd have to be insane to do that!"

Me: "Yeah I know, I regretted the decision immediately after my ticket was cast in stone. I guess I just didn't want to have to leave my cat for too long. "

Ben: "You're such a bunny-hugger. I like that in a girl." [Ben winks back at me – I damn near melt.] "Now let's call the airline, get your ticket changed, I'll get you a room at the Hard Rock for tonight and tomorrow, we'll hang out tomorrow – you can take me to Krispy Kreme – and then I'll take you dancing tomorrow night and see just how good you can shake that booty, OK?"

Me: [Enthralled by the take charge attitude] "Well, how's a girl to refuse that offer? It's a damn good thing I'm not married! I'll just have to let my Mom know that I'll be home a few days later."

{Scene: Me and Ben, out dancing, Saturday evening}

Ben: "Wow, this DC4800 you got for me is the bomb. I can't believe you hooked me up. Let's have someone take our picture – but you'll have to come to my room and show me how to download the pictures onto my laptop."

Me: "Sure, no problem, I'll give you some lessons later…" [heart races even faster]



to be continued? Perhaps…

Afflecktion

I am obsessed with Ben Affleck. OK, not really obsessed with HIM, but obsessed with the fact that he was standing right there in front of me at the Kodak booth at Comdex. I had the perfect opportunity to have a NORMAL conversation, ONE-on-ONE interaction, potentially gather an email address out of it – and I BLEW IT!!!

What Actually Happened

Some background info: I had 2 hours sleep the night before (out celebrating my birthday). Ben had been at the Luxor the night before, didn’t see him, but he had signed some Bounce posters, so he was definitely in Vegas.

{SCENE SETTING: Kodak booth at Comdex, Friday, November 17th, approx. 1pm.}

[I’m typing away at a terminal, helping a customer – hair thrown up, wearing glasses and the ever present khaki pants and black Kodak shirt – i.e., not looking my best]

[Move scene to Tony, hamming it up with all passers by, standing with a tall, good looking man.]

Tony: "Tina, doesn’t this guy look like Ben Affleck?"

[I glance over, think the guy looks somewhat like Ben, but not overwhelmingly so. His hair is very short and he’s clean shaven, not the typical Ben Affleck look shown in the media… I notice that his Comdex pass is turned around and think that I should check the name on his pass]

Me: "Well, it could be him."

[I turn back, stare at potential-Ben, potential-Ben stares back with a look as if to say, "so do you think I’m HIM?", no words are exchanged, only a momentary stare. The next 15-30 seconds are fuzzy, then I look over just in time to see Ben walking away from the booth in a bit of a hurry, too far away now to get him back.]

The Aftermath

At first, I was not convinced it was him. I thought, if I saw Ben Affleck, I would KNOW it was Ben Affleck, how could I not recognize him immediately? But the evidence piled up:

- he was in Vegas on Thursday night
- through a web-board, I found out he was still in Vegas on Saturday night
- he was very tall and very cute
- Tony said his teeth were a bit crooked
- He had his pass turned around so no name was visible
- I find an article on the internet that says he’s a computer geek
- Ted tells me that he & a few acting buddies are trying to break into the online entertainment industry
- I’m cursed. I have the worst Karma when it comes to meeting or even seeing celebrities, so it would make perfect sense that I would blow a dream opportunity to have normal interaction with one of the most famous (and damn fine) guys on the planet.

The Afflecktion Starts

Once convinced that I missed the biggest opportunity of my life, my mind has been racing with nothing but thoughts of what could have been. I’ve been going through it over and over in my mind, with scenarios ranging from close to realistic, to elaborate unrealistic fantasies that don't take into account the fact that I’m happily married and allow me to think that Ben might actually have given me the time of day.

The realistic ones are pretty boring, but still would have been much better than what actually happened. I envision taking his picture, uploading it to the Picture Center, showing him how to put his face on a Panda bear, laughing with him, memorizing the email addresses as he sends a Picture This Postcard to Gwyneth, and saying "it was a pleasure meeting you."

The other fantasies are getting more and more intricate every day. Now mind you, my fantasies so far are mild, totally PG, no raunchy sexual stuff happening (though I’m pretty sure, with all the thinking I’m doing, that I’ll get to that eventually), they just involved detailed thoughts of how the interaction could have gone... they only lead to dinner… then I usually doze off by the time I get that far. I probably shouldn't even call them fantasies, more like day dreams.

What Could Have Happened (under no realistic circumstances)

Anyway, here’s one example of how I think it could have gone if 1) I had paid closer attention, 2) I wasn’t married, and 3) Ben would give me the time of day.

[I’m typing away at a terminal, helping a customer – hair thrown up, wearing glasses and the ever present khaki pants and black Kodak shirt – i.e., not looking my best]

[Move scene to Tony, hamming it up with all passers by, standing with a tall, good looking man.]

Tony: "Tina, doesn’t this guy look like Ben Affleck?"

[I glance over, think the guy looks somewhat like Ben, but not overwhelmingly so. His hair is very short and he’s clean shaven, not the typical Ben Affleck look shown in the media… I notice that his Comdex pass is turned around and think that I should check the name on his pass.]

Me: "Well, it could be him."

[I turn back, stare at potential-Ben, potential-Ben stares back with a look as if to say, "so do you think I’m HIM?", no words are exchanged, only a momentary stare.]

Me: "Hmmm, let me take a closer look. The hair is throwing me off a bit, but the cheekbones are right and the chin is right. Can I look at your badge?"

Ben: "Sure - Bob Fleck, good name, isn’t it?" [Ben quips, not admitting to either identity.]

Me: "One last thing, let me look at your hands."

[I take Ben’s hand in mine, holding it gently. Ben looks at me, he is unmistakably aware of my touch.]

Me: "Yes, these look to be the finely manicured hands of someone who’s appearance is important to their job – so you’re definitely not a computer programmer." [all laugh]

Me: "Well ‘Bob’," [I say sarcastically and give Ben a wink], "why don’t you let us take your picture, then use the Picture Center to turn you into a monkey."

Ben: "You can do that? Cool."

[I take Ben’s picture and make Tony take one of me with Ben. Wait, this is my fantasy right? Change that to: we take Ben’s picture and Ben insists on having me in a picture with him. Lots of joking and flirting ensues. We talk about animals and I tell him how I love animals and used to volunteer at the zoo… ]

Ben: "Have you seen the Shark Reef at Mandalay Bay? It's pretty awesome."

Me: "No, I’ve been meaning to get over there but I’ve been so busy I haven’t had time."

Ben: "Do you have some time after you finish today? – I’m staying there and I have free passes - I’d love to take you – and we can grab something to eat afterward."

Me [heart racing]: "I’d love that, I just need to change because there’s no way I’m going out in public dressed as Miss Kodak Computer Geek. I need to throw on my jeans."

Ben: "Ok, why don’t I pick you up at 6, is that enough time?"

Me: "Perfect, see you then."

[I go back to my hotel, put my contacts in, take my hair down and put on my jeans and a tshirt, nothing fancy, but a nice improvement over the booth garb. As I go outside, I see Ben hanging out of a limo. He’s looking at me, but I don’t think he totally recognizes me.]

Me: "Hey Ben, see anything else cool at Comdex?"

Ben: "Oh. Yeah, that Memory Stick thing was cool. Wow, I almost didn’t recognize you."

Me: "Yeah, I was incognito at Comdex."

[Here it starts to become blurry, less detailed. I envision laughter and sharing stories… then, maybe because I actually AM happily married, my mind doesn’t let me take it any further, besides, I don’t think it would be appropriate material for a public blog, but let’s just say my imagination is working harder each day.]

I'm Baaaaccckkkk

Ok, I've been away a long time and after the last blog, you probably thought I ran a way and became a showgirl. No such luck. I did get to have a wonderful trip to San Diego and back to Las Vegas. I don't want to bore you with the details, so I'll give highlights.

San Diego

Arrived with Ab (11-4)... we checked out the beach and checked out the bods (I do my looking strictly to be a second pair of eyes for Ab ;) The beach scene was very easy on the eyes, however, the lack of studly specimens at the conference left Abby feeling sick - or more likely it was the start of the flu. I made her take her vitamin C and echinacea - I think Abby drank more tea that week than was spilled into the Boston Harbor way back when - and it helped a little, but she was still low on energy and couldn't really enjoy all that San Diego had to offer. We'll have to go back sometime and finally get those surfing lessons Ab.

Side note: as we watched the election results roll in, I heard more expletives out of Abby's mouth than a New York City cab driver, and I loved every minute of it! You go girl!

Los Angeles

On thursday (11-9), Abby flew out early and I drove up to LA to meet up with my brother, as lack of funds and loneliness would not have allowed me to stay in SD until Sunday. I had one quick day in LA - and of course spotted NO celebrities (the Karma just gets worse and worse), then we hopped in Bro's car for the 3 and a half hour drive to Vegas. For the first hour of the trip, my brother had the radio so loud I thought my eardrums were going to bleed. I wanted to say something, but first of all, I'd have to scream at the top of my lungs to be heard and second, he was doing me a favor so I didn't want to break his groove - after all, he drives from LA to Vegas a couple times a month. I drove along thinking in my head, "is he seriously going to drive for almost four hours with the music so loud that we can't have any kind of conversation and we have to stare off into the darkness with nothing to look at but the hypnotic glow of the tail lights in front of us?", when Christina (his wife of 2 weeks) finally said that she thought she was going to die soon if he didn't turn it down. He was a perfect gentleman and turned the music almost off for the rest of the trip. Then we just had to struggle to find stuff to talk about.

Vegas

Let's see, Vegas went by pretty quick once the less-than-excitement-filled weekend ended. My Brother (the ex male-slut and now married one) and his wife have changed from party animals to the Cleavers in a short matter of time. I could barely get them out of the house. Other than that, Vegas consisted of working all day amongst mostly male computer geeks and boogying down all night at the clubs. I did see one Elvis, but he was the obese, drug addicted, hit with the ugly stick version of Elvis.

Then we celebrated my birthday for almost two days straight, it was fabulous. When we (mostly Ted) asked people how old they thought I was, I got everything from 18 up to 24 - but with 24 as a maximum, I'm as happy as a pig in, err, mud. So when I take on my new identity, I will easily get away with shaving 8 years off my actual age. I can only say hallelujah for good genes, moisturizer and sunscreen (you younguns take note - it's NEVER too early for sunscreen!)

Other highlights include:
- FOOD to die for... belgian fries with dipping sauce, yummy soup at Voodoo Cafe, Krispy Kremes, Filet Mignon, Pumpkin Cheesecake - heck, even the Kosher Hot Dogs at Comdex were good... aaahhhh, my second chin says thanks
- DANCING - shook my thang a number of times, most notably at RA and Baby's - two very happnin' places in Vegas
- ENERGY - thank Heaven for Red Bull energy drink - allowed me to do the, "there's no sleeping in Las Vegas" thing pretty successfully
- FRIENDS... though there were some special people missing from the mix, we had a great group of people and had a really good time

Back Home

Though I had a great time, I was very happy to get back home. Chuckie baked me a cake - and made frosting from scratch!! And it was yummy!!! Also while I was away he became a neat freak. He used to be a wanna-be neat freak - he'd talk about how clean he wanted the house but wouldn't take any action necessary for it to happen. Now he's actually putting things away, cleaning sinks, fun stuff like that. I must admit he's nagging me to do the same and I'm not sure the messy-slob-don't-tell-me-what-to-do-Scorpio in me can handle it, but I'm doing ok so far.

I'm glad to be home.

Cowboys and Pimps and Ho's, OH MY!

Well, I'm back from Vegas, it was a good trip, not the most fun I've ever had, but good. I've realized, after spending a week with my family, why I've needed therapy in the past and will need it again. Travelling with my Mom, Stepdad and Sister - who all haven't flown in many years - was like "The Clampets go to Vegas". My Stepdad is like, "oh, just get me checked in while I go have a smoke". Ahh, Dickie, if it were that easy, we'd be having a few more planes blow up on us, now wouldn't we? No, you have to show them your ID and answer those every so telling and critical security questions, "had anyone unknown to you asked you to carry anything on the plane?". Who would answer Yes to this? Even the stupid people would think, "no, I feel like Bob Smith, who gave me this beautiful little package, is my best friend after we talked for almost an hour over airport food".

So we get there and the Clampets turn into poster children for Gambler's Anonymous (the BEFORE pictures). My sister plopped her butt down at video keno and stayed there for almost 5 days straight - she literally slept only about 14 hours the ENTIRE trip. It's amazing how this sweet little bubbly redhead transformed into a psycho zombie bitch from hell when you tried to get her to stop gambling and do something productive, like eat. "I'm NOT leaving this machine" she hissed. And proceeded to lose enough money to feed an entire 3rd world family for two years.

So we stayed at the hotel that just happened to be the headquarters for the Rodeo Championships that were in town. I hadn't seen so many 10 gallon hats and oversized belt buckles since Bonanza was on tv. The cowboys weren't all that interesting though. The fun really started when we went to Mandalay Bay where the 10th Annual Pimp 'N Ho Ball was being held, hosted by Dennis Rodman. The place was a Skanketeria. Anyone who ever wanted a good excuse to wear as little as possible and get away with it, was there if full force. Thongs abounded. Yes, they did a damn good job looking like Hos.

Before all the debauchery started though, we went to Red Rock Canyon and fulfilled my Dad's dying wish. He wanted his ashes sprinkled in the mountains. He lived in Las Vegas for many years and loved to go up to the mountains and Red Rock. To be honest, it would have made more sense to sprinkle him on a video poker machine - since he was the one who started the obsessive-compulsive lineage I'm part of today - but it was beautiful to finally let him have a final resting place 9 and a half years after his death. R.I.P. Dad, I hope you hit the Royal Flush up there!

Leaving Las Vegas

Ok, I'm not leaving Las Vegas yet, I'm leaving FOR Las Vegas - today (that damn insomnia again!!). Woo Hoo! Broke open Piggy and counted up $67 worth of gamblin loot. If I hit the megabucks, you can bet your mega-ass I won't be coming back!

I'm mainly going because my brother Eddie (Spaghetti) is getting married on Sunday. His fiance (who he calls "Skippy" so much, I'm lucky I know her real name is Christina), is living there at the moment. They met there when they both worked at the Star Trek exhibit. I never thought my brother (who was a total skank from age 13 to age 30) would find a woman who would put up with him let alone marry him, but he has.

Ah, the memories of my brother's days as a teen hearthrob, which ultimately led to his days as a male slut... In high school, I walked down the hallway and saw, written across 28 lockers, "Eddie A is mint!". I'd often sit down at a desk in one of my classrooms to find "Tanya loves Ed" or "Susan [heart] Eddie" scribbled on it. I made friends because they wanted to meet my brother. I was considered stuck-up because, even though I was shy, I had a popular brother so my shyness was mistaken for conceit. I'd answer the phone 10 times a day - it was always a girl for him - and it was often a girl he didn't even know. When he was a bit older and living in Las Vegas, I'd be out for a visit and proceed to meet many of the seemingly endless conquests of this boy. Sometimes "hitting it" with 3 different girls in a day (though, in his words, ALWAYS wearing a "Jimmy Hat"). Oh yeah - and it was always fun when we'd be out and he'd spot some hotties and then find some way to mention that I was his sister - so they'd know he was available. That was always fun. But for the last two years, the boy has been perfectly loyal and very happy with Skippy, his little "piggy-nose" girl.

Now that I've aired my brother's dirty laundry online (thank goodness he doesn't have the URL =), I just want to say that he and Skippy are great together. I love them both very much and know that they will have a long, happy, fun, witty, romantic, loving marriage.

Hoo Hoo Hoo

Oh, and apparently, in the Poohsonality test that Jenny led us to, I'm an Owl. Which basically means I think I know it all and I am prepared to tell others all about it. So apparently I should tell Joel that of course there are Poohs and Piglets in the world, they're just not together enough to go online and take poohsonality tests.

To Sleep Perchance to Dream

I think I have insomnia. It is 1:15am and I am not the least bit tired. To the contrary, I feel as though I could run a marathon right now (if it weren't for my bad back, bum knee and the fact that after approximately 45 seconds of running, I'd want to lay down and die).

I just called Daniela in San Francisco but my phone croaked. It's the only nice thing about having a friend so far away - it's still early there when it's the middle of the night here and I'm wide awake and want to talk. Other than that, it SUCKS that she's so far away. =(

She probably thinks I use the dying phone excuse to end my calls, definitely not - just time for a new phone. We were SUPPOSED to have the kind of battery that you could recharge at any time, leave it charging, etc. etc. etc. HAH! Call me sucker. After 15 minutes of talk time - or much less if it's been left off the charger - BEEP... BEEP... BEEP, then it dies, and the only other phone in the house is upstairs in the bedroom next to Chuck's sleeping ear. I not only need a new phone, I need a few new phones, one for every room in the house. This will be my mission when I get back from all my travels.

For now, I will try to doze off while reading the new issue of Cosmo and hope that after reading "Make Him ALL Yours" and "Cosmo Celebrates Australian Men" that I dream of making Heath Ledger, Russell Crowe, and what the heck, throw Mel Gibson in there for good measure... ALL mine. Ah, a girl can dream, can't she?

(the sad part about it is, making these men "ALL mine" would probably mean using them to clean my kitchen for me... =)

Friday Night and the Weekend's Here

[Intro music] Heeeyyy Mr. DJ keep playin' that song, on and on and on [end music]. Well, Friday came and went and it was FUN. First we had the Halloween party. The big hit was Jo's icky food Mr. Kreeps story - you know, the kind of thing where you put food items in a box and people reach in and they feel like body parts? It was wild - toes (little pickles), fingers (french fries with almonds for fingernails), intestines (ramen noodles)... a brain (I think Jo actually went and got a brain from a butcher... just kidding, she had a jello mold). There were many squeals and squirminess, then we let the kids try and they were a little less impressed ;)

Then Abby and I hit the Bug Jar to hear Tony DJ. I wasn't going to dance but I had hit the sauce (Abby drove =) and was feeling pretty good, so I just followed Ab and Andy out to the dance floor and didn't stop for 2 hours straight! Woo hoo, let me tell you, I was feeling the burn Saturday... I felt like I'd done 4 step classes in a row. I probably look like a dweeb, but I have such a good time dancing. I hadn't been dancing since Abby's birthday party (when she hit the sauce ;), so it was a welcome night out. Big thanks to Ab for being DD and taking care of me =) I'll consider Friday a warm up evening to get ready for VEGAS - yeah, baby. "There's no sleeping in Vegas. "

Road Rage

I know this isn't the politically correct thing to say, but I can certainly see how easy it is to become insanely angry and want to choke a fellow driver. Case in point: I'm driving home last night on 390 South, the speed limit is 65, the car in the right lane is going 60 so I cut over to the left, where the truck in the left lane is also going 60 [anger starts]. I drive relatively close to get the point across that I'd like to get by so I can go AT LEAST the speed limit [boil, boil]. The truck starts to speed up a bit, finally getting by the other 'Pocahontas' but does not cut over to the right [seeth, seeth]. They finally cut over the the right lane and I think, "woo hoo, I can finally pass this pokey." [slight relief]. I seem to be having a hard time getting by them though... I look down at my speedometer and am just starting to teeter above 70 [anger resumes]. I think, "what's the deal here, I should've flown by this tortoise", when it hits me, the MORON who had to drive 60 in the LEFT lane for 5 miles all of a sudden feels the need to drive 75 [full on Road Rage]. AAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!! I'm not saying I want to hurt the guy in any way, but I would LOVE the opportunity to point out to him why he is the biggest IDIOT on the planet at that moment!

I feel that everyone should be issued paint ball guns so when someone's driving like a complete 'swipe, you can pull out your Glidden Gun and fire away. The paint washes off, but is a temporary message to other drivers that the driver did something dippy that day.

Now I'm not saying I'm an angelic driver, I've been know to call myself an a**hole and I'm sure I'd find myself a target now and then, but for the most part I keep it real.

Pick a Winner

Millie has become fascinated with images of nose picking, so I thought I'd contribute to the cause. You have to admit, it does tickle the funny bone a bit to see someone tickling the nasal cavity (as long as they don't wipe it anywhere you might have to sit someday).

As much as I hate to admit it, this is my brother Adam. I have a strange family...

Fun with Pictures

Well, now that I'm finally putting pictures up, I thought I'd post my picture from my cameo appearance in the South Park movie. I haven't told many people about it, I don't like to brag, but while I was out in LA two years ago I was overheard by the director saying the F-word and the rest is history...

Catch Up

I haven't blogged in QUITE a while so I have some catching up to do. I don't want to ramble incessantly, so I will try to make it short and sweet. Here's an overview of the weekend.

• Finished Javascript training, hope I get to use it before I lose it.
  
• Went to see "Best in Show" - was the funniest movie I've ever seen (not necessarily the best movie, but definitely had the most laughs per minute than any other.) More on that later perhaps.
  
• Had breakfast with Abby on Park ave and walked around a bit. Abby makes me smile.
  
• Got "Baliage" done to my hair, which apparently is a fancy ass way of saying "highlighted". Didn't have to wear that ludicrous shower cap with holes in it where they use a crochet hook to pull hair through. I had this done once and right at the moment I looked my worst, like a homicidal cancer patient, my cousin Mark walked in and saw me. I think it took all his strength not to bust out laughing. Nooo, Baliage is much more sophisticated, they "paint" your hair (now there's a revolutionary concept). I did have to wear a big ball of saran wrap over my head for a while, but to be completely honest, it actually looked kind of cute.
  
• Shopped a bit more, got one of Daniela's birthday presents. I miss her dearly.
  
• Carved pumpkins at Jenny's - enticed significantly by the promise of two of my absolute favorite foods (though the list is pretty long), brie and pumpkin pie. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm......
  

Ok, that's about it for the weekend...

Bleh

So we got free lunch. I'm not excited as I sound. Sweet & Sour Chicken over a bed of white rice - a 6 on a scale of 1-10. Sandwiches - didn't have one. Pizza - a 2 on a scale from 1-10.

I used to firmly believe in the phrase I saw on a t-shirt when I was in 6th grade, "sex is like pizza, when it's good, it's good, and when it's bad, it's still good." Of course at the time, I didn't know anything about sex but I sure knew about pizza {so I ran out and had sex immediately}. Well I eventually learned that the phrase wasn't true for sex (not to bad-mouth sex, it's been good or better 99.235% of the time), but I had yet to prove the same about pizza... until today. Today it has been proven.

{} = just kidding

Oh, and I think I'm going to hurl from eating too much. Combine "food" with "free" and I'm in deep trouble - or in javascript:

var free = true
var food = true

If (x && y)
{
alert("tina bokes");
};

sooooooooooooo tired... need more caffeine...

oooooooh, they'll be cooookieeees this afternoon...

Learn, Dammit

Natalie, Corey, Mike and I are in Javascript class today, but to be honest, the best part is the free food! Oh, gotta go, we're starting....

Bjork Movie = BAD

To put it bluntly, I thought the Bjork movie sucked. Bjork's acting and singing was wonderful, but not great enough to make me appreciate the pain in my butt (literally) from sitting through it for almost two and a half hours. It wasn't funny, it was frustrating, it went on and on forever, and they did that shakey camera thing that nearly made Jenny throw up on the shoes of the rude woman she had to pass to get out of the theater. The woman told her, "next time make your friends move". I still think Jenny should have said, "oh really, well maybe I... blehhhhh blehhhh blehhhhhhhhh" and boked on her. Oh well. Now THAT would have made going to the movie worth it! =) I do think that if they condensed the movie down by about an hour, it might have been good.

I still prefer a comedy over all movies. I want to laugh dammit, is that so wrong? I don't want to be faced with any depressing realities - or depressing fantasies for that matter - when I go to the movies. There's enough crap in this world - I want a movie to make me forget all of it and laugh, laugh, laugh. Let's just say that if you could actually laugh your ass off, I'd be looking pretty good right now.

If you want to see a GREAT movie that makes you laugh, go see "Almost Famous", it's a wonderful film - lighthearted, not too deep, but FUNNY. I also hear (firsthand from a lady in line at the Toronto Film Festival) that "Best in Show" will have you constantly cracking up. That movie opens next week. I WILL go see it and I WILL laugh.

Nothing to Say

I haven't blogged in a while, perhaps I have nothing to say. I know, you're all shocked! I guess my plan to do more exciting things so that I have good blogger is not working out.

Stayed in last night and rented a movie. We watched "The Straight Story". I couldn't take it. I know that makes me seem horrid since it got a perfect 10, but I really couldn't stand the way Sissy Spacek was talking. I never even really figured out why she talked like that. I've never in all my life ever encountered, either in person or on tv (real tv), someone who talked like that - retarded or not. "Eh, Dad? Eh, do you think you could run to the library and grab me a copy of The Existentialism of the Post Feminine Man? Eh, ok Dad?" Sorry, it didn't sell me.

This morning I watched "Bedrooms and Hallways". It's the story of a gay man who eventually realized he's actually in love with a woman. Was that written by a straight man or what?!!

Well, gotta go get ready to head out to the movies. As Jenny says, "Bjork Bjork Bjork" =)

The Web Frightens Me

Ok, so I'm trying to be all cool and finally post a graphic. So I go looking for a picture of a circus peanut from the search box on iWon.com (which they should rename youWillNeverWinCrap.com). I enter "circus peanuts" and it pulls up many websites that don't appear to get me what I want. Well, the iwon search mechanism also pulls up a list of what it deems as the "most popular direct hits" - and on that list I see a link for "candy samples". I think, "JACKPOT - FREE CANDY!!!!"

So here I am, sweet, innocent thing and resident candy addict, clicking on a link that I think will reward me with many opportunities to scam free candy, when, "whooaaaa, what is this I'm seeing?" A link for Busty Vixens of the 50's, 60's & 70's. " What's going on here?" I wonder.

Oh my GOD, I'm horrified! Turns out Candy Samples is the name of some old time tramp. My innocent search for free candy has lead me into the world of porn on the web (ok, we're not talking whitehouse.com here, but we're not talking Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory either).

What next, searching on the term cuddly puppies will give a link to bigBoobs.com? The web frightens me.

More on the Mowing

Joel basically called me a wuss for complaining about having to mow in my Friday blog. Here's his exact quote: "I mow, and it ain't no self-propelled pansy-assed mower either." Now I don't know why or how Joel came to the conclusion that I'm some little princess who daintily climbed upon her John Deere and mowed the lawn in 15 minutes, but that is definitely not the case. The only self-propelling going on was through the use of my thighs (uh, oh, book comment). I was not mechanically assisted in any way. It took me over an hour, even though I was going at Marion Jones speed. All this on a Friday night. So, dammit, I deserve a small bit of sympathy Joel!

Hell on Earth

Today was horrible, I got stuck in a meeting through lunch. We're not talking grab some food and let's meet during lunch hour, that's bad enough. NO, this was a 10:30-11:30 meeting that went right on through until after 1 - over 4.5 hours without food - uuuughhhhh, the horror.

I began to picture everyone's head as a steaming hot roasted turkey. I also began to babble incoherently. I was reviewing a user interface and I think I might've said, "if you add a button that says GO TO MASH POTATOES it will greatly improve the usability of the software."

Cheese Please

Have you seen the new Pizza Hut commercial? They have a new pizza, I forget what it's called, but they throw down a crust, slap some cheese on, then slap on another crust, then more cheese. Sheer brilliance! An innovative way to add more cheese to a pizza, because let's be honest here, the only reason we need the crust is to make the cheese easier to eat.

OK, my writing about cheese has lead to a food fantasy. I've just realized that we have some of that spicy cheese dip left, just crying out for a tostito to caress it, scoop it up, place it gently into Tina's mouth... Well, gotta go make my fantasies come true...

Mow

I gotta go home and mow the lawn. All I can think of is the episode of The Simpsons where Moe steals Homer's recipe for that flaming drink (made with cough syrup and Aerosmith plays at the bar and something falls on them or something - was it Homer?) and Homer walks around all depressed, saying "Moe, Moe, Moe, Moe, Moe" over and over again. That's me, all depressed, saying "mow, mow, mow, mow" over and over again.

The good news is - I no longer feel like barfing.

Hurlage

I'm gonna barf. I ate the worst combination of food today, I should be flogged. Especially the combination of circus peanuts, buttercream frosting, and rasberry punch. **Sick thought: I wonder if circus peanuts have inspired bulemia in anyone. Sorry for that, can't control these thoughts.

Quickie

Just wanted to get a quick blog in for today.

I've decided that Circus Peanuts are the most unnatural food on earth. Let me know if you feel otherwise.

Problems

I have a problem. I was recently prescribed antibiotics and I'm supposed to take one tablet, twice a day, on an empty stomache. That means two hours after eating and/or one hour before eating. You have no idea how big of a problem this is for me, because about the only time I've gone 2 hours without eating and can wait another hour is at 2 am while sound asleep.

I think I've only had an empty stomach a few times in life, once at Woodstock because a hot dog cost $95.

So it's already 5pm and I have yet to take my first one of the day. Let's see, at 8am it was breakfast, at 10 am it was rice krispee treats, at noon it was two big-ass slices of pizza. Ooops, just when I've almost made it for 2 hours without eating, I slip in another rice krispee treat. And now dinner's rapidly approaching...

I never thought taking antibiotics would be the catalyst for facing the reality of my obsession with food, but it is. I need help.

Daily Sin

Well, Joel yelled at me for editing my blogs too. Here's his EXACT NOTE:
---------------------
Hey -

You CANNOT edit blogs. Didn't you read 1984? No re-writing,
revising, sanitizing of history is permitted. You can comment later,
retract, apologize, atone, repent, but you can't undo.

"Yes, yes, yes, I know it was wrong. Can I have my virginity back now,
please?"

Besides, its alot more fun this way.
---------------------

So I won't edit my blogs, I'll just babble and babble and babble and you'll all be sorry.

PS - I read about a way to get your virginity back, but not here, not now....

OK, Jenny yelled at me for changing my blogs. I've undone the edits.

Overblogging

I think my blogs are getting too long. I think I'll edit them.

Food Fantasies

Joel insisted I rename my blog something to do with food because everything I write relates to food somehow. It's true, I am obsessed with food. It's not so much that the actual eating is out of control, it's more the thoughts of the food. The food fantasies, if you will.

I can't stop thinking about food. When do I get to eat again? What will I eat next? Is it lunchtime yet? Don't I have brie in the fridge at home? Ooooh, must drive home fast! What festivals are coming up so I can get Kettle Korn? Do I hear the Dinosaur BBQ calling my name? If I don't eat a marshmallow peep soon, I think I'll die. These types of thoughts are constantly floating around in my head at any given moment. Maybe that's why I like to sleep so much, it's the only time I can escape the food fantasies.

I really should weigh alot more than I do. Luckily, I manage to temper the internal monster and actually control my eating habits pretty well, maybe because I spend so much time thinking about it, I don't actually need to eat so much. But if people really knew what was going on in the head of this skinny* little girl, they'd be shocked.

To be honest, I'm a bit worried. A Krispy Kreme donut shop is opening here in Rochester in December. I keep hearing raves about how good Krispee Kremes are, the fantasies have started... Jenny and I are planning a party for the day they open. I fear that I will become weak and succomb... I can see myself now... A cold december day... "hmmm, I really should take 390 instead of 590 to work today, I think traffic will be better. Oh geez, look at that, I think I need some gas, I'll just get off at Jefferson Road and filler up. Ooohhhh, lookee here, I just happened to go to the Mobil right next to Krispy Kreme. I bet everyone at work would be thrilled to have me bring in some donuts. OK, I'll take 3 dozen." arriving at work... "Hey everyone, I brought in a dozen Krispee Kremes so if you want one, hurry up and grab one." My thighs are scared too. I equate my thighs to the big ball of evil in the movie "The 5th Element"... EVIL BEGETS EVIL. The Krispee Kremes attack! My thighs grow, threatening the safety of all around them! Be afraid. Be very afraid.

*I don't really consider myself skinny, but it sounded right for the story.

Rebellion

I'm still feeling rebellious today. It started last week when I ate toffee popcorn despite the fact that I had a fragile gob of stitches in my mouth (the stitch gob later succombed to the oral abuse). Today I decided not to go to a meeting that almost everyone was supposed to go to. Normally I'm the first to jump at corporate duty (related to the Psychology of the Candy perhaps?). Anyway, today I said "screw it, I honestly don't care so I'm not going to go up there, despite the very tempting offer of free lunch, and pretend to pay attention while fantasizing about Alexei Nemov.".

So there, nya nya nya.

I'm getting out of hand - scaring myself - I think I'm going to go home and eat a whole bottle of baby aspirin! Ha!

License to Eat

Apparently I picked up my license to eat early Friday. It started with Jo's rice krispee treats, I couldn't stop myself, and led to a sugar, fat, and calorie fest that lasted the entire weekend. Sunday ended up being one of those, "I've-eaten-so-badly-this-weekend-I-might-as-well-go-completely-nuts-
and-get-the-rest-of-the-cravings-out-of-my-system-then-start-eating-healthy-tomorrow" days. Unfortunately, I seem to have those kind of days a couple times a week =) My weekend food fest included such lovelies as cake (ok, actually just buttercream frosting. Sugar and lard, two things that go great together - right Jenny?), pizza, donuts and brie, just to name a few... Oh, and three giant French Vanilla Cappuccinos mmmmmmmmmm.... "My name is Tina and I'm a cappucinoaholic".

My license has been revoked - today it's back to fruit and fat-free hot dogs (yuck).

Pennies from Heaven

In catching up on all my friend's blogs, I was left rolling on the floor over Andy's story about the penny from his Friday blog. You all must read it and if you've ever wondered the same thing Andy had to wonder, I'd love to hear about it!!

The Psychology of Candy

Those of you who know me, know that I keep a drawer of candy for anyone who needs a shot of the sweet stuff. Yesterday, Shmuel (once and for all, pronounced shmool), asked me, "Tina, why do you always have candy for everyone?". I quickly answered, "oh, it's in my genes. My mom always has candy out for her coworkers and my Grandma thrives on supplying the family with all the tooth-rotting pound-packing goodies she can." But I've thought this through a little more, I think there's a deeper answer behind the psychology of the candy. It's not as sweet and happy as it appears to be.

The real reasons that I push food:
1) I want everyone to be happy. I don't like to see people sad or angry. I do many things other than push food to try to ensure everyone's happiness as best I can. It stems from goings-on in my childhood and just seems to get worse (or better, depending on your perspective). At some point in my life, I took it on as my responsibility to make everyone around me happy. I'm not sure I fully understand it, but I can't seem to stop.

2) I want everyone to like me, ok, maybe even adore me. I really cannot deal with the idea of someone not liking me, so I try to "buy" everyone's love and admiration with candy and desserts.

We all know that everyone LOVES candy, hell, probably even NEEDS candy to get through the day, so I recognized it as an easy way to make others happy and to like me. There, it's out in the open now, my therapist would be proud. The more praise I get, the more likely I am to repeat. I found my niche as a food pusher and it makes me feel special, dammit.

I'm just surprised more people haven't realized the psychology of the candy and used it to their advantage. A few positive comments here or there and they could be swimming in homemade chocolate chip cookies. But don't try it now, I'll know you read my blog...

Whew, it feels good to get it all out in the open. Now I need a nap. Then I have to make Dirt for Tony's party...

The Gob is Gone

Yep, woke up this morning with a strange tickle in my mouth. My immediate reaction was to tongue the area of my stitch gob and, lo and behold, it wasn't there. Just a couple strange little bumps. I thought, ewww, gross, did I swallow it... but no, it was stuck on my retainer. I removed it, it is gone. This disgusting story line ends here. R.I.P. little stitch gob.

Stitch Gob Update

Uh oh, I think I ruptured my stitch-gob. It started yesterday when I cracked into a bag of toffee popcorn. Can I just admit, right here and now, that no physical limitations will stop me from eating the food I really want to eat. I could have had all my teeth removed (scary thought) and still be able to throw down a bowl of Captain Crunch (I'd just let it sit in milk a really long time and get soggy - that's an easy one).

So anyway, there I was, knowing that I shouldn't eat toffee popcorn, knowing that it could easily rip out my stitches, and I didn't care, I had to have the toffee popcorn. That's me for ya... food fanatic... nothing stops me. More on that subject later... As for now, I'm walking around with a little piece of thread dangling inside my mouth and if I thought the tonguing was a problem before (see yesterday's blog), it's 10 times worse now. Not sure what to do and the dentist isn't in. I'll just keep fondling it with my tongue until it get's worse... And I'm stilll going to eat whatever I want - I'm such a rebel.

Bone-Tooth Removal

Ow, ow, ow, my stitch-gob hurts. I got my bone-tooth removed yesterday. It took about 5 minutes to get the novacaine shots, which hurt like HELL, and all of about 23 seconds to remove the bone-tooth. My tongue probing had lead me to believe it would be the size of El Capitan but it was, in reality, the size of an obese flea and was quickly whisked away by the thing that sucks up the spit you can no longer swallow on your own.

THANK GOD FOR NITROUS OXIDE!

Some unsolicited advice: next time you go to the dentist, request, demand, or BEG for the gas. It doesn't stop the pain, but it certainly makes you not care about the pain... You're too busy picturing yourself as Captain of the Enterprise and thinking, "this alien can torture me by poking sharp objects into the roof of my mouth all he wants but I will NEVER give away Earth's secrets!". It's also pretty cool to look at the light that 5 minutes ago looked like a simple attachment holding a swivelling lamp and see a sweet looking little robot-like character holding on to his headlamp creature friend for dear life. One of these days I'll post my drawing of Robobobbie, as I've affectionately named him.

I firmly believe that our office should be equiped with a Nitrous Oxide tank in order to facilitate the kind of creative thinking needed to invent really cool web applications. Wonder if I can get that through on an expense report...

Tongue Play

So back to the bone-tooth, I got it removed because I couldn't stop tonguing it. You know how that is, right? Any strange goings-on in your mouth and your tongue is all over it like it's a new puppy. You can't help yourself, it's almost a subconscious thing... until your boss walks by and asks if you're having a seizure and you realize your face is distorted by your tongue reaching and fondling some little piece of loose skin in your mouth. That's why I got the bone-tooth removed and just when I thought I'd have relief, I have this stitch-gob attracting my tongue like a 13 year old boy to Britney Spears. Do you think I'm burning calories with my tongue in constant motion? =)

Well, I have to go get residual bone left over in my gums after getting my last wisdom tooth removed last month. Does this mean that they will be removing the last bit of wisdom I still have? If so, I probably won't remember how to blog, so you may never see a new post.

I'll let you know tomorrow how bad it hurt.

Yep, my first blog. I feel like I should have had a romantic dinner first or something. I'm questioning my ability to offer witty and insightful blogs (ie, not bore the hell out of everyone). I guess it's time to put myself out there and find out if I'm as interesting as I think I should be... Maybe this will inspire me to do more wild and crazy things - just to get material for my blogs!